Wednesday, February 4, 2009

The week has really been beautiful.

Yesterday I was confronted in a situation. Not really confronted, but it came up. I was asked and opinion and I gave it. Somehow I think it came out wrong. I came off as being harsh and maybe a little rude because I said and gave my opinion .. and opinion mind you, that a few months ago, I would have been a whole lot nicer I might add and said what they wanted to hear.

I didn't do that this time. Let me tell you something, and I really believe this. Lord knows I am not perfect. I have done a whole lot of things, even up until a few months ago that I am not proud of. But I have been trying and working because I really am trying to change. And I think right is right and wrong is wrong. For a really long time, people I was around have condoned things i have done and I them, because, well, because we " understood" why we were doing what it is we were doing and it made sense to us. "So what we acted a certain way in public, there is so much going on in my life, I deserve some fun", " He made me do it", " It's really not that big of a deal, I am not doing anything to anyone".. I said all those things and a whole lot more to make what I was doing make sense. And this is from me, a woman who was really brought up w/ good parents, knowing I knew better, you know. I did it anyway. And literally one day, and this is no lie... I think I actually grew a conscience. I think I had lost that somewhere down the line and when I started doing things, I actually felt bad about it. I talked to a few friends, people at church and honestly I had no idea what was going on. Sometimes I still don't.

But what I do know and what I have been hearing and feeling is that when I REALLY thought God was gone, He showed up to me big time!!! I saw it, I felt it and HE let me know that things had to changed. I was way out there y'all. And I guess this is a bit of confession and I apologize... I am not hear to give you all the dirty details of my life.. but I am telling you... there are things I was doing that could have seriously cost my soul. And I got another confirmation a few weeks ago when my youngest son told me one day coming home from church .." Mama, where is God?" I told him God was everywhere, including in the car with us. He then said " Well, I am ready to go see God, I wanna see him in the face"... I could have fell out right there. Mama is not ready for her baby to see God but I knew that in order for him to see Him, I had to show him how to get there.. and what I have been doing is not going to get him there.

I have a daughter that is starting high school next year, HIGH SCHOOL people.. I'm 35.. I remember being 18 and thinking 35 was old. It's not so old anymore... but I realize that when my son talks about going to Heaven, and my daughter starting high school, things had to and have to change with me.

So, if I am a little brass or blunt, please don't take it as me not understanding... it's not.. I have been there more than you even know. But there is no misquoting, changing up what the Word says to make it fit what you want or thinking that a few times won't hurt. There are so many topics that are plain as day written for us from God... we make choices and we have a guide to help with the choices we make. We have to have some kind of accountability and God gives it to us. Find someone who will help you, not condone the things that are wrong and help and guide you to the right things. So I am saying this now, knowing that I send this to people I socialize with, go to church with, work with and just send e mails with...... hold me accountable. I probably need it more than anyone.

I apologize again for this long "letter" and know that I love you all and want nothing but the best for you!! Have a wonderful weekend!!

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