The very first time I wrote anything that I let people read, I sent this:
Hebrews 3:13 - "But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness".
Last night at my life group, I definitely felt this. I am not really one that likes to ask anyone for anything, no matter what it is. Well last night, we talked about prayer, when we pray, how much we pray, that type of thing. I would say everyone pretty much agrees ( I think) that we tend to pray alot when we want something. once we get it, or things are gong good, we tend to forget who it was we were praying to in the first place to get it, like we actually did some thing on our own. So as everyone was talking, I do what I normally do... think. Sometimes too much I think, but it can't be helped. I debate alot on if sometimes I should even open my mouth, because one, I really don't think people are going to understand where I am coming from, two, they are gonna think I just want attention, and three and probably most important, I am not sure I wanna tell people a whole lot of what goes on in my head.
But I opened my mouth and as soon as I did, tears swelled up and I thought right then, I really should have not opened my mouth but its too late now. This is what I said ( and what I meant)..
I have a really hard time praying. I have prayed all of my life and although it says Pray without ceasing, and the prayers of a righteous man is powerful and effective, it seemed to me that no matter what I did, the prayers didn't work out like I thought they should. And honestly, it upset me more to ask and get disappointed in not getting an answer.
Now please don't think I am ignorant, because I'm not.. I realize that God has His own plan, I realize that everything happens in time and I know that I am more blessed (materially) than alot of people. But see, it is just more than that for me. I have never been a person who thinks that "things" make me, but I wonder often why my life seems to be one big test, day after day. I watch other people and I know we all have problems, some more than others, some bigger than others.... but in my head, I just keep asking, " have I not learned enough yet".... I guess I am just glad God doesn't slap me silly or strike me dead....
So after I opened my mouth, it was pretty quiet for a second and I thought GREAT, they probably think I am a freakin loon. I mean who at a church function says they really don't pray... only me... sigh... Let me say now, if I have never said it before, I really do have a great church family. They love me regardless. We may not always agree but I know they love me and my family and last night as we all prayed in our circle holding hands I heard the encouragement, saw the encouragement and I sure felt the encouragement. I have no idea what God has in mind for me, I really don't. I know that I mess up, alot, but for some reason, I am still here and He put those people in my life for a reason and I am grateful. I love them all!
Words of encouragement, you just don't know how much you can make a bad day good by a few small words.
Have a great day everyone and I love you bunches!!!