Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Two years ago, I was sitting in a college gym. I was excited and scared at the same time. So many emotions were running through my mind and all I could think was “why did it happen so fast”. My first born, only daughter, was actually thinking about leaving home and going off to college, when we had two perfectly good colleges right in our hometown, one of them only 5 minutes away from my house. Granted, it was only 45 minutes away from home, but still, it wasn’t home. She pretty much insisted that I bring her here so we cold “look around” but I knew for a fact I would not like it, but I reluctantly came anyway.

We sat in this very gym and listened to instructions for the day, where the students would be and where the parents would go.. and I thought “ great, now they are going to fill her head with all kinds of things and I will never get her to just stay home with me”. But off she went and I sat here..waiting on the next speaker.
It was some woman, a mom, and she started talking about how her son was a junior the college. She babbled on about how we (well I) needed to let go, let them enjoy college, their new life. Don’t call everyday. Give them space, don’t send money every time they call,  and the one that REALLY got me was  “don’t show up without calling”…really??? Me, being the  VERY overprotective and always ready to fix ANY situation when it came to my kids thought to myself “ Lady, you don’t know MY child. You have no clue how much she needs me still and how I have to make sure everything is okay so she will be okay. I mean, she really can’t even wash her own clothes all that well”!!!  So no…… as much as I admire you for getting up and speaking to all these people, I WIL do just what I want with MY child.

Move in day came. And it was raining…. Hard and me, knowing that God really does answer prayers just knew this was a sign that we did NOT need to be going anywhere. I was still secretly hoping she would change her mind and just go to school at home for a while but no such luck. We lugged all the totes and boxes up to her room. Longest haul of my life!

We finally got everything in the room after a million trips to the car and proceeded to start decorating. After a long day of the back and forth to Wal-Mart (her new favorite place) it was time for me to head home.  I don’t think I hugged her, I don’t even think I actually said goodbye…. Just, I’ll call you later and left …. Because I knew what was coming.

No sooner had I hit the car, the tears started rolling and pretty much lasted from move in day August until roughly around October, give or take a few days. While I was crying, she didn’t really seem to be bothered and when I heard from her, TWO DAYS LATER mind you, she sounded ….. good, happy. She told me about all that had been going on the first week that was for freshmen to basically meet people and mingle, the clubs she wanted to join, the classes and teachers she was going to have and just how much fun she was having.

I was taken aback. She hadn’t been crying and sulking around like me? She said that after I left, she sat on the bed for a minute and wondered “ what’s next”.. but as soon as someone down the hall knocked on her door and said  “come on” she got up, and hasn’t stopped moving since.

Proverbs 22:6 (The Message)""Point your kids in the right direction—when they’re old they won’t be lost."

So today, I sit the mom of a college junior.  And believe it or not, she is okay and so am I finally.I had to trust that what I had taught her the first 18 years of her life she still had in her. That she knew the difference between right and wrong. She was going to make mistakes, but own up to them and make any corrections necessary. That she would ask questions if she didn’t know the answers. That she would have total respect for others and help in any way that she could. That she would be the woman, I knew would make me proud.

I've prayed to God that one day the writing thing would come back. It de-stresses me. It gives me reminders and makes me study. It lets me know that no matter how stressed out life is getting, God, who was there in 2008 when I started all of this, is still there saying " when you are ready, so am I"
A work in progress..... that's me.

Remember to always "be a blessing"!







Tuesday, May 5, 2015

...and one day..... it just hits you...

The feelings return, you have thoughts and words that just need to get out, you get your mojo back... and the writing... it just flows.

Stay tuned, I shall return!  :)

Thursday, January 24, 2013

I'm backkkkkk

I have 1,021 Facebook "friends".............

Today, my daughter learned a valuable (and VERY HARD) lesson on what friendship is and is not and what happens when we choose things that are not so good. I have tried to tell her (but I am still learning myself), that not everyone means you well. They take great joy in seeing you fail and mess up. Not everyone will always have your best interest at heart. They actually light up when discussing you with others. Not really sure if this is a way of not focusing on their own issues or they really have some serious mental issues. All I know is my daughter and I both recently found this out the hard way...and that is a hard pill to swallow from people you call "friends".

Ephesians 4:16: From him [Christ] the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.

It is important that we surround ourselves with people that will help build us up, support us, that help us make those right choices and reminds us that of God’s love for us. The Bible says "to overcome evil with good" and the way to do this is making a effort to change our thoughts and actions to positive one. Really ask, WWJD??? And then do it. Ask God to allow the Spirit to move in our lives, to guide us in the right direction so that our future will be secure with Him. I saw a shirt on FB that said " I got 99 problems, but my faith ain't one". As long as God is on my side, I know I (and my kids) will be okay.

It's been a long time. The writing thing. So much has happened and is still happening. I appreciate all the emails and calls. They meant alot. And the writing, well, I'm working on it. Be patient with me. Praying that you all have been well and that you are still being that "blessing to someone".
Until next time.......

Monday, October 10, 2011

True story:

I was suppose to go on a trip this past weekend to Savannah with some ladies form church and I really needed it. But unfortunately, I had some truck issues that cost a bit more than I bargained for and I couldn't go. I was mad, upset and irritated. I was telling Tony Friday how these things always seems to happen to me. I try to do everything in order and "right" but it never pans out the way I want it too. I have 50 million things around the house that need fixing or taken care of and I can't. My brother never returns my calls or texts,could be dead for all I know. My schedule is the same thing for me day in and day out, boring. And then, he and I have just had discussions about our relationship that are not bad, but not moving like I want them too. He started telling me the stuff I tell everyone else who gets in those "ruts" and actually I really didn't want to hear it. I think he could tell by the look on my face. But he told me anyway. He said " maybe we should try to go to the Whodini concert" but he didn't realize that the concert was the next day and this was not our pay week so that was out too. I went to bed madder than I started out and with a serious headache.

Saturday morning:

All the kids are getting ready to go with my ex husband to a picnic so at least I would get the house to myself for a while. Better than nothing I guess. 8:30 my doorbell rings and I am fussing because the ex is early picking them up. I yell for Khaaliq to go to the door and tell him just a minute. Khaaliq comes running back and said " Its Mr Ken from church. He just wanted you to know he was in the backyard." In my backyard? Why and its 8:30 on a SATURDAY morning.... So I throw on some clothes and go outside to not only Ken, but about 8 people from my church who thought I was going to be out of town in Savannah and they had come to do my yard work. Cutting grass, trimming hedges, picking up sticks and limbs... you name it. I didn't know what to think or say but I did thank God for them coming because I hadn't even thought about the yard, too much else to do. The yard was beautiful when they finished and as they left I thought to myself, THANK YOU GOD for this, but EH.......

I decided to go call and friend to see if she was up and we came up with the idea of eating breakfast at her house and watching a movie. I didn't have anything else to do, so why not. As I was talking to her, I get a text message from a mutual friend of our and it says "I have two tickets for the concert tonight, want them?" OKAY, is this a joke or what....Not only did I get his two tickets, the friend I was having breakfast with had two tickets that other people did not want so she gave them to me. Four tickets to this concert for Tony and I, plus whoever else I wanted to go with us. Alright God, MAYBE this is you or it could just be some kind of coincidence. Either way, we are going to the concert tonight. : )

I tried to text Tony while we were watching the movie to tell him what had happened that morning but he was in the hunting field so I figured he would just text me later on and sure enough about an hour later my phone goes off. The text says

" Hey, how are you, what are y'all up too?"

But it wasn't Tony, it was my brother. I kid you not. I have not spoken or heard from him in 2 or 3 weeks at least. I got chill bumps...I thought about the conversation the night before and I was like " hmmmmmm, no... can't be...."

Tony decided to go to church with me Sunday and Ken, the same guy who came to help with my yard was guest speaking... on Love. And as he was preaching, I heard him say and talk about the very same things Tony and I had discussed about our relationship that Friday night. I felt a lump in my throat because every once in a while,. Tony would squeeze my hand or give me a nudge when he said it. And at that point, I KNEW it was not coincidence at all.

I didn't pray for any of that stuff actually. It was more fussing and complaining but God, well I guess decided to show me. Tony told me last night " I will only say this once and I will leave it alone, but this weekend was an eye opener for you and for me. I couldn't have planned that, it had to be God."

And he was right. So caught up in my wants and needs. Trying to ask God for help but still had my hand on it, not giving it to him completely to deal with. So he took every thing that came out of my big mouth on Friday and make it come to pass.If people say God isn't real, they say He still doesn't answer prayers (even unspoken ones) or can't do miracles.. they are wrong and you can tell them Tony and I said so.....

I pray you all have a wonderful Monday. Until next time, Lord willing....

Thursday, October 6, 2011

So this morning I had all intentions on getting up and going to the gym. I set my alarm clock at 4:45 and was gonna be there in time for the 5:30 SPIN class. As a normal part of my morning routine, I got my phone and decided to see who was up and out on Facebook already. I know I know... kinda sad but oh well, it's what I do. So as I am scanning down, I see a friend of mine is flying in to Albany to go on a trip with some other friends this weekend, I see people posting really positive messages and scriptures and then something caught my eye. Someone who I went to high school with (he is 3 yrs younger than me) had a number of posting that implied he was not happy with his life and he was about to do something about that. We are not close friends, we didn't hang out in school, but we are FB friends and immediately I went into shock mode. I noticed that he worked with a friend of mine so I called him (at 5 this morning) and told him what was going on. Long story short, I ended up sitting outside his job waiting to see if he made it to work. He did... my friend got him to come out and talk to me and I just told him that nothing is so bad to want to leave this earth before God is ready for us too and to really pray and pray hard and I would be too!

There are so many people around us hurting right now for all kinds of reason. And even though so of those reason seem to make no sense to us, it doesn't mean that it is not hurting them inside to the point of not wanting to be here anymore. We have got to start taking time to get to know the people we associate and deal with. Step outside of our own comfort zones and be willing to do things we may not be use too. And on the flip side of that, we need to be willing to open up to people if we are having problems. God gave us friends for that reason. To be there for each other in times of need.

Please pray for James. I have no clue what all is going on in his life, but I know he is hurting and needs all the prayers we can give.

I love you all and until next time, Lord willing....

I was baptized in December of 1986. At 13, I knew "exactly what I wanted in life" (HA!) and what it was going to take for me to get it. I was gonna graduate from high school, go to law school, get married and have 2.5 kids and oh yeah, go to heaven cause I did get baptized of course.

At 28, I had lost my mind. I thought I knew what I wanted, although through all the alcohol, it was a little blurred. I did graduate from high school, but trying to get through college now with three kids and no husband seemed like a lost cause and heaven, well.... I was only 28, so I had time to think about that .... later on.

"And so I insist—and God backs me up on this—that there be no going along with the crowd, the empty-headed, mindless crowd. They've refused for so long to deal with God that they've lost touch not only with God but with reality itself. They can't think straight anymore. Feeling no pain, they let themselves go in sexual obsession, addicted to every sort of perversion. But that's no life for you. You learned Christ! My assumption is that you have paid careful attention to him, been well instructed in the truth precisely as we have it in Jesus. Since, then, we do not have the excuse of ignorance, everything—and I do mean everything—connected with that old way of life has to go. It's rotten through and through. Get rid of it! And then take on an entirely new way of life—a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces his character in you." - Ephesians 4:17-24

Giving up a way of life that you are so use too is not always easy. People throw it up in your face more times than a few and honestly, it's easier to be the person PEOPLE want you to be and alot more fun. But if we are to truly grow in Christ, the way God wants us too, we have to make a conscience effort to leave the past just where it is. Don't beat yourself up about the woulda, coulda, shoulda's and don't let anyone else do it to you. I had to let go of alot of things and people associated with my past. And honestly, that was probably one of the hardest things I have ever done, but things are better now. Not perfect or without issues, but better.

Just some thoughts in my mixed up head.......

I pray you all have a great day and until next time, Lord willing.....

Friday, September 23, 2011

Khaaliq is pretty mean when he does not eat for a long period of time. When he wakes up in the mornings, he doesn't want to talk, he doesn't want to smile, I actually think he would love it if he could just roll down the hall instead of walk. So after 4 or 5 yells of "GET UP KHAALIQ", he grumbles, gets up, and stomps down the hall straight to the kitchen. He grabs the first thing not moving that is some form of nourishment, and makes these really odd sounds at the kitchen table. Within a few minutes (food gone of course), he gets up, puts his dishes in the sink and starts talking. It's pretty much none stop talking from there too just fyi.....lol

Brianna cannot walk by a person standing on the outside of a store asking for money or food. It literally upsets her. I guess as adults, we are so jaded to the world because of this and that, that we can walk by and it not touch us in some kind of way. We were walking out of the BP station last week and a guy was asking for change and honestly, it really didn't phase me. I kept on walking but i noticed I didn't hear Bri behind me. She was digging in her pockets to see if she had change. She didn't so she ran up to the car, asked me to "look please in my purse for some". I kind of grumbled, but I looked and gave her all I had and she smiled and took it back to the man. When she got in the car, she said " I would feel bad when I got home drinking my green tea and eating my chips knowing he didn't have any".

And once again, my kids have made me think... how encouraged I am when I am filled up. How much simpler and better life is when I am not running on empty (or my belly is full, as in Khaaliq's case). It doesn't take much. A listening ear, a shoulder to cry on or even a smile or kind word. It's not always about money, but if you have a little extra, what harm would it do to buy someone lunch, ask them over for dinner or just drop off a bag of groceries "just because".

So my kids have challenged me in a few different ways. I could let alot of things fill me up..... anger, greed, jealousy, worries or I can choose to let positive things fill my thoughts and mind. I can encourage others in whatever way possible and if God puts an opportunity in front of me to help someone, then I will.

"Get along among yourselves, each of you doing your part. Our counsel is that you warn the freeloaders to get a move on. Gently encourage the stragglers, and reach out for the exhausted, pulling them to their feet. Be patient with each person, attentive to individual needs. And be careful that when you get on each others nerves you don't snap at each other. Look for the best in each other, and always do your best to bring it out." - I Thessalonians 5:13-15

I pray you all have a wonderful, wonderful, blessed weekend!! Until next time, Lord willing.....