For the past few weeks, maybe even months, I have been in some kind of slump. In every aspect of my life actually and I couldn't figure it out. I tried to change things up, do something different but always ended up in the same place..... depressed, mad, sad, confused and just wondering what was next. I got complacent, I got cocky, I was comfortable in my little end of the world and that was all I needed. I wrote, but not really taking my own advice. I use to sit outside and talk to God. Wait for Him to send me answers and He did. I know you don't believe me, but I am really serious. I cannot think of one time when I haven't talked to God out there that I haven't gotten an answer, whether it was my way OR His way, good or not so good as far as I was concerned anyway. I haven't been out there in a while. Months actually and I finally figured out why.... because what I know to be true, what will happen is I will get the answer. Funny thing is.. I think I already might know it and maybe it scares me to get it.. you know the FINAL answer.
There is no doubt in my mind that God hears me when I talk to Him and listens, I mean really listens. I'm the one that is messed up.. wanting to doubt, come up with excuses or alternate answers that MAY work in my favor. NOPE, that is not gonna work and yep, I know this already.
There are alot of funny things (maybe not so funny to you) in life to me. How friends turn into acquaintances, you know, those "seasonal people". How what you THINK is something that is SO good, turns out to be "another learning experience". How what you have been so use to doing turns into " can't do thing like that anymore." Yep, I actually think about those things, alot. My mind is always racing with something. I have been told I am not the easiest person to talk to. I guess I see that. I mean, I just like to say what I think and what I feel and don't necessarily expect you to agree or even like it but respect it for what it is. I think I actually demand that. But I am me.
I was on FIRE for a while there. Words flowed, the thoughts were on point and it all made sense, but like I said, the cockiness set in and God said " Ahhhhhh maybe you have forgotten who is doing all of this, it SURE isn't YOU." And so I sat, trying to figure it out.... I still am but I think maybe it's all starting to make sense.
I read something not long ago and it said " when you start a mission and you have the right mission but realize you have the wrong method, STOP. BUT when you have called something to a halt because of a false start, don't quit. GO back to the source, to God and get the right strategy and then with the proper training.... finish the mission."
I basically quit and stopped, probably with no intentions of starting again, trying to fix what is wrong. Always lessons to be learned I guess. So, I will be back on that patio soon, talking, figuring things out and seeing what answers are sent to me. And no matter what, as hard as it may be... I'll listen and it will be okay.