My world and how I see it

So I know that this is NOT going to make sense to alot of people, so I mean if you get confused easily, you probably wanna stop reading now. The way my mind works, I will start on one subject and by the time I am done, it will be something totally different. Just be warned......

Hmmmmm...so I talked with a friend of mine. She is a single mommy too and we share similar stories. You know sometimes I really think that God picks out special people to be single parents. Not that married people can't be special and not that we have any more gifts than the next person, but I cannot tell you how many times I have heard " Oh, my husband is out of town and I had the kids for this particular week and I now know just how you feel being alone and taking care of the kids by yourself"

Ahhhh, no, you don't. And I actually get really offended and taken aback when they say it to me.

Now, I understand what they mean and I know that the majority of them are not being asses, they really are TRYING to understand and have sympathy. But I say, take mine for a month or two and then come back and talk to me.

But God, well, He knows a whole lot more than we do. And honestly, my being single had alot to do with selfishness on the part of my ex husband AND me so I can't blame anyone for that. But I guess God knew that even if I had to do this alone, I could do it. I seriously doubt He would entrust them in my care if He didn't think I could fit the bill. Sometimes though I wish He didn't have so much faith in me. I know He knows I get tried, discouraged, my brain actually goes in slow motion alot. More so lately than ever. The past few months have also seen its share of panic attacks. I use to have those things everyday and when I finally started figuring out what it was God wanted me to do (or so I thought anyway) they went away. So I guess lately since I THINK I have or had it all figured out, stupid things came back. So I am like GREAT.. on top of everything else, now I gotta deal with this again. Peaches.....

But one really good thing happened yesterday, well I guess maybe 3.. the kids had a great first day of school. The little one went, NOT WANTING TO go with that patch on his eye at all. But what is the first thing we see when we walk in class.. another little boy who has the same condition AND glasses with a patch also. It made my baby feel better. The middle one is in 5th grade now and they are upstairs in the school. He didn't want me to walk him to class.. too big for that now. But I did anyway and fought back those tears cause they were coming. And the oldest... all I can say is
10th grade.... WOWWWW. They are growing up right before my eyes, over night and for as much as my life to me seems jacked up... somewhere, somehow, I got a few things right because I have good kids.

Sigh.... all typed out early today. Maybe more tomorrow.. until then...