Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Hard lessons....

Never would I ever claim to be the perfect mother. I have said and done things that I really am not proud of and probably had God wondering if He had made a mistake with me. But through all of that, I really do try hard to help my children understand the world and some of its good and not so good ways. My daughter will be 16 this week and for all intents and purposes, thinks I am probably the craziest woman on earth. I don't think she thinks I have a clue as to how the world operates and that's okay cause at 16, I thought the same thing about my mom and dad. So our relationship in any given day could be a little shaky for lack of a better term.

The one thing she is good at, or THINKS she is good at is playing both sides of a fence when she wants her way. Now,. let me say, I am ALL for sticking up for my kids when they are wronged, but I will bust some butt when they mess up. In come basketball practice yesterday....sighhhhh

Now Bri and her friends think they run the school and can do what they want. I have told her since her first day of high school, " BE CAREFUL" who you call friends, don't tell everyone your business, keep things to yourself and if you have issues, come to me, no matter what and not anyone else. Personally, I HATE my children learning the hard way, I wish they would listen, EH.. but I guess, well I know, Giod knows best.

I picked her and a friend up from practice and all I heard was " we cant play tomorrow cause SHE (that's the coach) said we didn't work hard enough and blah blah blah. Now this lady and I are not friends and that's okay. She stays away from me and I do her but in case our paths do happen to cross we are civil. See, not everyone is meant to be your friend.... But the things that got me, the thing that made me almost wreck on Slappey was what she said the coach's comment was that she over heard..." Brianna's problem is that her mom spoils her and gives her what she wants all the time." Ergo my mad u-turn on Slappey. It was time for me to deal with her and time For Brianna to learn a hard lesson.

Now I had heard this comment (plus alot more actually) all freshman year and this year too (from alot of people actually) so I had no doubt with the looks I had gotten and a few comments that they were true. I went in, mad, and actually I think they already knew before I open my mouth because the first thing I heard was "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO bring her in here, why would we jeopardize our jobs" But I knew, and didn't go in there expecting them to tell me the truth, just to let them know that I knew and that if they needed to ask me anything, to please do. Brianna came in and I simply asked " did she say blah blah blah.... Brianna said yes and they all said no. Now, let me say this and I seriously mean this .. I believe Brianna heard just what she said she heard. Did she tell all of it and how she didn't practice to full potential, no, did she tell me that she had been going to this same coach when she was getting in trouble in class and a few other issues and having HER deal w/ them instead of me, no. Did her friends, who had heard the same comments, who had told me time and time again the same stuff Brianna had come in when she ASKED them to come in and back her up....sadly. no. So they went on and on about what Brianna was doing and how she was acting and sop forth. All of which is news to me because honestly, these women have no people skills and if my child had slapped a teacher, they wouldn't tell me, but try to deal with it so ttheir "team" would not be jeopradized.

So for 30 minutes, I stood there and wait and prayed in my head " Brianna just say it, tell them to their face, stand up for yourself, never let anyone call you a liar and you aren't... just say it. Don't back down when you are right", which is something I have told all my children. She never said a word. She was scared, I knew it, but a lesson she was learning. As we went to leave, I told Brianna in front of the coaches "that this is their team, they can run it how they chose but I will not let you quit because they made you mad. You will finish out the year and next year, if you decide not to play, so be it."

Feeling myself about to cry from frustration and just the fact that I REALLY wanted to beat the crap out of that coach cause she WAS lying, I composed myself long enough to say " thank you for your time" and walked off.

After taking one of Brianna's "friends" home,. she pretty much lost it. I told her that not everyone is meant to be in your life forever and that as hard as it was for me to see her upset, that sometimes the lessons we learn in life have to be hard ones. That maybe it was time for her to reevaluate some of the people and things in her life that she thought were "good"..

Proverbs 18:24 - A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

I could tell by the look on her face she was hurt, not so much by the coach (which I knew she wouldn't ) admitting to what she said, but that her friends, her BEST friends stood back on the sidelines, trying to hear what they could but never, coming to her defense.

Romans 12:1-2 from the Message "So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you."

To put it in MY terms and I really hope this doesn't offend, but God doesn't give a rip about the people you hang out with, if it's not going to please and bring joy to Him. Choosing friends who will influence you in a positive way, ones who stand up for what is right, even if they are the only ones, ones who believe in God and His promises, those are the people we need to be around. Not everyone means us good, ya know. Some people, well they live their lives looking for ways to make us as miserable as they are. It is up to us to pray and stand firm in our beliefs. There are SO many verses in the Bible about being "equally yoked" with people.. 2 Corinthians 6:14, Philippians 3:2, Romans 16:17... and it is up to us to continuously pray to God to help us be around and stay with people who are going to promote our spiritual growth.

Ohhh there is so much more I want to say, REALLY want to say, but I know that sometimes, God wants us to keep our mouths closed.

I told Brianna that there was one thing that coach said that she was correct on..." Ain't nothing but the devil" and she was very right.. Satan is going to find ways, look at our weaknesses (because he knows them) and go on the fact that we think we can "handle him" alone. He will pit us against and at each other in every way imaginable to try to hinder our way into heaven.. only way to stop him is to "pray without ceasing", never giving up and to know that we can't do it alone, we needs God the whole way.

I hate that it was hard for Brianna, I really do. I mean after I dropped her off I cried all the way back to work. But I know God will make her a better person after this, she'll remember and she will continue to learn and grow. That's my prayer anyway....

And just so you all know, as mad as I was, I did hold it together long enough to let Brianna know that no matter how mad she or I was at any of them, being angry was not the answer either. Not everyone will think like we do but God said " anyone who is angry at his brother is liable to judgment".

Ughhhhh so much in my head but I digress. I pray that you all have a nice day, peaceful day. We actually have a game tonight... so pray for Bri AND me.... I'm thinking its gonna be a bumpy ride here on out! : )

Until next time, Lord willing....


  1. Girl, I still have to learn the lessons that you are teaching your daughter. I am a people pleaser by definition. I have the worst time letting people down, even if they mean absolutely nothing to me. I am 31 years old and just realizing that I have to please the Lord because He is the one that really matters and these people of the world don't care about my soul.

    I pray your daughter realizes this so much sooner than I did. I pray you have peace through this teaching experience as well as patients and love. Be blessed my Sister!