A year ago today, I wrote this:
"I often think about how my life would have been different if my parents would have still been here. They were TRULY my rock and my backbone. I knew to them, I could do anything and be anything I wanted to be. Life is strange without them. I use to ask God all the time, WHY? I never got that answer and then I went to well if you have to take a parent, that's fine but did you have to take BOTH of them so close together? Still no answer... I probably will never get that answer nor do I expect it anymore. God is a good and just God and He makes no mistakes and if it was His will, so it is. I have been studying in a Bible Class that when God gives us things its because He trust us to do His Will with them. He is counting on me to be there for someone else who may not have been through what I have yet, so I will be. Hard as it still is, I will be there for them. Still doesn't mean I don't miss them when its Grandparent's Day for the kids at school and they have no one to go with, when its their B-days and they cant attend, when I just wanna go to their house and cry so they can fix whatever problem I have. Now, I just talk to them and HOPE that I am doing what they would want me to do.
Today is my mom's 62nd birthday and last year, like the years before I always had a hard time. Its hard to believe it's been 10 years. I can tell you today, truthfully, that I miss her more than you know, but it's finally OK. I don't have to have answers cause I know that God's Will was done. I know that my mom raised me to the best of her ability, teaching me love, trust, honesty, respect and most important that I am to love God and raise my family to do the same.
Proverbs 22:6 " Train up a child in the way he should go, And even when he is old he will not depart from it" - and I haven't.
I am not my mom, although I look alot like her and my grandma seems to think she is talking to my mom on the phone all the time, but she is here with me all the time. Guiding me still. I remember the things she taught me and I am now trying to teach it to my own children as best I can. I want to make her proud and my goal, the goal that I want for my children is eternal life in heaven w/ God AND the grandparents they never met. I can't wait.
And it gives me great pleasure knowing that my dad is dancing around with his "Shortie" on her birthday today.
Also, today is Melanie's birthday!! I love you MEL!!! I always told you that you were really lucky to have this as your birthday!!!
Today is going to be a good day, a really good one. I love you all!!