"Mama, please don't exasperate me!!!"

"MOTHER you are exasperating me!!!!!" That's my daughter's new catch phrase I guess. See, we have been talking about relationships in church and last week Greg preached on the parent/child relationship. And SURE enough in Colossians 3:21 it says

"Fathers (parents) do not exasperate your children so that they will not lose heart."

Okay, it says it.. don't exasperate, upset, make mad, provoke, be hard... however you want to say it, it says it there and we have to do it so that they don't lose heart. So now every time I open my mouth, the child says it. Now she is doing it as a joke cause she KNOWS better, and I tell her every time.. maybe you should read the WHOLE section on children obeying your parent.. etc.. she laughs and ignores me then.

But I have been thinking about that alot. I think I have, no I know I have exasperated my children before. I do think there is a fine line between making sure your child is doing right, and going a little over board. I have gone overboard before and that's not good. The last thing I or we as parents want is to run our children down, discourage them so that their spirit is broken.

So joke or not, when she says it, maybe I need to think about it before I say or do it. Raising children today is not easy and there are gonna be days when they really work your nerves, but we have to remember that although they are the kids and need to do what we say, we need to be making sure that we do it lovingly (as hard as that can be sometimes) and that we pray and ask God for guidance before making any harsh and rash decisions that could harm them not physically but emotionally for the rest of their lives.

I hope you all have a great weekend. I am leaving town today and Lord willing, will be back on Sunday night. So I probably won't send an e-mail out tomorrow.... until Monday... love ya!

Last Chapter -- I Signed up to Make a Difference

We all want out lives to mean something, we want to be remembered but sometimes the problem is that we measure that "something" by our earthly wealth... the money, the cars, the schools, our families .. we want everyone to be able to SEE what we have, but that's not what its about. Its about being faithful... faithful to God, giving Him the glory, doing what we know is right even if no one every knows what we have done. And being faithful does not mean that you always get it right. I have heard so many people say " I have done so much, if I walk in the church building, the walls would fall down".. well guess what.. if that was true... NO ONE would be in the building!! And it would be as flat as a pancake! No one is perfect and even people who don;t write great books and get to be on TV can make a difference.

"Do you know what happens when God takes your mess and adds a little age to it??

"Mess + age = Message"

Everyone has a message to tell and use to encourage others. Whether is about God's blessings or God's mercy, we all need to know, the world needs to know!

Philippians 2:14-16 - " Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you holdout the word of life."

See, we don't need to be complaining about the mess we are in, we need to choose to move on and not get stuck in one spot so that you can help others!

I am definitely not a minister, and I sure don;t get it all right. My relationships have not always been great and my family is less than perfect, but I do know that maybe some of the things I have been through can help and encourage others. That's my goal, and not only does it help others, it helps me too. See I know now that God has a purpose for everything and although I may not understand it all, I know He has my best interest at heart and God's gonna get me through! That's what I hold on to.

I really like what she said at the end of the chapter and I will leave you today with that:

"Jesus said, " If I be lifted up, I will draw all men unto me". If we want to make a difference, we will share our lives in a way that Jesus is lifted up. The punchline to every testimony must be " But God!"

I was in pain, but God...
I made some foolish choices, but God.....
I couldn't find me way, but God....

See, it's never about us. It's about God. Remember that,and you are half-way healed."

I hope you all have a GREAT day!! I love you all and Lord willing, we will talk again tomorrow!

Tracy

My brother just called me.... don't know when or how long.. but he's being deployed to Iraq.



I think I just got sick.......

So yesterday was daddy's birthday

and today is my sister's birthday. Bet y'all didn't know I had an older sister did ya. Well, I do and today she turns 46 (or maybe its 47).. but she is about 10 years older than me. We didn't grow up in the same house. We have the same daddy, her mom died before I was born. Now her and my brother are pretty tight, they even look alike (like my daddy), but me and her and oil and water, salt and pepper. We are just different and have never been really close. I mean I can remember looking up to her when she left to go in the Navy but after that, its all a blur. She left Albany, never to return again and maybe I resented that a little. She has other brothers and sisters that live here, that are not my bothers and sisters but we all have the same last name.. go figure right??? She actually comes here to see them all the time but I never know she is here until she is gone. That always bothered me.. why I don't know, but it did. Anyway, I have a niece that is 25 and a nephew that is 15. They all live in Fl except my niece who is in the Navy overseas somewhere right now. Last time I saw my sister was at my grandma's funeral.. that was a few yrs ago.. the time before that was our daddy's funeral, that was 10 yrs ago.

But I always remember her birthday, it helps that is was close to daddy's.. maybe I'll call her today......

Chapter 9 - I Signed up for the Perfect Little Family

**sigh** as I began to read this chapter, I already think I know the first, middle and last word in it. It seems to be very much about me.

My perfect little family started when I was 22 years old and I had my first child. Alone. Not what I had hoped for and thought about when I was younger, but it was happening so I might as well had been ready. Although I was 22, being a single mom was no picnic. So at 25, when I met my soon to be husband, I was thrilled. I was about to have that perfect family I had dreamed about. You know, we were going to have the house, 2 kids (I was already ahead on that one), two cars, and a picket fence with rocking chairs on the porch to watch the kiddos play in the yard. Ahhh yes, life was grand.... for a while anyway. And then the worst possible thing could have happened.. he decided that was not the life he wanted anymore so off he went. And me... I got the apartment, no rocking chairs or fence and the 2 kids turned into 3. My perfect family was pretty much gone in a flash right before my eyes.

My daughter took it the hardest... the boys were still really young then. But she saw and heard things that I would imagine that no child, or even some adults should hear or see. The fussing and fighting, and I honestly think now because of that, she has some real issues with relationships. We are working on that...For a while, I was in a funk that seems to get deeper and deeper as the days went on. I couldn't figure out why in the world my friends "X" over here were doing so wonderfully and "Y' seemed to have the life that I always dreamed of having. Well it didn't matter anyway, that was done and I still had to press on.. you know fight the good fight and all that jazz. So, put up this barrier... I mean NO one was breaking that thing. It never really mattered to me at that point what God thought, I was more concerned with what my friends and people I worked with thought. It was all a hot mess. The kids got older, my life was a wreck, home wasn't all that great, but to see us on the outside you would have never known it unless you really knew me. It was all about appearances. You know, when the folks at church ask how you are and you say "FINE" with a big smile when inside you wanna fall to the floor crying and tell them the real deal. But it doesn't matter what the people around you think.. it's what my children KNEW and more importantly, as Donne puts it in the book, It was God's opinion that counted the most. See, God knew and knows our hearts.. we can't fool Him no matter how hard we try and we will be rewarded on what is in our hearts ,not how we perform in front of others.

And before you read this part.. know that I have been guilty and am guilty of this too. And I never really thought about it until I read it in the book, because I have always thought I had my children's best interest at heart when it cam to their lives. But we can over do it sometimes I guess. But, we can get make sure our kids go to the best schools in the world, put them in all the sports activities we can get gas to drive them around too, make sure they are taking the hardest classes in Hg school so they can go to the best colleges in the world, make alot of money and buy a big house for them and you when you retire and get old. Buy the biggest and the best so that when they die, they will have alot of stuff, and it will have absolutely no meaning in the end. There is nothing wrong w/ sports activities, nothing wrong with children being smart and going to good schools and colleges, but have you ever thought why you want it? Is it because the kids really love to play it and want to go, or is it because we are living out some life long fantasies we once had and we are trying hard to keep up w/ the Joneses?

Psalms 112:1-2 " Blessed is the woman who fears the Lord, who finds great delight in his commands. Her children will be mighty in the land; the generation of the upright will be blessed." See, God promises a gift to my children, a blessing for my obedience. My life may not be perfect, but through obedience, my children will be able to tell of God's greatness and that makes it better. No, not the perfect life, not the one I signed up for, but for my children, I fight to the end!

Happy Birthday to you........

My girlfriend e-mailed me this morning and was just asking me about my weekend. I answered her but I guess not like she knew I should answer and she wanted to know what was wrong. I mean nothing that I know of other than it's Monday morning and maybe the blahs ya know..... then I started typing a Contract at work and I typed the day and it hit me just then... today my daddy would have been 70 years old. It's his birthday. Wow...... I hate that I am forgetting days like that though.. maybe its getting older or maybe it's just that God is helping me not to be so stressed out. I don't know....

My daddy's favorite place to eat was anywhere that had steak so on his birthday, he normally picked a place and that's what we ate for dinner. He wasn't a picky man, not into flashy stuff at all. A few weeks ago he was described as a big teddy bear. I mean he was about 6'1 or so, about 270 lbs give or take a few and had the look of being someone who could take you out w/ one blow, but he was the kindest, sweetest, gentelest man you would ever want to meet. And that's not just because I am his daughter, it's the truth!

One of the MANY memories I have of my daddy (and I could go on and on literally about the stuff he did) but one of his favorite things to do was sit in the middle of the mall w/ my grandma (his mom) and eat ice cream and talk to people. He didn't care who it was he just liked to talk. Well one day, I was actually in the mall w/ them (shopping) and there was a group of school children taking a tour of the mall from out of town. They were about 4 or 5 years old. Anyway, he starts talking to the teachers and they tell him they are from out of town and he goes over to the ice cream place and buys them all ice cream cones. They even took a picture of him with the class and published it in their town newspaper. I have that in a box somewhere.. I need to find it.

But that's what I remember. And he was always like that, with my brother and I, with stragners.. that was just him. God really broke the mold when he made my daddy 9maybe that's the daughter coming out again.LOL), but its true. I am soooo proud and truly blessed to have been given the parents God chose for me. I miss my daddy alot.... but one day we'll get to eat that ice cream cone again!!

Happy Birthday!!!

Chapter 7 and 8.. I signed up for good health and love

About 3 years ago I had to have surgery. It would be what doctors called minor surgery, but for me it was pretty major considering my mom died from "minor surgery". I basically panicked when I found out. I was very lucky in the fact that my primary doctor was a member of my church and the doctor doing my surgery was a friend of his who had gone to school with him. It made me feel a little better although I was still scared to death. I haven't been sick alot in my life except for that time and I really feel like God has blessed me with good health, although all my doctors now seem to "want me" to have high blood pressure or diabetes because I am what they call over weight (haha). I don't though and for that I am thankful, but I do realize that there are people who go through life daily being sick and tired of being sick and tired.



I am no expert on this chapter by any means, but I am reminded through the book about Job. Job was called "blameless and upright" by God and Satan thought he could break Job by making him sick with sores and illnesses, taking everything from him. Satan actually asked permission from God to do these things and God granted him that. Seems unfair, not really right since Job did nothing to deserve it, but maybe God allows it so that His power and will can be seen and done. Honestly I just don't know, but then again, it may not be meant for me to know either. I just know that God uses everything in our lives for a purpose, for us to be able to tell a story and help someone else and although Job didn't sign up for the sickness, in the end he finally DOES get the life he signed up for. Although the suffering was bad, it was for only a brief season in his life.



Now this love thing..... as I read chapter 8, I wondered if she was looking in my mirror at night or something.. haha. And I thought about that song "looking for love in all the wrong places".. that was me. She talked about the "bucket lady" in the book. Seems that there is a book floating around out there about this and I plan on finding it, but this lady, the bucket lady thinks that the answer to her emptiness is right around the corner so she tries to fill it up every chance she gets, but never seems to get it all right. That was DEFINITELY me! Always trying to find something or someone to love cause I thought that once I did, life would be good.... well two divorces and many a friend later, I have finally (I hope) figured out that life is not about that. I can honestly say that my children love me. They may not LIKE me all the time, and although its a little irritating to wake up and my sons are at the foot of my bed, I kinda smile cause they want me around. I get excited when my teenager looks for me at her sporting events. have girlfriends who love me no matter how many rolls I have in my stomach and tell me how good I look in my new outfits and mean it!

And the best love of all is God's love.

Ephesians 3:16-19 - "I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."

She said in the book that it is amazing that once you allow God to fill you, something beautiful happens and she is right. I can honestly say that this past year has been great. Its a process and it sure does not happen over night and yep, I still have a long way to go, but I want to be a blessing for others.. my children, my family, friends.. I want them to see God's love through me.. that the life I signed up for!

J.O.Y.

I had to post this.... please take the time to read the article (link below). It's not always about winning, sometimes you have to think of others.. you know J O Y .. Jesus Others Yourself. And this act of kindness just brought tears to my eyes this morning!!





http://highschool.rivals.com/content.asp?CID=914609

Chapter 6 - I signed up for happiness

I think we are getting to the good stuff now.. LOL

I have a friend who keeps me in check everyday. She is the type of person who can tell something is wrong w/ me even through e-mail. She says it' all in my answers. She also will NOT let me get down on myself no matter what is going on. See I find myself always running around trying to get stuff done and not calming down and focusing on what is most important. She can find good in anything and reminds me of that everyday. And I think that's how it needs to be.

We all are going to have good days and bad days. Each day contains God's work and also Satan's ploys. Satan tries to keep us soooo busy, running around trying to get our hands in a little of everything and we forget to STOP, and just think, and rest and meditate on God's will and promises. The question is which one will you choose to set your days? Which will you let control your moods and emotions? And will you stop long enough to let God work in your life???

I am really not a morning person as I have said many times, but I am trying me best to make an effort to be positive each morning. But when you think about it, I should be happy every morning I wake up period. There are so many people who have illnesses that keep them in bed, no jobs to go to, nothing to eat....... and I gripe about having to go to work because am tired.... seems wrong...

When I started reading this chapter the first people I thought about were my parents, my mom in particular. My daddy was the kindest man in the world and I don't remember too many day that he was not happy. He sang or hummed ALL the time. He would stand in the back of the church on Sunday mornings (he greeted people as they came in the church) and he always had a smile on his face. I think back on it and smile myself because that's the kind of life i want to have. Not letting anything get me down, trusting that God will take care of everything no matter what. And my mom... I have posted things before from her book that she wrote in everyday. My brother actually has two of the books and I have the other ones. But the book is called " I am Thankful for..." and each and every single day she would write about what made her happy, things she was thanking God for giving her. Let me tell you I was proud to always be named on those pages but it gave me a new prospective. It doesn't matter that things don't always go your way, they normally won't, but we need to find the good in each day.

I really try now to get outside as much as possible.Sitting on the patio just listening.. it's one of my favorite times as you all know already. God is there, He has shown Himself in everything around me. It's the calmest, most relaxing time of my day. It's when I can go to God and tell Him just what I want Him to know and a place I go to wait on my answers.

Right now we can choose to enjoy the happiness we signed up for, we just have to open our eyes and ears and be ready to accept it!!

I love you all! Hope you have a great weekend... Lord willing we will meet again on Monday morning!!

Chapter 5 - I didn't sign up for Disappointment w/ God

Maybe it's because this is the longest chapter in the book OR maybe it's the subject the chapter is on.... either way, I will probably not get this one right. Seems that my mind is blocked and I really can't figure this one out, but I will try. All the more reason you should really read this book.. other than it is really good, maybe you can give me more thoughts or tell me what I missed!

There is a question in the middle of this chapter .. " Is it possible that the reason you are disappointed with God is because you rarely ask him for anything incredibly wonderful- and as a result, he rarely does anything incredibly wonderful in you life?

Hmmmmm I had to really think about that one. I mean I have always thought that's what I did.. you know ask God for all this wonderful "stuff"... but that's all it was was stuff and when I didn't get it, I got upset and wondered why because after all it DOES say, "ask and it will be given unto you". God is capable you know of that too.. I mean my dream to win the lottery, live on an island w/ no distractions.. He can get that for me. He's pretty powerful, however God chooses to act in response to our "faith-filled"prayer. E.M. Bounds said " God has chosen to limit his actions on the earth to those things done in direct response to believing prayer." Don't believe that.. try it and see.

I believe that we limit the things that God can do by not really believing like we should. When my parents died, I prayed all the time and my prayers were "God, please help me get through this, please give me peace." I prayed it every single day and you know what, He did that... he comforted me, and I am now at a point in my life when I don't have to ask why anymore. I got just what I asked for, but where do we get off thinking that God can't do anymore than comfort us in times of trials?

James 4:2-3 - " You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures." WOW..... see, we are not going to get everything we ask for and the lottery and living on the island is just fun to talk about. God wants to bless us so that we may be a blessing to others. It's not about us, it's about God and loving other people...period!!



I think I will leave it at that with this chapter. Like I said, it is rather long, but I need to study it more myself before I can get into it anymore. And Bare with me on this book, there are only 10 chapters and I promise to be done next week on it cause I am going combine a few chapters. It really is worth a read by you though!! Have a blessed day and Lord willing....

Love ya!

Chapter 3 and 4 - Didn't choose disappointing relationships or making foolish choices

Now for me, these two chapters go hand in hand. I love the what she says in chapter 3 - " No one walks down the isle thinking Gee, I hope this man makes me miserable for the rest of my life." Its funny reading it, it made me chuckle, but it wasn't funny when it was happening. Everyone knows what happened with me and my ex husband so I won't bore you again with that long story. I'll just skip to the end. Everyday for me is a struggle , not the divorce part, but the forgiveness. I have to make a conscience effort to not briing it up to him again everytime I see him or when he does stuff to make me mad (and that seems to be alot lately). I am not perfect, and the days I get mad I wonder if I have really forgiven him at all. But in Colossians 3:13 it says " Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." Talk about a mouth full. God says we HAVE to forgive, its there, just as He forgave you...whew! And not only forgive the person who hurts or disappoints you but forgive them UNCONDITIONALLY and when they dont deserve it.

There is no need to hold onto bittnerness and resentment because that only gives Satan the power and that's what he wants anyway. 2 Corinthians 2:10-11 - " If you forgive anyone, I also forgive him. And what I have forgiven- if there was anything to forgive - I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not aware of his schemes." Satan uses ours hurts and disappointments to keep us stuck in one place and unable to move on wit hour lives.

For a really long time, after my divorce, my ex husband and I lived together. Believe it or not, we were roomates and I thought in my head that as long as the kids were babies and I could sucker him into staying, he would. But even that for me became a pain and I remember saying to him the day he left... "I can't believe you are doing this to us, I would never do what you did!!!"

Biggest mistake I EVER made saying that...... because of the hurts and resentment I still had for him at that point, I made so many foolish choices it's not even funny! I mean alot.. and it was all b/c I really didn't know what was going on and I had not forgiven him .. but what was going on was Satan had me and his plan was in full force. I don't have enough time or paper to get into everthing I did after that point, but for the next five years I was a completely different person than what anyone had known. I was saying and doing things that I knew were wrong but it got to a point where I didn;t even think about that anymore and I just wanted to.. period. Didn't care who it hurt.. I just wanted to. And I was mad.. at my ex husband, at his new girlfriend, and even at God. I mean I had "done it all right" up til that point and I rally couldn't figure out WHY I had to go through this.

James 1:2-4 " Consider it pure joy, my brother, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverence. Perseverence must finish its work so that you may be mature and compette, not lacking anything."

I would love to tell you that shortly after I got on this path, that I read this verse and it all got better. But as it is, I have been divorced 5 years and it was not until about a year ago that I finally started to get a grip on my life. See I was still mad at God.. I mean I was going to church and doing all the church "stuff" but I wasn't living it at home. And honestly, I really can't tell you the exact day, but what I can tell you is that I have a few friends who ride my tail like no other and they saw me doing wrong and unlike alot of the ones who didn't say a word.. these did. EVERYDAY.. until it started to sink in and for that I cannot thank them enough. I had to forgive.. my ex and myself. I actually told my ex I was sorry and I guess since I had not acted like it for so long.. he actually told me he didnt believe me. Now don't get me wrong, he and I still have different ways we parent so we have issues still.. but I pray about it and one day, maybe he'll believe me and accept it. As for forgiving myself.... it took alot longer for that one cause I had messed up big time.. you know how we do it.. rank our sins.. well in my head I had done a BIG sin and I didn't think God cared anymore especially since I had not talked to Him n so long. Which take me to God.... I was mad!! I mean MAD at Him... and Ohhhhhhhhhhh do you know asking God to forgive me was really hard... although I knew He had not left me in the beginning .. my mind was just clouded. But I asked and I was reassured through the studying I was beginning then, that God loves and forgives even when I mess up.

So don't give up yet.. even through all the rough days, it isn't the life I signed up for, but it's the one I got, and with God's help, it's going to be ok.

I hope you all have a great day.. Lord willing, we will talk again tomorrow!

Chapter 2 - I didn't sign up for a painful childhood.

When I started this chapter I didn't think it would apply to me. I mean I had great parents, really. My mama and daddy were perfect examples of Christians, parents, man and woman, I mean I was really blessed. Honestly, looking back, I think that maybe because my parents were so good to us, I thought that everyone MUST be having the same feelings about growing up as I did. But then I see things on the news about children being locked up in small boxes or cages for punishment, children being dropped off at birth in trash cans, children being so stressed and depressed that they hurt those around them.....

Satan is very busy. He plants the seeds of destruction as Donna calls it early on in life. The earlier it is planted, the deeper it will be rooted and more difficult it will be to uproot. That's Satan's plan. But there is also one who is stronger and Satan knows that too. Just as with anything, we need to ask God to help free us of the painful childhood we have endured. Freeing us may mean facing the issues head on. I had to do that with a few things we may talk about later on. Once you have done that you must rely on the Holy Spirit to remove all the hurt and pain. Donna says (and I agree) that God never reveals our pain just to hurt us. Its to heal us. I really believe that things happen for a reason and I know that sounds crazy when you talk about small children, but I have to believe that God is not trying to hurt us. He said that. So everything is for some form of learning and to help other along the way. I just pray that we don';t let Satan fool us into thinking otherwise.


I hope you all have a blessed day. Lord willing, until tomorrow...... love ya!

Chapter 1 - 'This Isn't the Life I signed up for'

As I started reading this book, the news was coming on. They were talking about the plane that crashed in Buffalo,NY into the house killing 49 people on board and 1 person on the ground. As I watched the news, the wife and son of one of those killed were talking. I could feel the tears swelling up in my eyes. As they talked about their husband and father, the wife said "I just don't understand why this happened, what do I do now"? She definately didn't sign up for that to happen in her life and I completely understood.

Things like divorce, children gone astray, work situations, bills piling up, sickness and death are not things we hope and pray about but as hard as it is, bad things are going to happen in our lives whether we are ready or not. We all want to live as Ms Partow puts "happily ever after", but the fact is, we have to be ready when things are not so happy.

Deuteronomy 30: 19-20 - "This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him."

So, we have a choice in the matter of dealing with things that happen to us... we can choose live, death, refuse to make any choices or go back and forth between life and death. Which do you think God is rooting for????? Life will be much better choosing life.

For a long time, and I mean a long time, I didn't choose or even want to choose life, either, but it did nothing for the people around me, meaning my children. They saw me upset alot, not really knowing or able to do anything for me. Actually I choose to stay in that place and there was nothing anyone could do to make me change. But I finally started to realize, and I am not sure why or when it happened that I didn't like the way I was feeling anymore. I didn't choose what happened to me, but I finally chose how I would respond to it.

I hope you all have a great Monday, for those who are off.. lucky you!!

We have a group of about 22 people (including my daughter) skiing and snowboarding in North Carolina for the next few days. Please say a prayer that they have fun (and don't break any bones) and have a safe return!!

Chapter 2 tomorrow (Lord willing!)

This isn't the Life I signed up for

I spent lunch yesterday in the Christian bookstore. There are day when I have no clue as to what I want to write about so I figured I would go in there and get tons of ideas. I walked out w/ a cool new Bible and three books. So this weekend I will start reading the books and I think talk about them in my blog for the next week. The first one is "This isn't the life I signed up for" by Donna Partow. I hope you are patient b/c you will probably need it w/ me on this one. I hate to beat the same ole dead drum, but it just seems to me from being with my family, around my friends and just watching the news each day (which I try not to do) that there is alot of hurt and pain going on and we all need to know maybe one, why it is happening (although we may never get that answer) and what to do and how to handle it when it happens. I'm excited......not about realizing I have issues, but excited that God pointed these books out to me yesterday and the fact that He is going to help us all through them!!

I hope you all have a great weekend. Be safe.. Lord willing, we will talk again on Monday!

Rubberband man

This is my friend Peacegirl's blog.. I copied it from MySpace ... she's pretty swiff if you ask me. And this has been me for a few days and when I re read it, I knew I had to post it. See.. right now I really do feel like a wad of rubber bands.. all tangled up, not really knowing which way to turn or how to get out. People really seem to think that because I write all the time and maybe come up w/ a few good zingers that life is okay. Somedays its really not and as a matter of fact. .I actually hate when people throw at me how strong I am, and how they admire me for whatever I have done. I get tired folks, my back feels like ts gonna break sometimes.. it just gets hard and when it gets hard, I am like everyone else.. I withdraw and go into my shell. Peacegirl's post really hit me and I wanted to share it with you also.




"A few other things to ponder:*

We cannot be spiritual(walk in the spirit) and be led by our emotions.

*Emotions won't go away, but you can learn to manage them.

*You can have emotions, but you can't always rely on them.

Are you feeling the pain of reality in your life, yet? I certainly did. This was an amazing thing to me, because for a girl who talks of peace all the time, I could not for the life of me figure out why I had so many zany emotions twirling about me! And I am telling you, it was robbing my peace something fierce. It affected my decision making to the point I could not make decisions with any sort of peace at all. For you see, I was truly living out of my every emotion.So, what to do? I saw the problem now and wanted to live life differently. I am not here to preach the gospel to you, but I do want to tell you what has impacted my life.

First of all, I recognized what and how I was allowing my life to directed. Next, I made a decision to search for myself and ask god to show me what He intended for us women and our emotions! And this is what He says: "You are fearlessly and wonderfully made" So, I quit beating myself up about my zany emotions. BUT, as in all areas of our lives, we should make a conscious effort to bring our emotions into balance. You get that, a conscious effort!By simply stopping to breathe, take a second to look at what we are feeling, sort the good and pure feelings from the entanglement of the negative ones, and foremost, build up your reservoir with a love for God.

Hmmm, you say...well, I love God! Well, yes, I do too! But we can love Him more. The more we find out about Him and His ways, the more we are going to love Him and the more we will want to have His ways displayed in us!And we will need a reservoir of love, because the next time someone or something ticks you off or makes you sad or whatever, if you have no reservoir to dig in.....then you are going to pop the heck out of the first person that gets in your way with that big entanglement of rubber band emotions.

So the next time you or I go slinging our rubber band emotions all over our kids, significant other, or the Wal-Mart employee....let's think about those rubber band emotions and kick in to management mode!

When I first did Weight Watchers (about 4 yrs ago) with my friend, I lost around 70 lbs. Now I'm pretty tall, but I can remember people just being in awe of the weight loss and I'll admit it all went to my head which is probably why I have gained just about all of it back now. But I remember going to my meetings and them saying that Weght Watchers was a lifestyle change.. it meant changing what you do and how you think about food and doing it forever. It wasn't hard, it was pretty easy once you actually started doing it a while... I guess I just got bored though and stopped. Hence going back to the same ole thing I was use to, including gaining weight!

I have been re reading the Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren and he said the same thing about Christianity as the Weight Watcher folks say about weight loss.... "Christianity is not a religion or philosophy, but a relationship and a lifestyle." It means making changes and sticking to them. There has to mental and physical changes in order for it to Christianity to mean anything in your life. Just like losing weight... you can't just close your eyes and hope for the best, it takes making decisions to change, making an effort to change and making sure you don't stop even when things get hard. And like Weight Watchers, once you make the decision to change your life, you will begin to see things a little different. There may be people that you have to stop dealing with, habits you have to break and places you may not be able to go anymore. But you can be sure that if your attitude has changed, if you have prayed and asked God for wisdom and guidance, that He won't let you down.

I hope you all have a really great Wednesday.

Everything happens for a reason!

I would love to take credit for this blog but I can't. I was playing around on the Internet and came across this and there was no way I could come up with anything better. It was perfectly worded!I am a firm believer in everything happens for a reason.. I don't think God puts things or people in our lives for nothing.. it's all about learning and growing. I hope you all have a great day!!!







"Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there...to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson or help figure out who you are or who you want to become.

You never know who these people may be but, when you lock eyes with them, you know that every moment they will affect your life in some profound way. And sometimes things happen to you at the time that may seem horrible, painful and unfair but, upon reflection, you realize that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, will power or heart.

Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of good luck. Illness, Injury, love, lost moments of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul.

Without these small tests, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere. Safe and comfortable but dull and utterly pointless. The people you meet affect your life. The successes and downfalls that you experience can create who you are, and the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are probably the most poignant and important ones.

If someone hurts you, betrays you or breaks your heart, forgive them because they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart to. If someone loves you, love them back, unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because they are teaching you to love and open your heart and eyes to little things.

Make every day count. Appreciate every moment and take from it everything that you possibly can, for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk to people you have never talked to before, and actually listen. Let yourself fall in love, break free and set your sights high.

Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself, no one else will believe in you."

-Author Unknown

And you know this HOW???

I have been really trying to hear God these past few months and for me, it's not always so easy. This past week was a prime example for me. Seems that lately God has brought alot of things BACK up in my life that I am having to finally deal with. My problem is that I have a problem telling if it's my voice or God 's voice I am hearing, so I make alot of decisions based on ME and not God.. I think as we grow in God's Will, it may become easier to figure it all out.

First I think we have to figure out what it is we want and then see if it lines up with what God has said in His Word. Satan has a way of "helping " us by getting us off track from what it is we need to be doing. I think that another thing we can know for sure is that hearing God's voice will lead to a peace that will never make us doubt. If God is in it, then there s nothing that should be able to make us doubt or regret any decision we have made. But like anything in life, its all a process including hearing God.

Sometime we don't hear as clearly as we like and we go with what we think we hear only to find out we may have made a mistake and that's okay. Its part of the learning process and I think that God can teach us even through mistakes. Sunday was beautiful and I decided to sit outside. No noise, no kids (they were sleeping), no cell phone, no distractions.. just me and nature (well the nature of my back yard). It was one of the most peaceful nights I have had in a while. And I listened... I really tried to hear what was being told to me. See I already knew while i was in the house what I wanted.. what I want, but when I stepped on the patio.. I let my mind just try to go as blank as possible and I listened... I am not going to tell you I had a revelation and that I heard some powerful voice from the sky..., I will tell you that I did have a sense of calm, peace and it allowed me to sleep well and have some clear thoughts.

A while ago in anothe blog I wrote that God hears everything you have to say to him, but it might not be His Will now or ever for that matter to give it to you.. meaning He knows best and MORE than you. And I will be the first to admit, that is hard for me cause I mean after all I KNOW what makes me feel good and what I think I need. key word being THINK.

By no means do I have the lock on hearing God and knowing all the answers and I have made more mistakes than a few but what I do know is that if it is really coming from God, if HE was the one who actually told you, then there is no reason to force the decision, it will happen just the way God planned for it to.

I hope you all have agreat Monday!!

Happy Friday Everyone

This week was a long one for me. Work was very busy (which is a good thing), I had alot of stuff at home to do, kids seemed to have alot going on too.. it was just busy all the way around. I also learned a little about myself this week with a situation that came up which kind of threw me off a little, but it's okay now.

I did realize this week though that God uses everything and everyone to get His point across. It doesn't mean you are trying to play God or trying to make YOUR will His will, it just means I think (and you can tell me if I am wrong) that God uses things you have been through to help someone else. Maybe some people actually need to hear it first hand b/c maybe God seems so far away and unreachable and you don't. I'm still thinking about that one...... But fact remains.. if someone needs help and it is in your power to help.. then do it. Don't let an opportunity pass you by to show people Christ.. no matter how busy you are!!

I love you all alot!! Have a great weekend, be SAFE and stay warm. I hear its suppose to be nice here this weekend... Lord willing and the creek don't rise, we will be here again on Monday morning......

hugs and kisses

Brianna had a test to take yesterday and the only reason I knew about the test was that I was at the school Friday and her teacher "reminded" her while I was there. They all pretty much know how I am when it comes to her grades so she wanted to make sure I knew, because the test was not going to be an easy one. All that weekend, I kept telling Brianna and making her study. She whined, moaned, and complained about how hard the test was going to be and how she knew she wouldn't pass it.. blah blah blah.... I basically told her "SO" study anyway. We went through that Friday, Saturday and Sunday. She was mad at me but I told her, this is middle school, the tests are not going to get any easier next year as you start high school so you might as well suck it up and do it.

In Acts14: 21-26, Paul and Barnabas were in Antioch, Lystra and Iconium teaching and preaching the disciples trying to encourage them and make sure they keep the faith. In verse 22, they said "we must go through hardships to enter the kingdom of heaven". Now I don't think that taking a middle school test is a hardship, but it just reminds me that everything we do, we have to work hard for, including getting into the kingdom of heaven. There are times when it seems our faith is being tested more, things are way more intense. But in these intense times, I think that we are coming to a new level, a new understanding of God. Stay focused friends, the harder the test, the greater the reward. God is using that faith to help you accomplish more in His kingdom.

By the way.. Bri made a 90 on that test!!

Have a great day all, Lord willing, we will talk tomorrow!! I love ya!

yesterday was beautiful

Last night I went to Wal Mart with a friend and noticed ho nice it was outside. I mean it was beautiful.. the wind was blowing just right, the sky was actually clear... it was my kind of night. When I got home, kids were in bed(YES!!!!), kitchen was clean (check), everything was in perfect order for me to go outside and sit on the patio. That's my most favorite time of any day, any year. I don't get to do it alot, but when I get the chance I don't miss it.

Mark 1:35 - " And early in the morning, while it was still dark, He arose and went out and departed to a lonely place, and was praying there."

I realize that we all lead busy live. Between work, kids, home lives, church lives, extra activities that we and our kids are involved in keep us on the run all the time. But when is God's time? I guess if we can find time to go to basketball practice everyday, games on Saturday, club meetings twice a week, time to watch Law and Order (my favorite show) and even go to the gym.... can God not get time too? I have been guilty of saying how I do not have time but have caught myself sitting on the couch doing nothing basically. In order to really know God, know what He wants from you and what He expects from you, there has to be communication. Even Jesus made time as we see in Mark (and MANY other verses) to have His time w/ the Father.

Last night was great, it really was. Hershey was there jumping all over me, the moon was beautiful, I was reminded last night of how truly blessed I really am. I don't have everything I want, but I sure have all I need. Kids are happy and healthy, we have a home to live in, a job to go to, food to eat, the fact that I have internet to be able to write everyday..... God is good, He really is. I think sometimes we take alot for granted and in times like we are living in now... we need to be on our knees thanking God everyday for all He has done for us.

I hope you all have a good Wednesday, Lord willing, we will talk again tomorrow!! Love ya!

I have been very blessed in life to have jobs that I have loved. I worked at Dairy Queen, Wal-Mart, Books-A-Million, a credit union, a bank and now for an Architect. Each one for me was a stepping stone. I have also been what I would call lucky too because as I moved up in each of these companies, I had no clue how to do anything that they did. I went from working customer service at Wal-Mart to being a store manager at the bookstore to working in banking.There were a bunch of times where I wasn't sure if I would make it, but I tried to do my best and learn as much as I could and it has seemed to work out.

Colossians 3:23-24 - "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving."

Sometimes when we are trying to figure out just what it is God wants us to do, we tend to think really big. We look at people who are able to be missionaries, people who have a calling to preach, or anything that we think is "big" and think that our contributions will not matter. I think God has a plan for each of us and it may not win a big prize or even get you any recognition, but it is a roll that God planned for you so you should do it to the best of your ability. I am happy that the minister at my church is there and I appreciate him for all he does, but you know what.. I appreciate the person who comes and cleans our building and does our yard work just as much!

Our work's true value is found not in rewards but in our faithfulness to God.

Have a blessed day .. Lord willing, we will talk again tomorrow!!!

I am thankful....

I am thankful:

That the kids and I woke up to another day.

That the boys actually woke up without fighting me this morning. They were excited about dress down day.

That Brianna took the trash out without me having to ask.

That I am able to get my hair done today cause it looks a hot mess!!

That we are able to have a home to live in, food to eat, and clothes to wear.

That I got to enjoy last nght with some really good friends even though I didn't win the game!!

That is it beautiful outside.

That its Friday and my office closes at 1:00!

That even though the world seems messed up right now, God is still there for all of us if we want Him!

That my little radio is still working cause wthout snging and dancng in the morning, I probably wouldn't make it!!

COFFEE!!!!!!


I hope you all have a good weekend. I love you all and Lord willing, we will talk again soon!!


GOOOOOOOOOO STEELERS!!! (thats for Michelle and Melinda!! )

Genesis 12:2 "I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing."

In Genesis, not only is God blessing Abraham and his family, but He tells Abraham that he himself would be a blessing to others. I think that the same is very true today and God continues to bless each of us. He has given us so many things, one being the fact that He gave us His one and only Son. His grace is amazing and He lets us be a part of His kingdom. Not only should we be enjoying the things God has given us, but should be sharing them with the world we live in, the people around us. God gives freely to us and we should not be scared to give back to others.

Luke 12:48 "But the one who does not know and does things deserving punishment will be beaten with few blows. From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked."

I hope you all have a wonderful Monday!!


and Congrats to all the Steeler fans!!!

I can't sleep

At 2:00 AM Sanford and Son comes on, 3:00AM The Jeffersons, 4:00AM Good Times. All on TVLand. I know this because I have been getting up for some reason at these times every night since I finished school. It's like since I have this time on my hands now, I go to bed early and also seem to wake up at 2 every morning... I must have some kind of internal clock going on. It's actually a pain when I have to get the kids up at 6 for school.

Psalms 119:148 - "My eyes are awake before the watches of the night, that I may meditate on your promises."

The psalmist in this verse seems to not be able, like me to sleep at night, but he handles it a little different. Instead of TVLand, he meditates on God and the promises He makes to us. When our minds are wondering about what happened today, what could have happened today or even what will happen tomorrow, we should be concentrating on resting so that God's grace and mercy will help us face a new day. So maybe instead of going to bed knowing that I will be up sooner than later, I (we) should take God's word and read about His promises to us, pray and then fall asleep with God's promises on your mind and heart.

I hope you all have a great day!!! Lord willing, until tomorrow......

Attitudes

There are times when I am not so positive. I think the way I wake up in the mornings pretty much controls my whole day and being as I am really not a morning person makes it even worse. I have to MAKE myself not be such a pain in the butt when I get to work. I mean I don't mean to be mean, but sometimes I am and they can see it. It something I constantly work on.

Sad to say, but I have had so many things go on in my life that negative attitudes became a way of life for me. To me, there was no other way to think and it became a part of my life daily. It actually felt good. I believed every negative thing I thought and no one for a really long time could tell me anything different. My attitude was ALL wrong.

I love being around positive people. Their attitudes are contagious. I want to be around them all the time in hopes that their attitude will rub off on me. But attitude is a choice. Even though situations may not change, people won't change but we make the choice to think positive or negative. We know makes God promises to us if we are living how we are suppose to. So if we think and concentrate on these promises, then the negative will not take control of our days. I had to and I think we all have to take control of our thoughts and find out exactly what God wants us to do and how He wants us to handle situations. So put yourself around people and things that influence you in a positive way.. the number one being God. take time to read, study and pray and let the Holy Spirit guide you in your daily walk.

I hope you all have a wonderful WARM day!!! The weekend is almost here... Be blessed and Lord willing, until tomorrow.....

FYI

I have been writing a while now and I finally started this page so I posted some of my writings on here. As the days go on, I will post more but I don't want to overload you now.. LOL. Some of you have read alot of these and I apologize....

Have a blessed one!

Good morning ladies. I hope you all had a good weekend.

Mine was very busy, some things didn't go as planned and it kind of got me down a little but a friend told me " We plan and God laughs".. strangely enough, that made me feel better. I did however get the chance to have fellowship in my house last night with my church family. I ran around all day trying to clean the house and stressed about stuff not being in place still by the time everyone got here, but you know what.. it didn't matter in the end. Seemed as though I really got calmer once we talked.. it was good. I enjoy our talks.. keeps me focused on what I want to happen the following week. I hope that you were able to take time this weekend and have some kind of reflection about what you want to happen in your life. I hope that includes God.

Have a great Monday ladies and to the ones off today and tomorrow since school is out... Lucky you!!

Love you all!!!

A year ago today, I wrote this:

"I often think about how my life would have been different if my parents would have still been here. They were TRULY my rock and my backbone. I knew to them, I could do anything and be anything I wanted to be. Life is strange without them. I use to ask God all the time, WHY? I never got that answer and then I went to well if you have to take a parent, that's fine but did you have to take BOTH of them so close together? Still no answer... I probably will never get that answer nor do I expect it anymore. God is a good and just God and He makes no mistakes and if it was His will, so it is. I have been studying in a Bible Class that when God gives us things its because He trust us to do His Will with them. He is counting on me to be there for someone else who may not have been through what I have yet, so I will be. Hard as it still is, I will be there for them. Still doesn't mean I don't miss them when its Grandparent's Day for the kids at school and they have no one to go with, when its their B-days and they cant attend, when I just wanna go to their house and cry so they can fix whatever problem I have. Now, I just talk to them and HOPE that I am doing what they would want me to do.


Today is my mom's 62nd birthday and last year, like the years before I always had a hard time. Its hard to believe it's been 10 years. I can tell you today, truthfully, that I miss her more than you know, but it's finally OK. I don't have to have answers cause I know that God's Will was done. I know that my mom raised me to the best of her ability, teaching me love, trust, honesty, respect and most important that I am to love God and raise my family to do the same.

Proverbs 22:6 " Train up a child in the way he should go, And even when he is old he will not depart from it" - and I haven't.


I am not my mom, although I look alot like her and my grandma seems to think she is talking to my mom on the phone all the time, but she is here with me all the time. Guiding me still. I remember the things she taught me and I am now trying to teach it to my own children as best I can. I want to make her proud and my goal, the goal that I want for my children is eternal life in heaven w/ God AND the grandparents they never met. I can't wait.

And it gives me great pleasure knowing that my dad is dancing around with his "Shortie" on her birthday today.


Also, today is Melanie's birthday!! I love you MEL!!! I always told you that you were really lucky to have this as your birthday!!!

Today is going to be a good day, a really good one. I love you all!!

Psalms 62:1 - " My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken."

I think that for me, the biggest thing I want anyone to know and the thing I try to tell myself every time I am dealing with an issue is, God is the one who can fix it. It seems to me that once we finally realize that there is NO issue to big for God, we will be much better off. I told someone the other day that it amazes me that there are so many people in the world that have problems and God being the one and only can hear us all cry at the same time. I have a hard time listening to my three children at once, but not only can HE and does He listen, He helps us all. All we have to do is be willing to share with Him. I mean you might as well, it's not like He doesn't know anyway. Who are we trying to hide from???? I know for me, at one point in my life, I almost felt like I wa actually "hiding" from God and HE couldn't see me so I was ok. Funny how your mind works when you do wrong.... but He sees, and hears and all He is waiting for is us to come to Him openly and honestly asking for help when we need it. He's all you need and as it says in Psalms 62 your soul should find rest in God alone.

This is my all time favorite song we sing in church!! Really!! Everytime we sing it I get chills!! In it it says.... "when the oceans rise and thunders roll, I will soar with you above the storm. Father you are king over the flood. I will be still and know you are God." That's what we need to do.. KNOW He is God and no matter what happens, no matter what you think will happen, just chill and talk to Him. He can handle any and EVERYTHING you throw at Him!



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2swjpTUiPk&feature=related

"Lord willing and the creek don't rise..." my daddy use to say that all the time when I was growing up. I mean ALL the time and being small I really never knew what that meant. But in James 4:13-17 (from the Message) it says:

"And now I have a word for you who brashly announce, "Today—at the latest, tomorrow—we're off to such and such a city for the year. We're going to start a business and make a lot of money." You don't know the first thing about tomorrow. You're nothing but a wisp of fog, catching a brief bit of sun before disappearing. Instead, make it a habit to say, "If the Master wills it and we're still alive, we'll do this or that." As it is, you are full of your grandiose selves. All such vaunting self-importance is evil. In fact, if you know the right thing to do and don't do it, that, for you, is evil."

I am so guilty of this, always talking about what I have planned out for next YEAR, not just tomorrow, but plain and simple, we have no clue about what we are going to do tomorrow. That's not to say I don't think, that we don't or shouldn't have a plan maybe. I mean tomorrow the plan is for me to get the kids up, get them ready and go to work. But like my daddy, when I pray I should be praying " if it is your will...." Not only that, we need to be making sure we are doing good for one another TODAY and not putting it off until we think we have more time. If there is something we can be doing for someone, someone we can be sharing God's Word with, then do it because we may never get that chance again.

I hope you all have a wonderful day and just remember that every moment we have is a moment we can be sharing with someone else!

I spent one of the best weekends in my life this weekend. On Friday, Saturday and Sunday I spent pretty much of all of my days with my Christian friends. We did trick or treating Friday, a Fall Festival Saturday and church on Sunday. I spent some time at my friend's daughters 1st birthday party. The weekend was really good. I realized this morning how much I gain from being around things that are positive in my life. They (my friends and the activities themselves) keep me pumped up for the next week. And I definitely felt God this whole weekend.

This is going to be a good week. One way or the other, we get a new President, no matter who it is, the weather is changing and is beautiful,everyday that we wake up we are blessed and we get another chance to show Christ's love to someone. Find those opportunities, they are there and there are alot of them. We may only get one chance to make a difference in someone's life... don't lose it!

Have a wonderful day ladies and make it a positive one!

went to bed a very emotional person last night. I know that not everyone felt or feels the same way. I went to bed thinking that I wished my mom and dad were hered to see what happened. I wished that my 94 yr old grandmother had lived another year to see. I went to bed praying that my children would realize that and now see that all things are possible. But most of all, I still went to bed knowing that God is in control. Nothing has changed about that. We have a new President elect but that does not change God. We all still need to be praying and not a negative prayer. We still need to be praying that God's will be done as far as our nation goes and that our elected officials call on Him to help make decisions that will affect all of us. We are all still God's children.. God's team.. we can make a difference with prayer.

I love you all and have a wonderful day!!!

But I want it NOW!!!

I want - the dream that most of the women in the world want. The house with the white picket fence, two and a half kids (who thinks of this stuff), a nice job making the money I want to make, really good friends who have my back no matter what, bills paid, money in the bank and of course, how could I forget, someone to share all of that with. I think, honestly that I have those things. I mean I have the house with a wire fence (I'll take it), I have the kids (not the half part but I have three), I have the best job in the world (REALLY), I love it, my friends are the BEST in the world, putting up with me and all my crap, hmmmmm the bill part, well ....lol..... its working ok. And then there is the person to share it with, there is the hitch. Seems to me, that in my mind at least, I NEED this in order to make whatever I do have complete. I mean, my life is good, really good. I have it better than most and still its not enough for me. I just want to be happy.. whats wrong with that?
Now to
God's plan for me - He has given me (I probably don't deserve it) a home and a wonderful job to live in and work at so that I can take care of my children to learn to live for him and not concentrate on worldly things. He has made sure that through all my stupid mistakes ( and LORD KNOWS there has been alot of them) that I can always come back to him, He is not giving up on me. The friends He has sent to me are truly a God send. they keep me out of trouble, they console and comfort me when I think I cannot go on and they do so out of pure Love, nothing else. He has allowed me to go through trials and troubles not to hurt me, but to make me stronger for people who might need me (yep, need ME). As for the other thing, the one that seems so big to ME, you know I have done alot of stupid things to make what I want to happen happen and it NEVER works. Wonder why that is? Probably for the same reason as I tell everyone else when they tell me this stuff.... God hears what you want and just because you want it NOW, it doesn't mean that it is in His plan right now or honestly ever. Until I ( and this is really for me and no one else) get happy with myself and FULLY rely on God for EVERY issue I have and not try to think I can handle the little ones myself and call on Him for the big ones, nothing is gonna work right. Sure, I will find that person that I think is good, but it won't be because I am trying to do it myself. That a hard pill to swallow... that I have to give it all up to Him and say "OKAY I'm done, this is on you now, go for it"... taking that leap of faith that is talked about so much. And this is coming from a girl raised in the church all her life, can quote the scriptures and tell YOU what you need to do.... it scares me to no ends....it means that I have to give up the control I THINK that I have...but I am willing..what other choice do I have.

" On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand".

Thank you God for my trials

I journal alot and I was going through it last night and decided to copy this. I hope I don't bore y'all to tears, but I really just want you to know that no matter what i going on, God is there even when you think he's not. I went through a long period, a very long one, thinking I was all alone and that He had forgotten about me. Thank GOD we havea loving and forgiving Father who only wants to see us with him one day!!

I am sitting on my bed, listening to my sons laugh and play. My daughter, although not in the best mood, is watching TV, but shes okay. Its cold outside but I can get up and turn the heat on in a minute. Chinese was the menu tonight, not for me, but the kids. They like it. Tomorrow I am gong to an honors breakfast for my daughter and at noon, having lunch w/ three friends. Everyone is heatlhy and happy.

As random as this seems, its really not. I said before in a previous blog that this year was going to be different, that God had plans for me, that I was not going to do the same ole dumb things and so far, this year.. God is keeping me on track cause I KNOW I am not doing it alone. I have to thank god EVERYDAY for allowing me to deal with disappointments, pains, sufferings, late bills (although not my favorite), upset kids, and just life ... you know why.. because He has made my back strong!!! He allows me to learn and learn and also to teach some things I learned. No matter what the devil tries to do, God is gonna counter and take care of it. No matter how much more I THINK I can't handle, He lets me know that not only can I handle it, but I OVERCOME it. What a powerful and rewarding feeling to have. to know that someone has my back even if I slip a little or even alot.

There are times that I wonder WHY I had to go thru the divorce and now it still seems that I feel the backlash from it even after 4 yrs..... Its okay to wonder why and ask questions but dont let that stop you from moving forward. Life is NOT easy and anyone that tells you that is a liar. You will always have problems, big or small.... but how are you going to handle them? I am not the best always by any means but I try. I am not giving up, I won't I can't. I have three people in the house counting on me to wipe tears, help w/ homework and just make what isn't right, right.

Thank God for the bad times, He knows what He's doing!!

Have a wonderful and safe week ladies!!

Yesterday was not a good day. Started out w/ me having to miss church because of a mishap, but I was able to later make it to Lifegroup later that night. In Lifegroup, we talked about asking God SPECIFICALLY for things we wanted. And pretty much everyone said that they had asked for things and they got them, maybe not in the timeframe they wanted but they did. Or that they asked but maybe were not confident enough that God would maake it all okay. So here I go openeing my mouth. I said that its not that I haven't asked and that He hasn't answered, but the thing I struggle with is that He HAS answered and I don't like nor want to do what He said. Is that crazy or what? But see, my answer meant that I have to give up friends and things that are not on the same wavelength so to speak as I am. Thats hard, eally hard since I have had those friends and things in my life a long time and I mean they really couldn't be that bed right? I found out really quickly when I got home.

" Ask and it shall be given to you, seek and you shall find, knock and the door will be open" Matthew 7:7

Once I got home and the car didn't start, I called my church buddy to come over and she did but I also called someone else to come and check on the car. This would be one of those people that need to go away and it was really obvious that God was trying to tell me something.. even my church buddy told me so.. she saw it too. Not one of the easiest things I have to do, but I definately got my confrmation once again last night and I think I better not ignore it this time.

I think we (me) have to know that if we really ask, He is going to answer. it may not be in our time and it definately may not be what we want to hear but we have to kow that He knows WAY more than we do and knows us better than we know ourselves. We need to get rid of all the selfishness and pride we have inside and put all that trust in Him. I would only imagine that if He wants something out of our lives, it's probably not good for us which means He definatly has something better!!

Have a wonderful Monday ladies!!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=751MJ36jVkY ( I love this song!! Its my new favorite from .. I listen to it everyday!!)

I actually wrote this over a year ago. Seemed to be approporite for some things going on with me now and figured they might help someone else. Let me ssy this, whe nI do my personal writings, it's pretty raw to say the least, but I have tried to revise this one some as to not offend anyone. I hope you all have a wonderful day and I love you!!!!!!








We had a sermon on this a while ago. I wish I had taken better notes so I will do the best I can. If any of you know verses, etc. please let me know. I never professed to be a Bible scholar, but I know a little bit.

We are all so consumed by trying to be happy. Trying to get the most out of life, grabbing all the gusto we can get. That's what it is about right? Making sure we are happy. I will be the first one to tell you, I don't like being alone, I like being around lots of people and being happy seems to make my life alot easier. Who wouldn't want to be happy. But what is it we are happy about? Our jobs, husbands/wives, homes, kids, money, material things, what? I am not saying that all of these things are not important because they really are. I ALWAYS wanna make sure my kids are okay and the house is in order so they will have a safe, nice place to live but when you sit and think about it, none of that makes us as happy as we think it does. If it did, we would NEVER have problems b/c we could always go back to it. I would love to be married again, but that is no promise that my life would be happy then.

Happiness, TRUE happiness is, I think, and from what I can remember from the sermon, is found in one person. The one who is always going to be there for you no matter what. If you mess up, hes there, When you do good, hes there. When no one else can be found, Hes there. Anyway... I spent YEARS and I do mean YEARS hoping and wishing that my life was somehow different than it is now. I mean I had all kinds of reasons and most of them involved me being happy. Why would god NOT want me to be happy? I have/had done what I "needed" to do, or so I thought anyway. This being alone crap sucks to no end. Raising three kids is no joke! Tryingto juggle bills on one income, well I wont even get into it. I went to chruch all the time, took the kids, made sure they were involved in just about everything.... so what was the problem? I have said on more than one occasion that I couldn't do this alone and that God needed to help me fix this. But my idea of fixing was finding a man, YES I SAID IT, a man to help me w/ the kids, to pay bills and basically to just be there for me to make me happy....BOY WAS I WRONG!!!!

I asked and God actually sent what I asked for... don't ever think Hedoesnt answer prayers.. He does... but i tell you what..you better be SPECIFIC in your prayers or you will get just what you ask for. I have been through so many loser men. I got just what I asked for. That quick happiness that wouldnt last no matter how much money they had. And it was literally like I woke up one day and said, thats not what I want. The partying, drinking all the time, acting like I had no home training (bet my mama is turning overin her grave, or she did at least) and trying to MAKE myself happy ...it wasnt working anymore.

I think I have always known that my happiness needs to be found in the one who is not gonna let me down no matter how much I mess up. As long as I am true to Him, take all the problems to him and trust him to handle them. I mean really... so you are happy right here on earth. You have all the money, friends, fame maybe, relationships, etc you can handle. Who cares! Thats not the ultimate goal anyway, or at least not if you are a Christian. I will get that happiness I want and it may not be in this lifetime as we know it. Its coming, I know it. It will be an eternal happiness... no crying, no fears, no tears. It will be that time, Lord willing, that I get to see my parents again, that my kids get to meet their grandparents and I won't have to stress about anything anymore. I'll finally be happy .. and not that I am rushing...LOL.. I'm not and thats not to say I won't strive to be all I can be now and make sure that my life as I know it runs as smoothly as possible. It just means I won't add any needed stress to it, or I sure won'try too anyway. Does that mean life will be easy... not in the least. But it means that I know there is a much bigger picture than any of us can even imagine right now and I am ready for the ride....

Have a good day all and try to stay as positive as possible. There really is something better than this!

The week has really been beautiful.

Yesterday I was confronted in a situation. Not really confronted, but it came up. I was asked and opinion and I gave it. Somehow I think it came out wrong. I came off as being harsh and maybe a little rude because I said and gave my opinion .. and opinion mind you, that a few months ago, I would have been a whole lot nicer I might add and said what they wanted to hear.

I didn't do that this time. Let me tell you something, and I really believe this. Lord knows I am not perfect. I have done a whole lot of things, even up until a few months ago that I am not proud of. But I have been trying and working because I really am trying to change. And I think right is right and wrong is wrong. For a really long time, people I was around have condoned things i have done and I them, because, well, because we " understood" why we were doing what it is we were doing and it made sense to us. "So what we acted a certain way in public, there is so much going on in my life, I deserve some fun", " He made me do it", " It's really not that big of a deal, I am not doing anything to anyone".. I said all those things and a whole lot more to make what I was doing make sense. And this is from me, a woman who was really brought up w/ good parents, knowing I knew better, you know. I did it anyway. And literally one day, and this is no lie... I think I actually grew a conscience. I think I had lost that somewhere down the line and when I started doing things, I actually felt bad about it. I talked to a few friends, people at church and honestly I had no idea what was going on. Sometimes I still don't.

But what I do know and what I have been hearing and feeling is that when I REALLY thought God was gone, He showed up to me big time!!! I saw it, I felt it and HE let me know that things had to changed. I was way out there y'all. And I guess this is a bit of confession and I apologize... I am not hear to give you all the dirty details of my life.. but I am telling you... there are things I was doing that could have seriously cost my soul. And I got another confirmation a few weeks ago when my youngest son told me one day coming home from church .." Mama, where is God?" I told him God was everywhere, including in the car with us. He then said " Well, I am ready to go see God, I wanna see him in the face"... I could have fell out right there. Mama is not ready for her baby to see God but I knew that in order for him to see Him, I had to show him how to get there.. and what I have been doing is not going to get him there.

I have a daughter that is starting high school next year, HIGH SCHOOL people.. I'm 35.. I remember being 18 and thinking 35 was old. It's not so old anymore... but I realize that when my son talks about going to Heaven, and my daughter starting high school, things had to and have to change with me.

So, if I am a little brass or blunt, please don't take it as me not understanding... it's not.. I have been there more than you even know. But there is no misquoting, changing up what the Word says to make it fit what you want or thinking that a few times won't hurt. There are so many topics that are plain as day written for us from God... we make choices and we have a guide to help with the choices we make. We have to have some kind of accountability and God gives it to us. Find someone who will help you, not condone the things that are wrong and help and guide you to the right things. So I am saying this now, knowing that I send this to people I socialize with, go to church with, work with and just send e mails with...... hold me accountable. I probably need it more than anyone.

I apologize again for this long "letter" and know that I love you all and want nothing but the best for you!! Have a wonderful weekend!!

My brother sent me a thought for the day today. he sends me one everyday but today it was FOR me. It said :

"God allows us to experience the low points of life in order to teachus lessons we could not learn in any other way. The way we learn thoselessons is not to deny the feelings but to find the meanings underlyingthem."

WOW! I was like YES, how true this is, this is ME, I can tell you a story for this one. So of course I sent this to everyone in my address book including my minister. He replied w/ this:

"…before we choose to follow God's will, a crisis must develop in our lives. This happens b/c we tend to be unresponsive to God's gentler nudges. He brings us to the place where He asks us to be our utmost for Him and we begin to debate. He then providentially produces a crisis where we have to decide – for or against. That moment becomes a great crossroads in our lives. If a crisis has come to you on any front, surrender your will to Jesus absolutely and irrevocably."

Now mind you these are quoted from famous people so neither of them made these up. But when he sent that, I was a bit puzzled. I understand what this guy is saying in the quote, I really do, but it kind of upset me that God thinks that I have to go thru SOOO much b/c I didnt feel a nudge he was giving me. I have been through many a crisis and believe me, I FELT every single nudge He sent to me. So I replied with this:

Okay... I'm not slow and I understand what he is saying, but I don't think I like it. Maybe not like it is not the right choice of words. But it kinda makes me mad to think that God thinks I'm being unresponsive to his nudges and therefore brings about a crisis. Hmmmmm maybe I am reading too much into it. I mean I really understand what hes saying but I don't know that I agree it works that way. At least not in my case....
And once again he came back w/ this:

I agree with you. We were talking about this subject last night in the teen class and the question came up, "Do you pray more in the good times or the bad?" Not that I think God brings bad things into our lives to make us pray, but I do think that many, not all, have a tendency to forget Him when things are good. When things are good, they often have this false sense of personal empowerment. It's the "Look what I did" mentality. Now, I truly don't believe that that happens with everyone. I think sometimes the trials God allows us to go through are the result Him wanting us to grow, mature. But sometimes, I do think Chambers is right in that God uses the crisis b/c His gentle nudgings have gone ignored.

Hmmmm..... I understand, I really do, but thats a hard pill to swallow sometimes ya know. So I sat an thought about all the times I think I can handle everything on my own. All the times when I think its ME who is making all the decisions w/ no help from anyone.... who am I kidding?!?!?!? So I have been through alot, and I do believe that the devil played a big part in alot of that.. it wasn't God. But He did allow me to go thru it to learn, to make me better, to help someone else that may go thtough the same things I went through. All I guess I can say is Thank You

If the skies above you are gray

"If the skies above you are gray; You are feelin' so blue If your cares and burdens seem great, All the whole day through; There's a silver lining that shines, In the heavenly land. Look by faith and see it my friend Trust in His promises Grand...."

My daddy was one of the gentlest men I have ever known. There wasn't much that upset him and the one thing I can remember was him standing at the back of the church, opening and closing the door for people. While he was back there though, church would be going on and the one thing my daddy loved to do, other than helping people, was sing. I think I get it from him. He was actually in a gospel singing group that made a record. He LOVED to sing and Sing and Be Happy was one of his favorites. When we would sing that song, his hands would be in his pocket and he would be bouncing up and down, jingling that money in his pockets. Everyone could hear and my brother and I would get so embarrassed, I mean, singing was ok but lets not draw attention. But he didn't care, my daddy loved God and loved praising Him and he didn't care who saw him. He was singing because he was happy. And isn't that what it is about?

Praising God no matter what and not being embarrassed to do so. I have been in church and seen people raise their hands while worshiping, clap, close their eyes, do whatever they need to be feel God. I watch my children look at some of them like they were not sure what was going on or if it was even right. But its so easy for us to give praise and recognition to everyone else in the world, why not God?

So I guess its really simple today... just praise Him, period. Whatever works for you, just do it.. I'm really serious, I like to sing and most days (well everyday) I have my radio on at work so it wouldn't be an odd thing to come by my office and hear me singing. It makes the day so much better. Your whole attitude will change.. watch how God works in and through you.

"Sing and you'll be happy today; Press along to the goal. Trust in Him who leadeth the way He is keeping your soul; Let the world know where you belong, Look to Jesus and pray Lift your voice and praise Him in song Sing and be happy today"

When we say we believe in God, do we really? When we say we put all our trust in Him, do we try to handle the parts we can and only call on Him for the "hard" ones? Do we really have faith, the kind that can move mountains? Do we believe Him when He says He will NEVER leave us nor forsake us? Do we know that God loves us even when we mess up? When you say that you trust the one that made the sun, moon and stars and every thing in between, do you really trust Him.. trust Him w/ your heart soul and mind?

I think (myself included) that sometimes it "sounds" good to say it and tell people we believe it, but when it comes down to it, when we are alone and the doors are closed... we give up b/c we think He isn't listening. He is listening, all the time.. he knows the hairs on your head as well as all the tears you have cried. But its all in His time, His way.. there are no exceptions. Yeah, we can make decisions, but I KNOW FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE.. those decisions we make will follow us the rest of our lives. Sooooo... since why not just wait like He said? You know, if we did MAYBE the answers would come sooner b/c we wouldn't mess it all up. Just trust Him, have faith in His word... Hes not going to lie to you.. after all, this God gave His son for us, how many people do YOU know that would do that?? There is nothing that is impossible for God, there is nothing that is too big for him... so whatever it is, don't wait til you can't handle it anymore, make Him the first one you call on.

Proverbs 3:5-6 - Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him,and he will make your paths straight.

If there is anything that you are holding on to.. maybe its time to just let it go and give it to the one who can handle it.

I hope you all have a wonderful Monday! I love you all!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSc0JRpomR4&feature=related

Forgive

It was kind of a rough weekend. Sometimes it takes all I have in me to deal with my ex husband and my daughter's father. They call and want to talk to the kids, they want to come by and pick them up and I feel like they think that is all there is too it. Sometimes we get along great, other times, my mouth starts to rattle off, which gets them started and then its a big ole mess. It took me a really long time to get the things that happened to me out of my system, sometimes I think I still have a little anamosity there. But in order to truly be free of those feelings, there has to be some sort of forgiveness that needs to take place. Now I have forgiven, well I thought I had anyway. Thats what I tell myself, but I am guessing that if I keep getting upset or bringing things up, it's not really forgiving.

2 Corinthians 2: 5 - 11 - If anyone has caused grief, he has not so much grieved me as he has grieved all of you, to some extent—not to put it too severely. The punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient for him. Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him. The reason I wrote you was to see if you would stand the test and be obedient in everything. If you forgive anyone, I also forgive him. And what I have forgiven—if there was anything to forgive—I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes.

I think this is more for me today than it is anyone else. Satan is alive and well and we don't really give him enough credit. Credit in that he is strong and as much as we think that we can deal w/ anything, he is sitting back laughing b/c he knows how to get to us. The anger, resentment and maybe even hate that we feel for a friend who did us wrong, a child who didn't do what we thought they needed to do, an ex who left us or even ourselves.. I am good about getting mad at myself for making mistakes. It all has to go away. I think that God doesn't necessarily want us to forget what has happened because I think we grow stronger through the things we go through but we need to forgive just as He forgives us. And I mean really forgive, not to bring it up again.

We are never going to be the best of buddies, but in order for my family to have some kind of order and peace, we definately have to get along and not egg each other on. That's what I am going to work on.


Matthew 6:15 - But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

I love you all!!!

I got an e-mail from a friend yesterday. She just wanted to talk, vent a little. Anyway, in the e-mail she started to tell me a little about what had been going on. Kinda made my stuff not so bad ya know. Well, anyway, it got me to thinking some. There are people struggling, with some serious needs and we are missing it because we are so wrapped up in our own worlds. I think we need to start looking out for each other more. Our economy is awful right now and everyone is in some way suffering because of it; married, single, divorced, all of us. And as big as our problems are, there are people doing worse than us. Maybe you can't fix what is wrong, maybe all it takes is just a listening ear. Maybe it actually means you have to leave your little world and go places that you normally would not go. Literally. When we decide to do those things though, we need to make sure its not just so we can go and say "guess what I did".

Matthew 6: 1-4 Be careful not to do your 'acts of righteousness' before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven. "So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

God wants us to help each other in any way possible. Now, I say this part and I probably have to be really careful.. but this is just me. I know that there are so many people in other countries doing without, dying everyday because of lack of food, water, no education, etc. But I also think that before we send all our money to other countries, we need to help the ones that are right in our own town, right here in Albany, GA (or where ever you are). I would contend that there are people who you work with, live by or even go to church with (yes church) that are struggling. And not all of these people are struggling because they are lazy.. things just happen. We have no right to judge anyone. But God said

"If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth." 1 John 3:17-18

I'm not saying just go out and start giving away money or things (or maybe you should), but I am saying just be aware of what is going on and step out of your box a little to help someone else. People are struggling all over right now in different ways. Alot of them are not going to come up to you and say, " HEY I NEED HELP", I guess that's a pride thing. So its up to us to go to them. Don't even think that what you do wouldn't be enough for someone. You never know how a kind word or a hug makes a day better.

I love you all, God willing , we'll talk tomorrow!!

Its my obligation

I cried when I watched the Democratic National Convention. Literally cried. For the first time in US history, like him or not, we have our first African American person running for the highest office in the land.. President of the United States of America. I don't know that (well I know that not everyone) understands that feeling, but it was the proudest I have been in a long time. So I made it a point of finding out all kinds of information on this man. Internet, magazines, books, you name it, I was looking for is (as many other were). Lets see... he was born August 4, 1961; he's bi-racial; raised in Hawaii; father left his family when he was young; he went to Harvard and he's a lawyer; his middle name is Hussein but he's no relation to Saddam; married to Michelle and has two daughters; he's a member of the United Church of Christ and just because his mom gave him a strange name does not make him Muslim. I can't wait until November because win or lose, this election is going to be really interesting.

Yep, I spent alot of time finding out information on him, making sure he was the one I was going to or not going to vote for. I have even had some "discussion" w/ co-workers and friends defending him, some of them even got a little heated for lack of a better term. I was doing my best to defend him, make sure that no one drags his name through the mud.

Then I started thinking the other day driving to work (since I had JUST had an early morning conversation about him) .. Man, wonder if people have knock out, drag out about God? I mean I'll be honest, I am not on the internet finding out new things about God everyday, guess I figure I know it all. And lets face it, there is the separation of church and state thing so I sure don't want to step on any toes. So I choose to only mention God IF someone asks me or says something, wouldn't want anyone tho think I was a Jesus freak but I can spread the news about Obama every second of the day if it means getting votes. Something seems really wrong about that. Hmmm....

I Corinthians 9: 16 - For if I preach the gospel, I have nothing to boast about, for this obligation has been entrusted to me. How terrible it would be for me if I didn't preach the gospel!"

Got that answer huh.... it is my OBLIGATION to preach the gospel.. obligation. There are so many people who still don't know Jesus, don't know that he died for them, who don't know that He's waiting on them in heaven. It's up to us to tell them. There should be no hesitation, no embarrassment about it. It should be a proud moment when we talk about our heavenly Father and His Son.

I pray that today we find at least one person that we can talk to about God. Until tomorrow.. love you.

I'm thankful for:

Tuesday, August 5, 1997.

I am thankful for:

Seeing another day
Good health
Food, shelter, and clothing
A good husband
Spending time w/ Brianna
Tuesday Bible class - " How to study the Bible"
Solitude for two
No problems


That's what my mom wrote in her journal exactly one year before she died. She had a few journals. My brother took most of them but I did manage to hide one for myself. I like reading her journals. She was one of the reason I started writing in my own. The thing that really sticks out to me about her journal is that on the very first line of EVERY day, it says "seeing another day" She was thanking God for giving her another day.

That's how we should be, excited that we are seeing another day. the best day of our lives. And I say this knowing that I am not a morning person, ask anyone I work with. I have to have like 2 to 3 cups of coffee before I feel like I can function. But I should be thanking God as soon as I wake up for giving me the best day of my life. Nothing should pass us by today, we should noticed everything. The sun rise (if you're up), the wind blowing, the birds singing, kids laughing, cooking dinner for our families, everything. Give God all the praise. And when you say your prayers at night, thank Him for it all and if you wake up, thank Him for the best day of your life.. again.

Have a blessed Monday morning!!

Randomness

Yesterday I had a panic attack. I don't have those alot, it's actually been a long time, but I can normally tell when it is about to happen and yesterday was no different. I love my job, Lord knows I do, but we have been extremely busy these last few months and normally that doesn't bother me. But I guess just pressures outside of work followed me to work and when I saw my desk and office w/ all the "stuff" in it, while i was making a school specifications and realized that the pages were not printing right after I had already printed 20 of them, mind you this was a school job, ... well it just overwhelmed me a little and I pretty much lost it. It was right around lunch time and I was suppose to go to lunch w/ one of the Architects to a conference here in town. I wasn't too sure I needed to go.. I mean I had tons to do, and I really wasn't feeling good at all, but it was after all the "Refresh" Conference.. how could I not go, Lord knows I needed refreshing and I am so glad did.

He talked about refreshing your commitment to the Lord.

Joshua 25: 15 - ....... " As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord."

For a really long time, I did make and have made alot of excuses for the choices I made. And it was funny that somehow I always got the people around me to agree with me and basically put up with whatever I was doing. And life was good. But about a year or so ago, it began to bother me and even I couldn't tolerate the choices and no matter how much I did them, it started to get to me. Guess I was growing up some huh? Not to mention, I didn't want my children seeing me act a certain way and think it was okay. God was working and let me tell you I could definitely feel it, no question about it. So it was time to refresh that commitment I made a really long time ago when I got baptized.

As he said yesterday, we have to make a commitment that we are going to serve God. We need to take control of our homes, our children and make it God the priority, no questions asked.

I apologize for the jumbledness ( is that a word) of this, but that's pretty much how it was in my head and how it came out on here. I hope you all have a wonderful day!!!