Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Emotional rollercoasters, softabll games, sitting in the rain and me... not necessarily in that order

I have to praise God in the good and bad, even though I don't want to at times. Just being honest. Sometimes I wanna sulk in my own self pity, sighing and moping around like nobodies business and dare anyone try to be positive. Leave me and let me do me. Or something like that anyway, but God.. Oh God.. He does ntop think like me and has this thing about letting me be and do ME... He's not very fond of it and tends to wanna step in at what I feel sometimes are the most awful moments to get me back in line. I kick and scream to do it my way, but alas, I have to give in. He wins (ALWAYS in case you were wondering) and I do it His way. Funny thing is, it works.

Last night I was a total and awful ass to my boyfriend. He didn't do a thing although I bet he was racking his brain trying to figure out what he had done. Spazz is my middle name among a million others. See, I was just having a day I guess and of course yo can't take it out on just anyone, it's gotta be someone close to you, someone who will take it cause they know you have issues every once in a while. But it's not really fair to him or me. I'm sorry.. that's all I can say. He will probably never read this blog cause I don't think he even knows I still write but I will call him in a minute and tell him what a jerk I was and apologize and pray he accepts it. Sigh......

It rained this past weekend and OH MY it was wonderful. Even though I have a hard time understand what God has in mind for my life, I KNOW that He gave me that rain to calm my nerves and to make me realize that He is still there for me. Rain is ALWAYS my sign from God and I can sit outside.. listen... and just hear Him. Sometimes I wished it rained everyday....

Our first softball game is today.. Albany High School that is. My daughter's 2nd year in high school and 2nd yer on the varsity team. She is excited and I am excited for her. We fuss alot and I chalk that up to her being a teenager and me getting old, but I love her and want the best for her no matter what. I probably need to show her that more and do a better job at it. I slack in that area and I need to be praying more about it.

My friend Jazzmine is back live n the radio. 98.1 to be exact, right after Steve Harvey and that makes me smile cause if i am in a mood, I can text her and she will play my song and make me smile. Love her to pieces.

Without Quanda telling me to get my crap together and quit whining most days, I probably would have lost my job by now b/c of depression. I suffer from that ya know... well maybe you didn't. I don't take medicine for it anymore, even though I should. I would imagine it would help me get through MORE days w/o my temper tantrums. Eh.... I just keep praying and e-mailing her daily, hope she don't get tired of me!

I am a blessed woman and I know that. I have wonderful, smart, funny cute kids who put up w/ a crazed mommy sometimes, I have a handful of friends that wouldn't judge me no matter what craziness I did but would step to me and tell me to correct it in a heartbeat, I have a wonderful, sweet, intelligent man who loves me even when I put him through my mood swings but most of all and probably, nope, it IS the best things of all is that I have a God who is more committed to me. loves me more than I could ever imagine and who will stick by me even in my roughest moments and be ready to give me His hand to hold as I keep plugging along. There is nothing else I need.

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