I don't make resolutions anymore, I never stick to them anyway. But I told myself that this year, I have some goals I want to attain. I want to pray more, study more and become even closer to God. I woke up Monday morning and KNEW it was going to be a good day, after all the weekend had been really great. It was a brand new year, I wanted a positive attitude going into work, and I was not going to let the stresses of the everyday world steal any amount of joy I had. Then, I stepped out the door.....
By the time I got to work, my mind was actually racing. Moving alot faster than I actually was and when that happens, I tend to physically slow down. I was typing a contract and literally had to stop and figure out to DO the contract. I do them all the time folks, should be able to do them in my sleep, so this should not have been hard. I started praying quick! I honestly had no clue what was going on, could be a panic attack, anything but it was not good. Then I got a text message from Paige and basically it just said to not let stress rule me, take things one day at a time and calm down. Now, I had not talked to Paige in maybe a week, so she had no clue that I was feeling like I was about to lose it so I text her back and said thank you and you must be reading my mind. She said she just knew (we are alot alike).
As the day went on, things started happening that started to let me know that Satan was trying to get to me. I started having all kinds of thoughts about situations, so much so that my stomach started to hurt. My head was still spinning and I really thought I was going to have to go home.
Then, with the help of another friend, I finally figured something out. See, alot of my problem is that I take past relationships and situations and think" well if it happened then, it HAS to happen now" and I get all upset. So I changed up my prayer then... I started praying that God give me a sense of calm and one of discernment. I wanted to make sure that my thoughts and feelings were really coming from the Holy Spirit or just Satan using my own fears and doubts against me.
We need to be like Jesus in Matthew 26:39 "yet not as I will, but as YOU will.."
So my prayer (and if you would, just throw a prayer in for me too) is that I start to use what God has given me. I want to be able to ask the Holy Spirit to lead and guide me with discernment so that I know what I ought to be doing!
I pray that the new year so far has been wonderful for you all. Lord willing,we will talk again soon.. STAY WARM!!!!