Pam, Paige, Jazzmine, Tomecca and George.....

just wanted to give you all a gift.... check out the "Honest Scrap" blog...



Be blessed!!!!!!

Honest Scrap and a few other thoughts

When I first started writing, or blogging as it has so been named,I only did it for a few select friends. I mean after all, I didn't really want any and everyone knowing things about me. And not really thinking, when I started this page, little did I know that people might actually stumble on my page and actually follow me. Well, that's what has happened and it's been good. I mean it's really weird to have people you do not know at all, make comments, send words of encouragement and tell you they are praying for you. I have make some great "friends" on here. One would be Christine (http://thesilverlining122.blogspot.com/) who has given me an award, that was also given to her. The award called the Honest Scrap Award.




And from what Christine researched the award goes to bloggers who write posts that come from the heart and soul.I really appreciate it Christine.. all I really wanted and want to do is let people know that not matter how bad things seem, it will get better if you trust in the one who is always there for you... God. I actually started this blog to help MYSELF remember that on a daily basis.


THEN, she said I had to tell you all 5 things about myself that you might or might not know and then pass this award on to 5 other people. So I will do my best:


1. I am a single, divorced mommy (of three kids) and I got my Bachelor's Degree in Management at age 35 while working full time. So if I can do it, I know you can too if you already haven't!!

2. I actually have a brother (which most of you know) but also a sister who is 50 yrs old. SURPRISE!

3. I like sitting outside on my patio, wrapped in a blanket,with my laptop and a cup of wine or coffee (whatever the weather allows)

4. Disney World is my most favorite place on earth.. I wish I lived in the Magic Kingdom.

5. God is the reason I am here today, because I really think given how I lived the early part of my life, I should not be here. He has a plan for me. I have NO clue what it is still, but I pray. I ask and I know that He is prepping me for things that are so great that will make my head spin. I pray that He doesn't give up on me even when I mess up or give up on myself.


and so I pass this great award on the 5 deserving bloggers (in no particular order):

http://missreaddiva.blogspot.com/ (Pam)

http://thepeacegirlplace.blogspot.com/ (Paige)

http://fabfunkydivasdesigns.blogspot.com/ (Jazz)

http://twilliams952.blogspot.com/ (Tomecca)

http://thetrirunner.blogspot.com/ (George)


I pray you all had a wonderful Christmas, realizing it's not about the gifts you got, or even the gifts you gave, but about our Savior. New Years is fast approaching and everyone is making resolutions and promises to lose weight and save money. But let's just all remember, we are not all going to be rich or skinny, things are not always going to go our way, but every single day, every minute is a blessing from God so act like it.. myself included!!!

Love you all and until next time.... peace and blessings!!!

Today is my kids last day of school until after the first of the year. Brianna (my oldest), took her 9 weeks finals this past week. Now my daughter is an all around student. She's in the Honor's program at her high school, she is taking 4 AP classes this semester, she plays basketball, softball, throws the disc in track and plays golf (yeah, golf). All on the Varsity teams. She really is smart and pretty well rounded. BUT she is a teenager and what use to come to her naturally, she actually has to work at now. She HATES that, especially when it comes to her classes. She is a last minute type girl, never early so going in to the last week of the semester, her grades, although passing all of her classes, had some really low B's in some of them. Actually close to C's which does not work in the Honor's Program.

So me being the mom I am, fussed left and right for 2 weeks prior to these exams. I mean my thing is if you start out strong it won't be such a hassle at the end. But Bri, naw, she is like " I got this momma". So thanks to technology, I can log into all of her classes and see what she makes on grades, if she misses a class, if she gets in trouble, etc. Yesterday, end of the day, she is sitting in my office and I log in while she is here. Low and behold, she has passed and pulled all her grades up. She has this big smile and I look like "uh huh" . If she had only done this from the beginning.........

"When the clouds are full of water, it rains. When the wind blows down a tree, it lies where it falls. Don't sit there watching the wind. Do your own work. Don't stare at the clouds. Get on with your life.: Ecclesiastes 11:4 (Message) According to this passage, it seems really clear.... don't keep putting things off until the last minute, you may never get anything done. How many times have we all said, just wait until the first of the year, I will start my diet? Or just wait until I have more money, I am going to....Or wait until I do this or that and I can get that done, or in my daughter's case, I will wait until the last minute and it will all come together. Luckily for her (and her butt) it did. But that may not always be.

There is no time like the present to start doing those things God wants us to do. Especially with the holidays coming up. Do you realize that there are so many people who are doing without today? Don't know where the next meal will come from, or if they will have a warm coat for the winter? A place to live? A job? It is our job as Christians to seek these people out and help them in any way we can. Nothing is to big or small. There is alot of work to be done in order for us to be a blessing in someones life. Let's get to it!!

Today is my Friday and I am off next week . YAYYY for vacation. I pray that each one of you have a really good holiday next week. If I don't talk to you before have a Very Merry Christmas and I love you all!! "Be blessed and be a blessing"!!!

I never really like watching the news. Too much negativity and bad news but this morning, I woke up and flipped to WALB so I could "listen" as I got ready. They started talking about a story in Florida. A man had gone into a school board meeting, upset because his wife had gotten fired. He pulled a gun out and ordered all the women and children out of the room, leaving the mail board members and him. There was a camera in this room so it taped the entire thing which they showed on the news. One of the board members, a woman, sneaks back in, gunman not knowing, and tries, to no avail, to hit the gun out of the gunman hands as his back is to her. He knocks her down to the floor. Then he stands in front of the board members and you can hear the Superintendent begging the man to please keep only him and let everyone else go. The man says no and point blank fires on the Superintendent. It looks like he hits him dead on because he falls to the floor. Then a security person fires on the gunman and shoots him in the leg it seems before the gunman took his own life they said.

As I listened to the Superintendent, the woman board member who tried to hit the gun out of his hand and another member talk this morning I could not help but think about what God said:

"I've told you these things for a purpose: that my joy might be your joy, and your joy wholly mature. This is my command: Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends. You are my friends when you do the things I command you. I'm no longer calling you servants because servants don't understand what their master is thinking and planning. No, I've named you friends because I've let you in on everything I've heard from the Father." John 15:13 (Message)

Then the Superintendent said something that actually gave me chills and I got tears in my eyes. He said, he had a family and he did not want to leave them but he knew that if this was his time to go, he was ready because he knew he would be in heaven.

I have no doubt that God protected those Board members. The Superintendent was in point blank range when that man fired and I guess one could say that maybe he was a bad shot.. OR that God is powerful and that He actually had a shield around those people. That man was willing to die in order to let the other members, his friends live and he was prepared. I wonder how many of us could say and would do the same thing???

Remember folks, this life is not about trying to grab everything we can get in 50 to 70 years. Let's not get sidetracked by all the glitz and glamor that the world has to offer. It's not about getting the latest gadget, wearing the cutest styles, driving the best car or living in the biggest house. It's about living your life the way God wants you too, thinking about others before yourself and being ready when God calls you home. My friend Pam always says " be blessed and be a blessing" and this school board in Florida is a perfect example of that to me this morning. Thank God they are all safe!!

Love you all, have a wonderful day!!!

Khaaliq is the baby and thinks he can get away with anything he wants. It was Friday, this past Friday actually, and a good day.. then I had to pick them up from school. The boys normally wait in the lobby for me but as I walked up to the door, Khaaliq was standing outside and said " Mrs Anderson needs to see you" and all I could think was this CANNOT be good because it's Friday and I know she wants to go home. Sighhhhhh.. so I truck down the LONG hall, Khaaliq in tow who is now telling me some story about some little boy elbowing him. This is REALLY not gonna be good so I prepare myself as I walk in the class. The look on her face told it all...

Seem that Khaaliq was a tad bit hyper and wanted to walk around. SUPPOSEDLY a little boy elbowed Khaliq. Now mind you, this boy sits in the BACK of the class ad Khaaliq the front. Khaaliq decides to throw paper in the trash and then proceeds to go over to this boys desk and tell him to "get out of his space"

Khaaliq is at this little boys desk telling him to get out of HIS space.....WHY KHAALIQ WHYYYYYYY. But it gets better... he THEN tells him that if he doesn't get out of his space (the boy was to my knowledge minding his own business) he is going to punch him in the eye. Now Khaaliq INSISTS that the boy elbowed him, at what point, I have no clue but all I know is that the boys stood by his desk (ahhhh where was he gonna go Khaaliq????????) and this boy, the one who lives with me, the one i gave birth to, punched this boy in the eye. Dear God WHYYYYYYYYYYYY????

So the teacher, who was just in shock because Khaaliq is a straight A student and really never gets in trouble, is NOW gonna get suspended (they gave him one day) and she is looking at me. I couldn't speak, barely move and all I could think was " where did I last leave that belt?!?!?!"

Long story short, I thought my hand would fall off from swinging so much or he would call the police for sure. Mad does not begin to express what was going on in my head!! But for as mad as I was that very moment w/ my son, I mean what a stupid stupid decision, I didn't like what he did by any means, but I loved him just the same.

That's how it is with God. On days where we mess up,. I mean REALLY mess up and we are not the lovable beings that God created, He loves us still the same. And that love is the same kind that we should be showing for everyone around us, even the people we don't necessarily like.

My children.. God love em (and so do I) : ) I think I just needed to get this one off my chest.. have a wonderful and blessed day all and don't forget " be a blessing"!!

"Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life." - Philippians 4:6-7 (The Message)

I think that my day, every day, should start and end with this verse. Worry seems to be commonplace for me. I can be truckin along just fine, like this past weekend. It was absolutely GREAT, every minute of it. Although a bit chilly, I was able to get out in the beautiful weather, watch my daughter play basketball, run around with Tony doing some Christmas shopping and just enjoying things that God has placed in my life. And then Sunday night happened. Nothing actually happened, but I knew that once my head hit the pillow, Monday would soon be upon me. Now this may seem crazy to some of you, and that's OK, but Fri-Sun is not just a weekend for me, it's a time of peace. No work, no worries, no stresses that normal life brings. Sunday night, ahhhhh that is a beast of another character. Every issue that I have seem to all creep back in my mind on Sunday night and yesterday, I, being the person I am, added yet ANOTHER stress to my life.

I know God is up there. I mean I can't see Him, but He's there but I always have a hard time remembering that He is in control no matter what. I am a helper. That's my job as a mom ya know. I HELP my kids when they can't do things. I help at work, I help my friends... I'm a helper. So seems really natural for me that even though I pray for peace, calmness and God's help and guidance in my life, that I still "help" Him along and fix the things that need fixing in my life. Makes perfect sense to me. After all, I have said it before, time and time again.... it IS MY life, and I am perfectly capable of knowing what is best for me and my family, right?

But I guess what it boils down to is when I try to do God's job in my life, I am basically saying that HE can't handle it. That He doesn't have a clue as to what I need and what is best for me. And I do know better than that, but for folks like me, the helper, the one who can always fix stuff, the truth of the matter is ...that's a hard pill to swallow.

Praying and worrying don't mix well together. There is nothing good at all about worry. Praying is always good. Worry stresses you and everyone around you out. It can make the strongest man or woman break totally down. Praying is noting but positive, makes all the fears go away. It is what I have to remind myself of everyday. So I woke up this morning after a really "EH" night and prayed. I got to work and prayed. No need in worrying about things that I have no control over. God knows best and knows what is best in my life as well. May not be what I think I need or want, but will probably work out better in the long run anyway.

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend. It really was a nice one. A bit cold for Albany, but beautiful. Until next time, Lord willing, we will talk again. "Be blessed and be a blessing"

I use to whine alot. About what was always going wrong in my life, people getting on my nerves, why I couldn't have what I wanted when I wanted, why my ex left me, why my parents died, why my life seemed to be really jacked up.... why, why, why... why me?!?!?

Actually, every once in a while, I catch myself doing it now.

But I remember during those times, I had a few really good friends, who no matter how many times they had heard the story, they probably could repeat it word for word, they still listened to me and never once belittled me or told me to shut up. For that I am grateful. It helped me get though some really rough times.

And now, although I still don't have everything I want, and life is not perfect, I am OK, I find myself forgetting that there are other people around me that need the same help I did. I think its really easy to get caught up in things going "good" for us. We are happy and assume everyone around us is and should be happy as well. And point blank, we really don't want anyone bringing our "high" down for any reason. Who has time to listen to a bunch of issues that don't really concern you anyway right? But as the verse goes "encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness."

There are so many people around us hurting and just because you have come out of your own issues and your life is gravy now, does not give you the right to forget the ones who are not as fortunate as you are right now. We need to listen, encourage and pray daily for those people and if it means that you have to give up a day or two or your life, so be it. I honestly don't see how we can grow as a family, if one of the members is hurting? Remember, "be blessed and BE A BLESSING!!!"

It snowed yesterday... well, a few flurries, but snow just the same : ) Hope you all have a wonderful day and remember, keep praying!!!

Yesterday Elizabeth Edwards passed away from her 6 year battle with cancer. I am not a real political person, but I would imagine that everyone knows who this lady is. When her husband was running for President, she found out that she (1) had cancer and (2) he was having an affair and somehow the affair got way more attention (even now in her death) than her battle w/ that disease.

Every time I saw her on TV, she was ALWAYS positive and upbeat about her home life and her battle with cancer and she didn't let either of those things stop her from campaigning for the things she believed in, even up until this past weekend where I heard that she was calling friends and sending out e-mails because she knew her days were coming to an end. In my book, from what I could see, a real class act, someone that I have not heard anything negative about.

I don't know if Elizabeth Edwards was a Christian, if she had some kind of faith she believed in or even if she believed in God at all. I DO know that through all the things she went through, all the interviews and questions that were thrown at her, she was always composed, never negative or hateful and seemed to be very positive and to me.... that can be nothing but God.

It's really hard to imagine our loving and compassionate God letting or allowing things like what happened to Mrs. Edwards to happen, or to any of us for that matter. When they do, God knows that our emotions are all over the place and we tend to start doubting. I think that's ok. We are not promised a life full of good, good , good all the time. As a matter of fact, there are several verses that say we WILL go through trials and troubles and that as sure as we are born, we WILL die. A hard pill to swallow sometimes when you see so much evil in the world and people "seemingly" getting away with everything. But the thing to remember during all of those hard times is this.... whenever we go through hard times, things we think we will never get past, do not cut off the one person who will not put us down, who will always be there no matter how low we get... God. And the other thing I do know is that even through the death of a lady who really seem to have a faith that I wish I had more of, God is gonna work like He always does.

Keep praying folks. For the Edwards family because those two little kids just lost their mommy at Christmas, for John Edwards... maybe he'll get some stuff straight, for the people who don't have it as good as we do right now. I read that there are over 700,000 homeless people in the US right now, this winter! Pray for each other. Sometimes, you just can't pray for yourself anymore ..we all get tired, but when you have others that have your back... well, you know. Just keep praying!!

Love you all and as always.. "be blessed and be a blessing". Until next time, Lord willing....

I recently read somewhere that " if Christians only trusted in God more, that all their stress would go away".

A rocket scientist I am not, but I am a human being, a mom, a sister, a friend, a co-worker and a Christian and I believe that God is sovereign over all, and in control even when we seem to think we have it all handled. I don't however think that just because we believe, means that the stress automatically goes away. We ARE human and whether we like to hear it or not, our humanity can be easily cracked and get very weak. And a BIGGER surprise to some of you, God is fully aware of this but it will not stop things from happening or issues from coming up. He knows also that we will probably not handle most of them well, because it IS US trying to handle them.

I so think though that the stress we have, some brought on by our own hands, is a way of reconnecting with God. In the past few months, I haven't written much, not talked to alot of people, and pretty much been to myself because of stress. Some by my hands, some not. And to be honest, I have been trying to figure it all out. See, I know that God is Jehovah Elohim, the Eternal Creator, I know that He is Jehovah Jireh, our Provider, He is Jehovah Shalom, Lord of Peace and Jehovah Eloheenu, the Lord our God. He is Jehovah and Elyon, Sovereign and Most High and even knowing all of that, I still have a really hard time letting go and saying I can't do it.

Matthew 11:28-30 (The Message) "Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

My fears of loneliness, the stress of life, my own sins that seem to resurface even after years and years, being terrified and not able to provide for my family like I need to make me paranoid, afraid and basically a prisoner in my own body. I have seriously been wrestling with if the places I am today are really where I need to be. I am not a big fan of change of any kind, makes me nervous and in order to avoid that, maybe that meant me making some moves. I told a friend today that its really sad when you KNOW better and still don't do it. Wait til stuff is so bad to just get down and pray. Makes you wonder if He's even listening to anything you have to say anyway.

A mother, a sister, a friend, a co-worker, but before all of this I am a Christian and if my fears paralyze me enough to stop me in my own tracks, what am I showing to my kids, friends and co-workers? That I can talk really good games....but when it all boils down, if I can't do it myself, then it's not worth doing?

I think I have spent the past few months trying to come up with the perfect answer. You know, the Bible one that sounds really good and makes us seem really smart. Like we did it ourselves. But after racking my brain over and over, all I got is

"And the peace of God which passes all understanding shall keep you hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

Yep, biblical, I don't get any kudos for being extra smart. When we are really praying and asking God to help us because we are at our breaking point, whether we asked from the very beginning or we waiting until we couldn't take it anymore. When we are truly sincere about our prayers and the things we are asking for, then God gives us a peace that will keep us jumping off that ledge or reaching that point of no return for some. He is going to make happen what we thought would be impossible or couldn't be done, IF it's in His plan (that's the part that trips me up all the time). And when we truly case those burdens and worries, the stresses of life on Him, that is when He will do what He promised and take those burdens on Himself and gives us some rest.

I really do hope that all of you have been good. Keep praying for each other, even the ones in this e-mail you might not know. And as always " Be blessed and be a blessing"

It is almost time for one of what has become my all times favorite times of the year... high school basketball. Starting in October, the balls come put, the court is shined and tryouts start again for my daughter. She is equally as excited. She has actually joined the cross country team to work out with them so she can condition for the upcoming season. And of course, this means that me, as one of the Booster Club officers and team mom, get to start running around again. But honestly, I really do love it and as tired as I know I will be, it makes me happy to be a part of this time in my child's life.

But as I start into another season, I have to make sure that things don't "stay the same" as they always have. I said before that I felt like I lost some of the spark I had when I first started writing. I can remember going to bed reading a Beth Moore book, or going over what we would talk about in Sunday school class. I slacked off big time. And if things don't change, I will get right back into the same ole rut as I seem to have gotten in. So there has to be a conscience effort on my part and all of our parts to make sure that God is in every aspect of our lives. Not just a simple prayer in the morning or a quick " thanks" when we think about it.

I work with an architect who does her Bible study first thing in the morning, before everyone gets started with their day. She doesn't work God into her schedule if she finds some spare time, but makes Him the priority. We all need to. We can make excuses about how busy we are, how we have so much going on and that we are just tired, but maybe we need to stop and think... "what if God decided He was too busy for us? Too tired to listen and help us when we need Him." So starting today, even if it's baby steps, start giving God more of you. Make Him the #1 in your life.

I pray you all have had a good week thus far. Until next time, "be blessed and be a blessing"!!

I briefly met a young lady this weekend in Wal-Mart that works with Tony. She was one of the most pleasant people I have met in a very long time and I couldn't help but notice how truly beautiful she was... her physical appearance AND her attitude.

I thought last night about all the trouble we go through as women to become beautiful. We pile on makeup to hide our real faces and appearance, buy the latest fashions to keep up with everyone else, try the latest diet craze so that we can get into those perfect jeans and my all time favorite, adding a little color or changing a hair style to hide that gray hair that is sticking up in the air. And I mean, it's almost something that is expected because every commercial, magazine and newspaper are trying to sell us on changing ourselves so we will be "better".

And ultimately, none of that stuff matters. God could care less if we are 100 lbs overweight, if we have pimples as big as rocks on our face or we wear last years styles.

"I Peter 3: 3-5 - Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful."

If we are so concerned with how the outward looks, could it be that we really have issues with the inside??? Maybe instead of spending or rather wasting money on things that won't matter tomorrow, we should invest more in God. God created us in His image and He wants what's on the inside way more than what people can just see on the outside. And when the inside is glowing with God's goodness, the outside won't need all the accessories to make it beautiful.. it already will be.

It's Thursday and it has been a really, really good week. I pray it has for you too. Until next time, Lord willing, "be blessed and be a blessing".

I ripped my last pair of contacts a few days ago so now I am forced to wear my glasses until payday so I can go to my eye appointment. I really don't like my glasses at all. I mean they are pretty stylish.. Vogue..and they look alright, I guess, or so people say, but I hate that they sit on my nose. It bothers me and I find myself pushing them up constantly to sit in the perfect position on my face.

Two days ago on the news, I hear a story about a homeless man, right here in Albany who had been hit by a hit and run driver. They took him to the hospital and as they were patching him up, they found out through a cat scan that he has a massive tumor on or near his brain and if it is not removed, he will be blind for life. There is a local church who is helping him, found family member in Florida and are now trying to raise the money to help him have that surgery.

Talk about feeling like a total loser.....I did.

I've never really thought to thank God for the fact that I even had the glasses to put on after my contacts ripped. Actually for the most part, I think we think of blessings sometimes as big things we get. Those things that help us make more money, get a little more fame or attention.

I have heard people say and I have been guilty myself of not having just what we want. Things are not flowing well at work, you don't make enough money... try not having a job now and having your home repossessed. My car is not working (this one got me a slap this past week too).. try having to walk every where you go. My kids are not making all A's like I want them too... try having a child in a gang and never going to school.... My shirt is a little to tight, I really need to go to the gym.. try wearing the same clothes everyday or not even having clothes to put on....the list could go on and on.

We don't praise and thank God every moment we are here, for just giving us life. For the people I know that are reading this e-mail, we may not have everything we want, but I know for a fact, we have what we need because of God. We need to thank God every single time something goes right in our lives and still praise him when things go totally wrong. Once we learn to do this, I think we will find that our lives will start to be refocused and we won't be so consumed about what we DON'T have, but be thankful and blessed for what we do.

There was an old song we use to sing at Beattie Road when I was younger. We don't sing it much anymore, but I think it really needs to serve as a reminder to us about how we need to be praising God:

When upon life’s billows you are tempest-tossed,
When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.
Are you ever burdened with a load of care?
Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?
Count your many blessings, every doubt will fly,
And you will keep singing as the days go by.
Count your blessings, name them one by one,
Count your blessings, see what God hath done!

Please be praying for the gentleman who will be having that surgery soon. I love you all, have a wonderful Wednesday and as always "be blessed and be a blessing"!!!

Of all the things I have learned in my life, the one most important thing is that " It's not all about me". But everywhere you turn, the world tries to teach you the opposite. Grab everything you can before someone takes it from you, look out for #1. I actually think this is one of the hardest things I am having to teach my children. Sharing and making sure someone else has before you do seems to be really hard for them and I would imagine it's probably because they see us trying to grab all the gusto we can.

So many people view the world only from their little square box. You can start a conversation about things going on with you and it always seems to turn back to them. It's kinds of irritating huh? And at that point, I normally tune them out.... then I wonder though.. how many times have I been guilty of the exact same thing.

Philippians 2:1-4 (The Message) - "If you've gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care— then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don't push your way to the front; don't sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand."

So the next time someone comes to you, maybe they just want to talk and it could be about nothing. Just let them. Don't make it about you and how you would, could and did do something.

I pray you are all having a wonderful week. Things may not be the way you want them, it may be a long week already, but God has given you another day. Use it for something positive. I love you all and as always as my friend Pam says " be blessed and be a blessing" for someone today!!

I honestly have been in a state of dysfunction for a long time. I could not tell you up from down if you asked, nothing is really going right or has been for a while, my brain has been in slow motion for months and if anything is going to go wrong, it's going to go wrong with me. I have had people tell me over and over (and it's not like I don't know this already) that things are "going to be okay", " it'll all work out", "God puts no more on us that we can handle". And each time, I have this look on my face :I ... meaning, yeah yeah, I know all of this, but that doesn't help my situation, I still feel like crap.

And just when you think your back is about to literally break, that you can't take anymore of this thing they call life, something happens that makes you realize that no matter how bad you THINK you have it, someone else is going through much bigger issues.

When I tell you that this weekend has been rough... whew!! And as we talked in lifegroup last night, well, all I can say is I was brought to tears and realized that I have not been the friend or Christian God wants me to be. I made a comment last night and I will share it again with you today as a reminder: "Make time to get to know people before situations get out of hand." People all the time ask " how are you" and the normal response from all of us is "fine" when in actuality, it's really not. I will take it one step farther too because I got the response that if you ask, and they say fine, what do you do then? So I contend that you don't need to ask them just one Sunday mornings or Wednesday night at church, don't ask if you bump into them at a store or see them at a ballgame. MAKE TIME during your week, pick up a phone, send an e-mail, text,whatever and just randomly check. And yeah, they may not tell you one the first go round, or second or even third, BUT if people realize that you mean them well, that they will NOT be the topic of conversation at your next group gathering or won't be picked at, they are and will be more apt to talk to you about issues that may be going on in their lives.

Greg said yesterday that relationships are HARD. And he is so right, but they get even harder if we are not encouraging each other, if we are not looking out for each other, helping and praying daily for each other. I haven't been doing that nearly as much as I should and I apologize. So, as I said last night, and I really believe this even though I admit that sometimes I am the one who says " I'm fine" and I'm really not... we have to make it a point to make time for people. People we know, but don't really know. You may actually be surprised.

Hebrews 3:13 - "But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness."

I love you all. "Be blessed and ALWAYS be a blessing!!" Until next time, Lord willing....

This weekend was crazy. It was a long weekend with the Holiday, my youngest son had his 9th Birthday party Saturday and my brother was here for the weekend. Alot going on, all weekend. By Sunday, I needed some peace, some time to recoup from everything and everyone. I went to church on Sunday, honestly, not wanting to be there. I have those moments still. You know how Satan messes with your mind and everyone and everything gets on your nerves? Well, I guess that was me. Tony went to church with me and he knew I was stressed and as I sat and listened, he held my hand as I cried to myself and thinking about how things SHOULD have been for me.

When I got home we talked some about the weekend and I realized that for the very first time in years, and I do mean YEARS that my brother and I had gotten along. Like I was the big sis and he was my baby brother. We laughed, talked about growing up, my parents (which he NEVER does) and even went to eat dinner together, no kids and just hung out. And after a weekend like the one I had, I knew that God had actually answered a prayer I have had for a really long time. And without some help from someone else, I might have missed it being selfish.

God knows and hears everything we day to him. The answers don't always come like we want them too.. fast and in a hurry, and if we are too busy in our lives, we might miss the answers He gives us. I'm really glad my brother came this weekend (although I missed seeing my nephew) and I really thank God for giving us the time He did.

I pray you all had a wonderful and safe holiday. Until next time, Lord willing....

My mom was the best cook in the world. When my brother and I were little, my dad worked and momma stayed home. We have home cooked meals every single day, breakfast, lunch and dinner. She didn't go back to work until I got in middle school, so even our lunches we took to school were home cooked. I mean all of it. I can remember waking up and smelling homemade biscuits and fresh maple syrup. When my daddy would get home, dinner was always ready and we had dinner together in the kitchen. I never really thought about the stuff my momma did around the house, I mean after all, she was a housewife and it was her "job" so to speak I guess. I think, looking back on it all.. I know I love my momma beyond the shadow of a doubt, but I think we took everything she did for us for granted.

Kinda like how we look at what God does for us sometimes. I mean He says "Ask and it shall be given unto you..." so we just assume that all we have to do is ask, and BAM, things should fall into place. God is ALL knowing.. every think about that really? There is really not a thing we ask for that He does not already know about. We don't have to ask Him to make Him know a situation, but we ask so that we learn and know the power of God. So that we don't become complacent when He works things out for us and so that we appreciate and never take God for granted.

I try to teach my kids that. They just assume alot of times that things are suppose to be handed to them, that we can fix every situation that comes up. But how will they ever learn if that happens? How will they ever know to turn to God when they have problems and not try to fix it themselves?

Matthew 7:7 - "Ask and it shall be given to you, seek and you shall find."

I hope you are all having a really good week. It's been kinda long, and I think I am about really for this long weekend we have coming up. My brother will be here Friday so please pray for a safe flight for him and hopefully I will get to see my nephews too!! Until next time, Lord willing.. "be blessed and be a blessing"

When I got pregnant the 2nd (and 3rd time), I prayed for a little girl. I already had one and I really wanted a house full of women. There was something about just dressing them up like little dolls, frilly dresses and bows that made me smile. And after all, by the time Brianna was 3, dresses were OUT for her since she liked playing in dirt and throwing balls in the front yard. God, in His infinite and great wisdom, gave me 2 perfect little boys. Today, I SCREAM out THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! I love my daughter more than words could ever tell, but we are so much alike, that we butt heads more times than a few. I pick at a friend of mine all the time because she has 3 little girls and I tell her all the time " Just wait". Something about alot of women in one place........ WHEW!!

As my daughter has gotten older, she seems to think that I don't know much about anything. She doesn't feel like she can tell me anything about what goes on in her life because I would "not understand" since she thinks I have never had a problem in my life. Well high school problem anyway. So I just try to explain and tell her that no matter what she goes through, it may not be exactly the same but I bet I have been through similar and if she wants to talk, all she has to do is ask.

As an adult, even after knowing this about my daughter, I feel the same way too. There are alot of things I keep to myself, try to fix on my own for the very same reason. No one understands so how could they help.Maybe you have thought the same thing. But even through all of your and my frustrations and problems, God knows exactly what we are going through. He sees it, hears our crys and feels it in our souls. He not only knows but he cares. I mean this is the same God who can count every hair on all of our heads. If he can care about birds flying in the skies, what they eat and drink, I know for a fact that He cares and loves the people He created. And because He cares for us, we can go to Him, give in every problem we have and leave it there. No worries, no stresses, no problems.. the End.

God loves all of His children and He does not want us stressing about anything. Pray and believe God will help us and He will.

I pray you all had a blessed weekend and have an even better week! Until next time, Lord willing

When everything seems to be going wrong around you, it is really easy to focus on that. Its' all you think about. But maybe, a key to the happiness we all want and seek is even in the bad times, thanking God for the blessings He has given us. Our lives are not always going to be easy, things are not going to go our way and there are going to be points of breakdown, but even with all of that Paul still says "Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say rejoice."

I admit, I am the world's worst when it comes to trying to remain positive when things get hard, but with constant reminders around me, I am doing better and better each day. SLOWLY, but better. God wants us to pray about things that get us down and keep us from being who we ought to be. So, that's what I continue to do and as the saying and scripture goes, season come and go, but this too shall pass.

I hope you are all having a wonderful day. And just to let you know what a wonderful day this morning turned out to be... my very best friend had her 1st baby (and my goddaughter) last night around 11:00pm ( yep Tomecca, she shares your birthday... happy belated!!!) Jessica Ann, 8 lbs, 3ozs and everyone is doing great! God is good!!

"Be blessed and be a blessing"

Dear God, Thank you for this morning. Thank you for showing me Your truths and helping me day by day to discern right from wrong. I don't always get it right. Satan makes me doubt. I use to think it was God sending me messages.. woman's intuition you know but I am starting to realize that sometimes Satan has his way of taking one situation and making it into a million little ones that cause me to doubt myself and others around me. But I know that you have given me the tools I need daily to fight and stand up. Thank you for being there to listen to me, help me, guide me and comfort me. You already know what's in store for today. The things I have to do and deal with and I pray that you be there with me every step of the way, being the Father that only You can be. Help me not to get discouraged and down. Make my heart clean and pure, life my spirits. In everything, make it not about me and my needs and wants, but about You and Your glory. In Christ name........

It was a really long week last week and all I could think was "where is Friday and can you get here sooner???" The motor died in my car, so I am on the search for something else (NOT FUN!!), softball all week long and it was hot out, kids had a million and one things due last week for school and it's just the third week and by the time Friday came, I just wanted to relax. To take out my frustrations, I decided (with a really wonderful friend of mine) to paint the boy's room over. It needed it really bad and at the time, it sounded like a good idea to her and me. Tony even volunteered to help us out and between the three of us, it turned out really good for amateurs. This weekend was going to be one of those that I was going to be distracted very easily because of all the things that had happened the week before and because of those two, well, they keep me focused, kept me laughing and smiling and basically told me to trust that God would take care of me.

If you are anything like me, change is not what I wanna do. I am comfortable in my skin, comfortable doing what I have always done and get really scared when things are done a little different. It's a hard pill to swallow sometimes, complete trust and as much as we all know God is the only way, we still try to figure things out our way. But learning to trust God means changing everything we know, everything we are use too and knowing that He has our best interest at heart. And then be able to honestly say.... "it's gonna be okay".

It rained most of the weekend and I got the chance to just sit outside some and soak it in. Hope you all got to enjoy it as well. Love you all and Lord willing, we will talk again soon. Be blessed....

I struggle with really being happy and content with me just like I am. Always trying to find ways to change things up, say and do the right things for the right people just to fit in I guess. And it's funny to me that alot of people do it and don't even realize it. How many times has someone said or done something that you don't necessarily agree with or even know is wrong and never opened your mouth? How many times have you bought new things to try to fit in with the Joneses? How many times have you compromised principles just to remain friends with people who you probably didn't need to be friends with anyway? And don't think it just happens in the "world"...happens in church just as much.

I had the best conversation last night at dinner with someone who is one of the "realest" people I know. There was no topic that was off limits and I got some real and honest answers. And you know what? Satan works hard at stealing our confidence but God loves us just the way we are, flaws and all. He created each and every one of us differently so that we could ALL bring something different to the table. And being different is not always a bad thing. We need to stop trying to impress people with our big words and flashy things and start concentrating on God and what it is He wants. We need to stop allowing people to determine our self worth (one of my struggles mind you) and start seeing ourselves as God sees us... His children.

I am a single black woman. I thank God for being able to finish school, have a job, take care of my kids, allow them to be involved in some of the things they like. I am thankful for my multi colored house that some people find "odd" because I guess black people shouldn't have 5 different rooms that are five different BRIGHT colors of the rainbow. I will take old and antique over new and sparkly any day. I have two tattoos and look forward to my third and last one. Mac and cheese is my favorite food. I like sitting on my old wood porch watching the squirrels and writing in my journals. I am nothing like any of you, we probably don't have alot in common but as Christians, we are all members of God's family and our ultimate goal should all be the same.

I pray you all have a wonderful and safe weekend. I have said it before, it' about getting to really know people. Never assume anything and be willing and open to some new things you can learn from other around you. God wants us taking as many people to heaven with us to be with Him so what are you waiting on??

"Be blessed and be a blessing".....

I wrote this blog a while ago. I actually have been writing this whole time but to be honest with you, Satan had me thinking and believing stuff about myself and I didn't want to be here. I really didn't think I would ever get back to that point in my life and then yesterday happened. It amazes me how so much can change in your life in just a few hours, things that make you know ONCE AGAIN who you have to turn to at all times. good and bad. Satan knew that I was trying to get my life back on track, one that would lead me to seeing God one day and he used every trick, every insecurity I had to bait me and get me off track. So I will share with you what I wrote a while ago. A little much for some maybe, a little open, but really what's in and on my heart. So much has happened and last night I was literally at my breaking point but I had a conversation, a short on with a really good friend who reminded me that Satan hates it when God is first. That when you can be decisive, discern and know God will, well, that's when he sits up and comes up with was to bring us down.


It's been a week since my fingers picked up a pen or typed on my blogs. I seriously debated just picking up, taking the kids and leaving. Now where to or even how, that's a mystery, but the thought was there. My friend Q says I have too much going on. She seems to think I am so busy worried about everyone else, that I can't sit long enough to figure out what it is I want or need. Maybe. I know that stress kills. I know that keeping things in tends to be hazardous to my health (and those around me). I know that praying helps. I know that God listens. I know that no one is perfect and in life, we are going to have trials and issues that seems to be the end of our worlds. I know that life is going to go on no matter what we chose to do each day (well at least until Jesus comes back anyway. And I know that crying really IS good for the soul. Mine anyway.

Somehow I gotta get back to ME. I mean I know it's not about me so please don't get it twisted. By ME I mean, I gotta figure out what happened to that fire that I had that seems to have burned out. There was this point that I had so much crap going on, so much stuff I was doing and was into that was probably not so good. I mean literally had gotten to a point that I figured God would strike me dead if I sneezed wrong. So I started praying, and I mean REALLY praying hard that things changed. That they started looking up and not for me, but for my family, the kids, because I was not showing them any kind of right example (some things are still coming back to bite me in the butt) and I made an effort to make each day a good one. Look for the positive ya know.

It took a while. I LONG while I might add but I don't know.. some light finally clicked in my thick head and I slowly began to climb out of this pit (THANKS BETH MOORE) that I was in. The pit, I dug and put myself in and allowed myself to continue to wallow in. But I was starting to see some light, and it was good.

I started writing, I bought a house, kids were all doing great, no major health issues to talk about, I finished school (YAY), I was divorced but at that point I could at least say me and the ex were getting along OK, life was making sense. I got in to a relationship that started out as just meeting back up with an old school mate to " I love you". I could sit on the porch and talk to God and I "heard" Him talk back to me. Sound crazy right? But I am so serious. The wind would blow just at the right time, a bird would fly by or things just made sense to me. Believe it or not, God was talking and I was listening for the first time in a VERY LONG TIME.. maybe the first time ever! For a change, things were just going right.

I don't know when, where, why or how that all changed. I just know it did. I think Satan had a part in that. He kinds works like that I imagine. Things going all good, great and he catches you off guard and BAM.. instant confusion in my life.

So hence all the things that seemed so perfect, seemed to fit in my life so well... well the problems started. So I started writing cause I remember going to a shrink once (yeah yeah, a DOCTOR) and her telling me that since I liked to write, why not use that to channel the energy. Now anyone who knows me, KNOWS I do not like, despise, loathe, and yeah, even hate doctors and honestly have no faith in much of what they say. But that stuck so I started writing.. so this is where what Q said comes into play.

See, she has this notion that I am a "fixer". That I live my life forgetting MY stuff and get so involved in other folks stuff that when I DO get stressed,,well, its not a pretty picture. Keeping stuff all bottled up and BOOM.... sonic!

So after long and many sleepless night (which is a whole other issue), I started re thinking some stuff. And hence my posting on here and not to everyone else anymore. Well, for a while anyway cause honestly, I can't give advice, tell you my story, help you or even try until I can find some kind of calm in my own. Only this time, I will document.

***BE WARNED*** if you get easily offended by words, thoughts or suggestions, I will tell you now.. let this be the last blog of mine you read. Cause when it's about me (my issues and stuff going on) all bets are off and the mask comes off. I think I have lost a few friends on that one.

I am not perfect, NEVER EVER will you hear me say or suggest that. I have more issues than a few and for my friends, the real ones who know me.. they read between the lines and don't let me side step with the bull. They call me on it, make me front it head on and deal with it. I love them dearly for that too. cause as much as they hate doing it, it helps more than they will ever know.

I am all typed out for the day but let me close by saying this:

I love my kids more than my own life. There is nothing within my power that I will not do for them. I don't care who likes it, it is what it is. I love my boyfriend. He stole my heart the minute we started talking and has not let go since. I stress him though. I know that. Don't get me wrong, I think we stress each other too! I think that's a part of relationships.. at least I think so anyway. I know he loves me and I really think that we can get thru anything. That's what I pray anyway! My friends are the best... none like them in the world. I love my job, the fact that I know beyond the shadow of a doubt I am blessed beyond measure. And more than any of these things, I love my God so much that it makes me cry to think about how He loves me in spite of me. And I know that no matter what I am going through, no matter how stressed I get and no matter how PIGHEADED I can be, HE continues to love me. I know He wants what is best and just wants me to come to Him.. talk and be honest and open. Its not like He doesn't know anyway.

So once again I start a journey that I honestly didn't even think I would have to do again. Maybe this time I will learn....

Until next time....

So with that blog I will end by saying this. I gave up. Satan, in a very short period of time had taken what it took me so long to "fix", made my life again a living hell. But after yesterday, after my conversation, I know that giving up again is not an option. I WILL be here for my friends no matter what anyone says. We gotta stick together ya know because we are all we have. I WILL make sure that my kids get the best in me. I have not been doing that much lately b/c I have been sulking and that has to stop. I WILL pray and concentrate more. Satan really hates that I think and I already know he is working on ways to get me distracted again, but I have to be strong in the faith. I WILL make sure God is first and everything else takes a back seat. I think we say that, and try to mean it, but we show something totally different, well I do anyway so that is my goal, my mission.

So really, until next time, Lord willing,

Emotional rollercoasters, softabll games, sitting in the rain and me... not necessarily in that order

I have to praise God in the good and bad, even though I don't want to at times. Just being honest. Sometimes I wanna sulk in my own self pity, sighing and moping around like nobodies business and dare anyone try to be positive. Leave me and let me do me. Or something like that anyway, but God.. Oh God.. He does ntop think like me and has this thing about letting me be and do ME... He's not very fond of it and tends to wanna step in at what I feel sometimes are the most awful moments to get me back in line. I kick and scream to do it my way, but alas, I have to give in. He wins (ALWAYS in case you were wondering) and I do it His way. Funny thing is, it works.

Last night I was a total and awful ass to my boyfriend. He didn't do a thing although I bet he was racking his brain trying to figure out what he had done. Spazz is my middle name among a million others. See, I was just having a day I guess and of course yo can't take it out on just anyone, it's gotta be someone close to you, someone who will take it cause they know you have issues every once in a while. But it's not really fair to him or me. I'm sorry.. that's all I can say. He will probably never read this blog cause I don't think he even knows I still write but I will call him in a minute and tell him what a jerk I was and apologize and pray he accepts it. Sigh......

It rained this past weekend and OH MY it was wonderful. Even though I have a hard time understand what God has in mind for my life, I KNOW that He gave me that rain to calm my nerves and to make me realize that He is still there for me. Rain is ALWAYS my sign from God and I can sit outside.. listen... and just hear Him. Sometimes I wished it rained everyday....

Our first softball game is today.. Albany High School that is. My daughter's 2nd year in high school and 2nd yer on the varsity team. She is excited and I am excited for her. We fuss alot and I chalk that up to her being a teenager and me getting old, but I love her and want the best for her no matter what. I probably need to show her that more and do a better job at it. I slack in that area and I need to be praying more about it.

My friend Jazzmine is back live n the radio. 98.1 to be exact, right after Steve Harvey and that makes me smile cause if i am in a mood, I can text her and she will play my song and make me smile. Love her to pieces.

Without Quanda telling me to get my crap together and quit whining most days, I probably would have lost my job by now b/c of depression. I suffer from that ya know... well maybe you didn't. I don't take medicine for it anymore, even though I should. I would imagine it would help me get through MORE days w/o my temper tantrums. Eh.... I just keep praying and e-mailing her daily, hope she don't get tired of me!

I am a blessed woman and I know that. I have wonderful, smart, funny cute kids who put up w/ a crazed mommy sometimes, I have a handful of friends that wouldn't judge me no matter what craziness I did but would step to me and tell me to correct it in a heartbeat, I have a wonderful, sweet, intelligent man who loves me even when I put him through my mood swings but most of all and probably, nope, it IS the best things of all is that I have a God who is more committed to me. loves me more than I could ever imagine and who will stick by me even in my roughest moments and be ready to give me His hand to hold as I keep plugging along. There is nothing else I need.

** So I stopped blogging for everyone a few weeks ago in order to try to get my hard headed self back together. I don't want sympathy or need anyone feeling sorry for me. This is my outlet, my way of venting. This is no way trying to geive any advice to anyone.. actually I am the one who probably needs it the most.**

So I have been reading again. Slowly, but reading. It's called 'So Long Insecurity: You've Been a Bad Friend to Us' by Beth Moore. Now you know Mrs. Moore is one of my all time favorite women writers. She is so acurate and so straight forward, I wonder sometimes if she knows me personally. So anywho, this book deals with the insecurities that women sometimes have and I seriously recommend it to everyone of you. I haven't finished it yet, but when I do, I will let you know how it turns out.

So lately, more so than ever, my insecurities have reared their ugly head. This was BEFORE I picked up the book too. But I have always had issues w/ insecurity.. never thought I was good enough in any area.. appearance, not really knowing how to handle a relationship, good or bad, being a parent.. you name it. And I think that when things happen, it makes me doubt myself even more. But I was on a roll there for a while and it didn't bother me. And then, about 2 months ago, BAM, like a bolt of lightening, it was there again. And it's odd how it works. I can be fine for the wole day, go home and see one thing and be set off. And thus, the drama begins.... and of course NO ONE understands me or where I am coming from and even if they think they do and start offering all that free advice we so like to give, it goes in one ear and out the other for me. Feeling doomed, I normally get a pint of ice cream, cry and play some stupid computer game to get my mind half way back on track.

But it consumes me to the point that the next day, it's still there and my life is in an uproar. All because I can't seem to get a grip. Side note: I need to learn to keep my business to myself and not be so free to seeking advice..well at least from the wrong people, ungodly people.

But I know I am not the only woman in the world that feels this way. Beth Moore said so (HA)! And try to explain this to a man...well you might as well be talking to a wall b/c they DO NOT understand, DON'T have a clue as to how to fix it and although tryingto be helpful, give us this god awful advice about " being happy w/ who you are". Yeah dude, if it was only that simple.

I know I am not a failure, I have actually had a very blessed life, even through all the trials and drama. I know all of this. But Satan uses every single thing that we hate and that bothers us against us. Hence all the insecurities.

I know that God loves me no matter how I look, what I wear, where I work.. whatever. I know that He loves me for what is really on the inside and yes, that is all I need to really be focused on. Much easier said than done though when we live in the here and now. In the world that is gonna judge every little thingwe say and do and try to twist it around. I know this because I am guilty of it myself.

I don't pray enough. Nope,I don't and I would say that I am very selfish in my praying. I want what I want when I want it becasue I know exactly what is is I need. After all I live with myself everyday.

I have to get to the point where I am content with Christ and Christ alone. Try not to do too many things at one time. Know that as humans, we WILL fail each other so that everything I do should not be based on what I think people will say and do. I'm glad God can see my heart. I will try to delight myself in Him so that He will give me the desires of my heart. All in His time and not mine.


I'm gonna finish that book by this weekend.. I am seriously thinking I need it right now. Until next time... Peace!

God is all knowing, all seeing, all powerful and there is nothing He cannot do if He chooses to. He created us in His image and expects us to love, serve and follow Him and bring as many into the kingdom as we can. Although I believe that we have to pray and ask God for His guidance and answers to anything that is going on with us, good or bad, I also think, that He expects us to use the brain He gave us.

We don't live in the time of Christ when God's voice came from heaven and told people what to do. But that does not mean that we don't have signs and get answers to those prayers we pray.

I use to be really ignorant, someitmes I still am and I would ask and ask and ask and God would anwswer but I really didn't like any of those answers so I either kept praying to try to get some more, ignored it or simply did my own thing beacuse I THOUGHT this was what God wanted me to do. That got me NO WHERE fast!

I always wanted things quickly... fix my marriage.. quickly ... make my kids mind.. quickly... I need money to pay this bill... quickly... I wanna lose weight... QUICK! And although those are some very vaild things, not putting in the work, not praying steadfastly, not really believing that God would intervien, well sometimes, like I said, I had to learn the hard way. "A hard head makes a soft behind". And my behind is mushy soft from doing things on my own all the time!

Quit asking people to co sign with your mess. Quit thinking that if I pray, God HAS to do what I want because its the only thing that makes sense. Quit giving God limits. Keep doing what you are doing on your own, thinking "just give me a little more time" or " maybe if I try this, it might work"... see how far that gets ya.. Take some serious time out and really talk to God... just like you would any parent.. because He IS our Father and knows more than we do. When you really start talking and actually LISTENING and using the brain that God gave us, the answers will be clear. No need in second guessing anything.

What happened to the weekend?

You wait and wait for Friday afternoon to hit. To be able to relax and release. But just as soon as you blink your eyes a few times, Monday has rolled around again. Sighhhh...

It was a "so-so" weekend. I am still in the process of trying to get my groove back and have no clue how to do it. I DO know that I got a message from someone yesterday and she said that she missed seeing me and my comments at Life Group last night and that really made my night. I think that people ( and this is just MY opinion because it's MY blog) think for some reason I seem to have my stuff together. Kids look ok, not dirty or too ill managed in public, we make it to school and church on time and seemingly have a little knowledge so it can't be that bed I guess. And yes, I know there are SO many people in the world who have problems that make mine look like a piece of cake, but my problems are mine and to me, they are big and keep me at a stand still. But no one really ever asks. I mean I get the occasional " How are you doing" but seriously, who REALLY wants to know? NO ONE and you know why.. because they are SO afraid that when they ask, you will start to tell them, which will put them in an awful situation... to help or not to help?? No one wants that kind of pressure and to be perfectly honest with you, I don't have the time or energy to have folks feel sorry for me so I keep it with me. Yeah, not the best but it's what I got.

So THANK YOU to my friend who asked about me not being there and NOT trying to pry or find out any kind of gossip, but genuinely worried.. it really meant alot!

Sigghhhh.. where did my weekend go? All I know if God got me through it and I feel good today. Not sure why, but I have some calm today and I'll take it!!!

Think what you will

But Donnie Walhberg is SUPERRRRRRRRRRRRRR SUPPERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR SEXYYYYYYYYYYYYY .. bless his FINE FINE SOUL!!!!!!



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmDi3N-4Ckc&feature=related

And the band plays on...

What a week it has been. I haven't really talked much to anyone, haven't done alot, kinda keeping a low profile I guess. I'm tired. Worn out. Brain is completely blank of any kind of useful knowledge right now. There are fifty million and one things going on with me. Where to start, where to begin...Let's see, the air conditioner is once again for the I don't know how many times, messed up. I need a new sink cause the one I got is leaking, my daughter thinks the world revolves around her and her friends and if THEY decided not to do something, then all else fails, my car is overheating every other day, I have 2 birthday parties to take the kids to this weekend and baby shower to somehow go to and help with... and you know what I want more than anything in this world right now????? I want a vacation.. just me, no kids, no cell phone or computer, sitting on a beach (if there is no oil spill there), with some kind of tropical alcoholic drink in my hand and just not give a care to what is going on. I wanna have a great big ole straw hat, some big white sunglasses and a long maxi dress with no shoes on. Kinda silly huh? Not to me....

Yesterday was made 12 years since my mom passed away. I recall once someone saying to me something to the effect of " I don't understand how or why after all this time, you still get as emotional and upset about your mom's passing as you do". Another one of those ignorant comments coming from someone who has basically had everything in life handed to them I guess, no real worries or stress I guess unless is trying to figure out if its chicken or pork for dinner. I never really answered that person's comment cause I know that things like that bring out the OLD me, the ghetto me, and yeah I can get pretty ghetto is I have too. Most black folk can I think if pushed hard enough and that was about my limit.

So let me break it down to ya.... My mom.. was one of the smartest, most out going, wittiest, prettiest, WOMEN I have ever known and yeah yeah yeah she was my mom so you would imagine I would say that ANYWAY but I can honestly tell you that anyone you asked, would say the same thing. My mom handled her business and she did it well. She raised a family, took care of a husband, and finally after we were old enough, went back to college, finished her degree and became a teacher just like she had always aspired to be. She was loved and respected by those she worked with, went to church with, were friends with and by me! I have done alot of jacked up shit in my day. Sometimes I still manage to pull off some stupid stunts even at age 37.. but that woman, no matter what I did, always had my back. Now she didn't pussyfoot around. If I messed up, she was all over me to do better but what else are mom's for. She helped get me back on the right path and was always ALWAYS ALWAYS my support system and loved me regardless of what I said or did. I could always call on her no matter what time of day or night and she was there.

I am not proud of this next statement, but it's true and I had a really big struggle with it for a rally long time. I never understood why my mom had to die and some of these jacked up mom's who don't take care of anyone but themselves, these selfish ignorant people walking around here are still here! I mean seems to me that my mom would serve more good ya know. In my head anyway. I would imagine this very statement is why I had such a hard time and still sometimes do. I know God has plans and I do know and BELIEVE that all things work for those who love Him and that He has never and will never leave me as long ans I love and trust Him. So is it a contradiction for me to say " WHy, I don't STILL understand why"? Probably never will and guess what.. the band still plays on. Life does not stop and will not stop b/c I am pissed off at it.

I miss my momma so much. I watch my kids and get really teary eyed knowing that they will never have a Grandparents Day at school, they they can never take pics with them or call and tell how their days was, that they cannot have the privilege of being "spoiled rotten" by them. Its especially hard for my daughter.. she was 3 when her "Grammy" died and she remembers very well what happened. The night my mom died, Bri stayed with a friend of mine and when they were explaining death to her (some of which she actually understood) she said as confident and strongly as she could and with a serious face "Well, I understand all that but if you give me a rope, I can pull her back down from heaven". I just miss my momma more than I could ever explain and honestly, you probably would never comprehend it anyway. So I don't try explaining it anymore...

Tired and worn out are such simple words for what I feel at this very moment. And to be perfectly honest with you, I haven't really talked to God a whole lot this week. You know, sometimes it's easier said than done, but I am trying, I really am.

Life goes on, people come and go and the band continues to play on.

WHYYYY on earth?!?!?!?!?!

are they actually producing a movie and publishing a book of memoirs on this boy?? Like OK call me a hater, c all me jealous, I don't care but are you KIDDING ME right now??? My life is SOOO much more interesting and I got alot more to tell. This is really a sad sad joke. I cringe at the money that will be spent on this and how much they will make off the kiddos (not mine) and look at the economy and the world. Sad man, just sad.....


http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100803/ap_en_ce/us_people_justin_bieber

So I know that this is NOT going to make sense to alot of people, so I mean if you get confused easily, you probably wanna stop reading now. The way my mind works, I will start on one subject and by the time I am done, it will be something totally different. Just be warned......

Hmmmmm...so I talked with a friend of mine. She is a single mommy too and we share similar stories. You know sometimes I really think that God picks out special people to be single parents. Not that married people can't be special and not that we have any more gifts than the next person, but I cannot tell you how many times I have heard " Oh, my husband is out of town and I had the kids for this particular week and I now know just how you feel being alone and taking care of the kids by yourself"

Ahhhh, no, you don't. And I actually get really offended and taken aback when they say it to me.

Now, I understand what they mean and I know that the majority of them are not being asses, they really are TRYING to understand and have sympathy. But I say, take mine for a month or two and then come back and talk to me.

But God, well, He knows a whole lot more than we do. And honestly, my being single had alot to do with selfishness on the part of my ex husband AND me so I can't blame anyone for that. But I guess God knew that even if I had to do this alone, I could do it. I seriously doubt He would entrust them in my care if He didn't think I could fit the bill. Sometimes though I wish He didn't have so much faith in me. I know He knows I get tried, discouraged, my brain actually goes in slow motion alot. More so lately than ever. The past few months have also seen its share of panic attacks. I use to have those things everyday and when I finally started figuring out what it was God wanted me to do (or so I thought anyway) they went away. So I guess lately since I THINK I have or had it all figured out, stupid things came back. So I am like GREAT.. on top of everything else, now I gotta deal with this again. Peaches.....

But one really good thing happened yesterday, well I guess maybe 3.. the kids had a great first day of school. The little one went, NOT WANTING TO go with that patch on his eye at all. But what is the first thing we see when we walk in class.. another little boy who has the same condition AND glasses with a patch also. It made my baby feel better. The middle one is in 5th grade now and they are upstairs in the school. He didn't want me to walk him to class.. too big for that now. But I did anyway and fought back those tears cause they were coming. And the oldest... all I can say is
10th grade.... WOWWWW. They are growing up right before my eyes, over night and for as much as my life to me seems jacked up... somewhere, somehow, I got a few things right because I have good kids.

Sigh.... all typed out early today. Maybe more tomorrow.. until then...

Gonna find me.. somehow!

It's been a week since my fingers picked up a pen or typed on my blogs. I seriously debated just picking up, taking the kids and leaving. Now where to or even how, that's a mystery, but the thought was there. My friend Q says I have too much going on. She seems to think I am so busy worried about everyone else, that I can't sit long enough to figure out what it is I want or need. Maybe. I know that stress kills. I know that keeping things in tends to be hazardous to my health (and those around me). I know that praying helps. I know that God listens. I know that no one is perfect and in life, we are going to have trials and issues that seems to be the end of our worlds. I know that life is going to go on no matter what we chose to do each day (well at least until Jesus comes back anyway. And I know that crying really IS good for the soul. Mine anyway.

Somehow I gotta get back to ME. I mean I know it's not about me so please don't get it twisted. By ME I mean, I gotta figure out what happened to that fire that I had that seems to have burned out. There was this point that I had so much crap going on, probably more than the people who know a LITTLE know about, so much stuff I was doing and was into that was probably not so good. I mean literally had gotten to a point that I figured God would strike me dead if I sneezed wrong. So I started praying, and I mean REALLY praying hard that things changed. That they started looking up and not for me, but for my family, the kids, because I was not showing them any kind of right example (some things are still coming back to bite me in the butt) and I made an effort to make each day a good one. Look for hte positive ya know.

It took a while. I LONG while I might add but I don't know.. some light finally clicked in my thick head and I slowly began to climb out of this pit (THANKS BETH MOORE) that I was in. The pit, I dug and put myself in and allowed myself to continue to wallow in. But I was starting to see some light, and it was good.

I started writing, I bought a house, kids were all doing great, no major health issues to talk about, I finished school (YAY), I was divorced but at that point I could at least say me and the ex were getting along OK, life was making sense. I got in to a relationship that started out as just meeting back up with an old school mate to " I love you". I could sit on the porch and talk to God and I "heard" Him talk back to me. Sound crazy right? But I am so serious. The wind would blow just at the right time, a bird would fly by or things just made sense to me. Believe it or not, God was talking and I was listening for the first time in a VERY LONG TIME.. maybe the first time ever! For a change, things were just going right.

I don't know when, where, why or how that all changed. I just know it did. I think Satan had a part in that. He kinds works like that I imagine. Things going all good, great and he catches you off guard and BAM.. instant confusion in my life.

So hence all the things that seemed so perfect, seemed to fit in my life so well... well the problems started. So I started writing cause I remember going to a shrink once (yeah yeah, a DOCTOR) and her telling me that since I liked to write, why not use that to channel the energy. Now anyone who knows me, KNOWS I do not like, despise, loathe, and yeah, even hate doctors and honestly have no faith in much of what they say. But that stuck so I started writing.. so this is where what Q said comes into play.

See, she has this notion that I am a "fixer". That I live my life forgetting MY stuff and get so involved in other folks stuff that when I DO get stressed,,well, its not a pretty picture. Keeping stuff all bottled up and BOOM.... sonic!

So after long and many sleepless night (which is a whole other issue), I started re thinking some stuff. And hence my posting on here and not to everyone else anymore. Well, for a while anyway cause honestly, I can't give advice, tell you my story, help you or even try until I can find some kind of calm in my own. Only this time, I will document.



***BE WARNED*** if you get easily offended by words, thoughts or suggestions, I will tell you now.. let this be the last blog of mine you read. Cause when it's about me (my issues and stuff going on) all bets are off and the mask comes off. I think I have lost a few friends on that one.

I am not perfect, NEVER EVER will you hear me say or suggest that. I have more issues than a few and for my friends, the real ones who know me.. they read between the lines and don't let me side step with the bull. They call me on it, make me front it head on and deal with it. I love them dearly for that too. cause as much as they hate doing it, it helps more than they will ever know.

I am all typed out for the day but let me close by saying this:

I love my kids more than my own life. There is nothing within my power that I will not do for them. I don't care who likes it, it is what it is. I love my boyfriend. He stole my heart the minute we started talking and has not let go since. I stress him though. I know that. Don't get me wrong, I think we stress each other too! I think that's a part of relationships.. at least I think so anyway. I know he loves me and I really think that we can get thru anything. That's what I pray anyway! My friends are the best... none like them in the world. I love my job, the fact that I know beyond the shadow of a doubt I am blessed beyond measure. And more than any of these things, I love my God so much that it makes me cry to think about how He loves me in spite of me. And I know that no matter what I am going through, no matter how stressed I get and no matter how PIGHEADED I can be, HE continues to love me. I know He wants what is best and just wants me to come to Him.. talk and be honest and open. Its not like He doesn't know anyway.

So once again I start a journey that I honestly didn't even think I would have to do again. Maybe this time I will learn....

Until next time....

Last night while I was surfing the Internet doing some reading, I came across a devotional that really touched me. I would imagine so because it seemed so parallel to my own life. As I read it, I just inserted my name where he was talking about himself and it was me. So I decided to share it with you:


http://www.simpledevotions.org/2007/10/26/stuck-in-my-own-hole.html

You know, I had a conversation with someone yesterday and I thought about it alot last night. I don't have all the answers, I would never want anyone to think that I am telling them what to do although I know I am one of those people who like to "fix" things. I mean, its advice, take it or leave it. I have my own issues so I surely can't help you make your life perfect if mine isn't, and never will be. But what I do know is this, like he said in the article, no matter how bad things get, how much we think there really is no end in sight, and even if we get mad at God, He's still there. And for every issues we have, for every situation we can't figure out and those things that just don't make sense to us, He uses it for HIS good. I was in life group this past week and the subject came up about not all bad things work out for good. I have thought about that this week too and I mean I guess in a way, they were right.. it doesn't work out all the time for OUR good but I do believe that it works out the way God wants it too for HIS good for those that love Him. We might as well forget trying to figure God out.. it ain't happening. But we can still trust that He knows exactly what He is doing. He loves us.

I hope and pray you are all having a really good week. It's been kind of long and I am smiling thinking about the weekend coming up. Relax, release.......

Until next time, Lord willing, "be blessed and be a blessing"!!

This past weekend in Blakely, Georgia a man committed a double murder and then killed himself. His victims, his wife and son. He also shot his daughter, I assume in an attempt to kill her but she survived. The man and his wife were school teachers there and just from what I have been reading, were well liked by all, things seemed to be going fine, as far as everyone else was concerned so everyone, as I would be and am, are in shock. Why would someone take another person's life, especially his own wife and child? It makes no sense at all and for as much as the police will soon question the girl to see what she knows, I really don't think they will ever find out the truth. It died along with the man.

I don't know that anyone could have done anything to prevent what happened in that house. Not sure if there were some signs maybe that people around them missed, but I do know that as I have been saying for the past few weeks and for me, this confirms some things for me personally... we HAVE to be involved in people's lives. I am not saying dip all in the business down to every single dirty detail, but if you are not sharing God's message, helping when people need it, being there for someone to talk to, we are seriously missing the boat. Sometimes, its not what people say, it's what they don't say. Start paying attention. Start WANTING to be involved in something other than yourself.

We sang one of my favorite songs again this past Sunday, I Belong to Jesus, and my favorite verse in that song will always be

"Satan goes around like a roaring lion, seeking who he may devour, but he has been defeated so I'm testifying' by the blood of Jesus he's lost his pow'r"

Don't let Satan catch us off guard. That is what he lives for. To make those little things in life get us so off track, that they turn into big things and we get so far in them, so caught up that sometimes, there is no turning back.

I really pray you all have a wonderful day. Do something good today, something out of your normal routine and watch God work! Love you all and Lord willing, we will talk again soon...

I really feel that God sends us messages daily and that it is up to us to be still enough to listen, hear, understand and do what it is He is calling us to do. This past weekend was no exception for me. We went to church on Sunday morning and if I have said it once, I have said it a thousand times, God was talking to me again. Greg preached a sermon on temptation and sin and as I listened, I thought about the thing that tempts me most and how Satan tries to find any way to get to me. Honestly, it's a daily battle for me, something I have to talk to myself about and stay away from. Then after the sermon, a letter was read from someone in the church. Long story short, a friend of theirs had passed away and they felt a sadness and guilt because they did not feel like they had done all they could do to ensure that this person knew who Jesus was and was not sure if they would go to heaven or not. Needless to say, it was an emotional Sunday morning for alot of people. And of course, it got me to thinking...

There is so much going on right now. Not just with people you work with or see on occasion, but the ones you see everyday, your own family. As Christians we have the great responsibility of spreading God's message of truth and love. Just because people don't want to hear it, just because they may not be the "kind of people" we like to hang around or just because we don't feel like it, we still are commanded by God to go and teach everyone. There is no picking and choosing who WE think should be allowed to go to heaven. We are still here on this earth for a reason. I mean seriously, think about it. With all the mess, drama and discord we cause on this earth, God really could have wiped us all out a long time ago. But He hasn't because He wants as many of His children to be with Him as possible and it's up to us to do that.

I have really been bothered lately by some things that have been going on. I even went so far as to talk to a few people about it and basically it's still an issue. The sermon this past week, that letter, really hit home for me and I know that now is not the time to be holding back because as we discussed last night in life group, living til we are 70 or 80 is not promised to ANY of us. You could leave work today and never see your family again. We hate to think about things like that, it's kinda morbid to be honest, but it is still very true. And knowing that today, this very moment could be your last, how are you gonna live it? MY personal prayer has ALWAYS been that God let me live long enough to see my last child graduate from high school and go one to have some kind of career. So that I won't have to worry. But for as much as I pray it, it just may not be in God's plan.. and I know that. So for the time I have right now, I try to instill what I need to in my children so that they will know and lean on God in every single situation that have. I know He will take care of the rest.

I hate to be such a downer on Monday morning (Mondays are rough enough as it is) but I think we seriously need to think about how we live our daily lives. Are we doing what God wants us to do, live how He wants us to live or are we just going through some motions until we figure out some thing better? There really is no time like right now to make some changes ya know....

I had a WONDERFUL weekend with my nephew. He is the greatest, let me tell you. I pray you all had good, safe weekends and that your week is starting out wonderful. Until next time, Lord willing....

I think God turned His back on me. I have been asking and praying for this thing. I am really sure it's what I need and it will be a great help to me, so I really don't understand why He has not given it to me yet?"

Okay, these were not the exact words I heard, I paraphrased, but this was the gist of it. And as I listened to this person talk, kinda wanting me to agree with them I think, my brain (as usual) started working. Now I realize from my own selfishness, that I ask for things that I think I need in my life. I mean like I have said before,. I know me better than anyone right? So it makes sense that if I ask for it, that God should oblige me and let me have it.

But something I have learned and I told this person this is that what we THINK we need is not always in God's plan for us. Maybe it's more of a want than a need. Now God DOES answer prayer, there is no doubt about that, but when we ask for selfish gain or just plain wrong motives, I seriously doubt we are going to get the answer we like. But that does not mean we won't get an answer. Maybe God has something else in mind. May not look like what we wanted, may cause us to have to work a little harder (something we do NOT like) and it may end up taking longer, but He still can give you something else that works out so much better.

Our pride gets in the way of alot of things. For some reason we think people OWE us and we DESERVE so much more than most of us actually give. And even if you are the type of person who rally does give alot, always the first one to offer help, so what? I mean really! God commanded us to serve others anyway and if your only reason is that you are doing it to get some kind of reward from God or pat on the back or have your name mentioned, well, I think you may need to seriously re-think some things.

God wants us talking to Him. He wants to be the first person we think about when things are going not so good AND when things are going good. He doesn't want us giving up when things get rough, He just wants us to know that He is the one and only way out. Once we realize it, things will probably become much easier for us.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. My brother left yesterday but my nephew is still here w/ me until Sunday so we are gonna have a fun filled weekend. Maybe I will send a few pics next week. Until then, keep praying, keep trusting, keep being a blessing and be safe...

Yesterday I had a conversation with a really good friend. We decided that between the two of us, with so many things that we had seen, done and been through, we probably could write some kind of self help book. There are days when I can talk to her and she understands just where I am coming from because she has been through similar things and her with me. Not that I can't talk to other people, but there is something about talking to someone who had been through the same kind of things and them offering advice because they have come out on the other side of it.

You know that no matter how hard our problems are, God can use all of that for some wonderful things. When other people are in need, you will be able to listen, offer advice and help them in ways that not everyone can do. I guess in an odd kind of way, your problems can also turn into your spiritual gifts.

2 Corinthians 1:3-5 (Msg) "All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah! Father of all mercy! God of all healing counsel! He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us. We have plenty of hard times that come from following the Messiah, but no more so than the good times of his healing comfort—we get a full measure of that, too."

I would imagine, like in my own life, that it is really not fun going through bad times and the last thing we may want to think about is someone else. But even though things may not work out the way you would like them for you, God will still use you to help someone else. I don't profess to have all the answers by any means, but I know that through all the things I have gone through in my short life on Earth, that maybe others can see and learn from some of it.

I pray you are all having a wonderful week. I really am. My nephew has been with me and let me just say, I love him to pieces. He's cute, he's funny and it just amazes me how God is working in his life. I can see it Mollie, I really can. I think I might wanna keep him here forever : ))

Until next time, Lord willing...

Everywhere you look today, the world is promises that "stuff" will make us happy, will fulfill us. That if we have it, people will love us more. Whether it be some big house on the hill, traveling all over, making a six figure salary and basically just having what we want when we want it. The world AND Satan tell us to grab all of it and life will be great. In reality though, there is only one way to experience true love and that is through Christ Jesus. I was reading a book the other day on Paul and you know it really amazes me. Paul went through alot of trials and turmoil in his life but never once swayed from the notion that no matter what was going on, God was the only one to turn to in those times. and for the most part, Paul did alot of his teaching IN prison. I have to think, how would I act if I was locked up in prison for my beliefs and would I still be as faithful as Paul was??

We should be encouraged knowing that God loves us SO much, that HE was willing to give up the one thing that most of us would not even think about giving up.. His one and only Son so that we would get the chance to spend eternity with him. An eternity where the house, cars, jobs and money won't matter.

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend. I did. I got to spend it with the family and it was great. So much so that I had some separation anxiety this morning and really had to do some serious praying to get this far in the day. :)

Until next time, Lord willing...

Things happen, but I guess the question is, who do we turn to when they do?

Yesterday my son was diagnosed with Amblyopia. In simple terms, he has a developmental disorder (lazy eye) where his brain decided to like one eye over both eyes and although not blind in one eye, his vision is blurred to the point of not seeing in it. Had it been caught sooner, he could have worn a patch over the good eye to "trick" the bad one into working. Because of his age, we were told that we could try it, but at this point he would not get the vision back in it totally if at all. So he will have to wear glasses to protect his good eye and if you see him for the next few weeks, well, he is a little self conscience about the patch so try to make him feel good for me.

My son does not have AIDS, no cancer, he doesn't have high blood pressure or diabetes, nothing life threatening or serious, he only has amblyopia. But he's my son and to me, it's serious. I told you all about my friend who is pregnant and has been put on bed rest for high blood pressure and she is worried about her baby's health. I told her last week that God has it all under control and to try and enjoy her pregnancy as much as possible. Her daughter is going to be my god-daughter and Lord knows that I want her happy and healthy. But you know what, no matter what our imperfections may be (and we ALL have them, physical defects or not) God still loves us and can use us for His purpose.

There is NO situation we come across that God cannot help us through. I read this quote "If God brings it to you, He will bring you through it. God will either lighten you load or strengthen your back." And I believe that. Does that mean I am not upset about my baby... NOPE because I am, humans tend to be like that. Praise the Lord though for His goodness and grace and the fact that I can go to Him and tell Him I am upset and can't handle it and He promises to help me through it. Just because our paths are unknown to us, does not mean God is not leading us. I remember when my parents died how everyone was quoting that verse " weeping endures a night, but joy comes in the morning".. well, those night may have been long, our trials and problems may seem to keep coming and the end looks far off, but the truth of the matter is that joy really DOES come in the morning, through Christ Jesus and there will be a day that we can all look back and realize that God's grace covered, protected, calmed and comforted us.

I am a person who is happy one day and can be a basket case the next. I change like the wind. But God, is always the same, never changing and ALWAYS there for us.

I hope you all have a wonderful day. Please keep us in your prayers. I think I am more freaking than my son is because as far as he is concerned, there is nothing wrong with him, it's all he knows anyway. : )

Until next time, be safe, love ya!