Wednesday, February 4, 2009

I actually wrote this over a year ago. Seemed to be approporite for some things going on with me now and figured they might help someone else. Let me ssy this, whe nI do my personal writings, it's pretty raw to say the least, but I have tried to revise this one some as to not offend anyone. I hope you all have a wonderful day and I love you!!!!!!

We had a sermon on this a while ago. I wish I had taken better notes so I will do the best I can. If any of you know verses, etc. please let me know. I never professed to be a Bible scholar, but I know a little bit.

We are all so consumed by trying to be happy. Trying to get the most out of life, grabbing all the gusto we can get. That's what it is about right? Making sure we are happy. I will be the first one to tell you, I don't like being alone, I like being around lots of people and being happy seems to make my life alot easier. Who wouldn't want to be happy. But what is it we are happy about? Our jobs, husbands/wives, homes, kids, money, material things, what? I am not saying that all of these things are not important because they really are. I ALWAYS wanna make sure my kids are okay and the house is in order so they will have a safe, nice place to live but when you sit and think about it, none of that makes us as happy as we think it does. If it did, we would NEVER have problems b/c we could always go back to it. I would love to be married again, but that is no promise that my life would be happy then.

Happiness, TRUE happiness is, I think, and from what I can remember from the sermon, is found in one person. The one who is always going to be there for you no matter what. If you mess up, hes there, When you do good, hes there. When no one else can be found, Hes there. Anyway... I spent YEARS and I do mean YEARS hoping and wishing that my life was somehow different than it is now. I mean I had all kinds of reasons and most of them involved me being happy. Why would god NOT want me to be happy? I have/had done what I "needed" to do, or so I thought anyway. This being alone crap sucks to no end. Raising three kids is no joke! Tryingto juggle bills on one income, well I wont even get into it. I went to chruch all the time, took the kids, made sure they were involved in just about everything.... so what was the problem? I have said on more than one occasion that I couldn't do this alone and that God needed to help me fix this. But my idea of fixing was finding a man, YES I SAID IT, a man to help me w/ the kids, to pay bills and basically to just be there for me to make me happy....BOY WAS I WRONG!!!!

I asked and God actually sent what I asked for... don't ever think Hedoesnt answer prayers.. He does... but i tell you better be SPECIFIC in your prayers or you will get just what you ask for. I have been through so many loser men. I got just what I asked for. That quick happiness that wouldnt last no matter how much money they had. And it was literally like I woke up one day and said, thats not what I want. The partying, drinking all the time, acting like I had no home training (bet my mama is turning overin her grave, or she did at least) and trying to MAKE myself happy wasnt working anymore.

I think I have always known that my happiness needs to be found in the one who is not gonna let me down no matter how much I mess up. As long as I am true to Him, take all the problems to him and trust him to handle them. I mean really... so you are happy right here on earth. You have all the money, friends, fame maybe, relationships, etc you can handle. Who cares! Thats not the ultimate goal anyway, or at least not if you are a Christian. I will get that happiness I want and it may not be in this lifetime as we know it. Its coming, I know it. It will be an eternal happiness... no crying, no fears, no tears. It will be that time, Lord willing, that I get to see my parents again, that my kids get to meet their grandparents and I won't have to stress about anything anymore. I'll finally be happy .. and not that I am rushing...LOL.. I'm not and thats not to say I won't strive to be all I can be now and make sure that my life as I know it runs as smoothly as possible. It just means I won't add any needed stress to it, or I sure won'try too anyway. Does that mean life will be easy... not in the least. But it means that I know there is a much bigger picture than any of us can even imagine right now and I am ready for the ride....

Have a good day all and try to stay as positive as possible. There really is something better than this!

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