My world and how I see it

2011-10-10T09:09:00.001-04:00

True story:

I was suppose to go on a trip this past weekend to Savannah with some ladies form church and I really needed it. But unfortunately, I had some truck issues that cost a bit more than I bargained for and I couldn't go. I was mad, upset and irritated. I was telling Tony Friday how these things always seems to happen to me. I try to do everything in order and "right" but it never pans out the way I want it too. I have 50 million things around the house that need fixing or taken care of and I can't. My brother never returns my calls or texts,could be dead for all I know. My schedule is the same thing for me day in and day out, boring. And then, he and I have just had discussions about our relationship that are not bad, but not moving like I want them too. He started telling me the stuff I tell everyone else who gets in those "ruts" and actually I really didn't want to hear it. I think he could tell by the look on my face. But he told me anyway. He said " maybe we should try to go to the Whodini concert" but he didn't realize that the concert was the next day and this was not our pay week so that was out too. I went to bed madder than I started out and with a serious headache.

Saturday morning:

All the kids are getting ready to go with my ex husband to a picnic so at least I would get the house to myself for a while. Better than nothing I guess. 8:30 my doorbell rings and I am fussing because the ex is early picking them up. I yell for Khaaliq to go to the door and tell him just a minute. Khaaliq comes running back and said " Its Mr Ken from church. He just wanted you to know he was in the backyard." In my backyard? Why and its 8:30 on a SATURDAY morning.... So I throw on some clothes and go outside to not only Ken, but about 8 people from my church who thought I was going to be out of town in Savannah and they had come to do my yard work. Cutting grass, trimming hedges, picking up sticks and limbs... you name it. I didn't know what to think or say but I did thank God for them coming because I hadn't even thought about the yard, too much else to do. The yard was beautiful when they finished and as they left I thought to myself, THANK YOU GOD for this, but EH.......

I decided to go call and friend to see if she was up and we came up with the idea of eating breakfast at her house and watching a movie. I didn't have anything else to do, so why not. As I was talking to her, I get a text message from a mutual friend of our and it says "I have two tickets for the concert tonight, want them?" OKAY, is this a joke or what....Not only did I get his two tickets, the friend I was having breakfast with had two tickets that other people did not want so she gave them to me. Four tickets to this concert for Tony and I, plus whoever else I wanted to go with us. Alright God, MAYBE this is you or it could just be some kind of coincidence. Either way, we are going to the concert tonight. : )

I tried to text Tony while we were watching the movie to tell him what had happened that morning but he was in the hunting field so I figured he would just text me later on and sure enough about an hour later my phone goes off. The text says

" Hey, how are you, what are y'all up too?"

But it wasn't Tony, it was my brother. I kid you not. I have not spoken or heard from him in 2 or 3 weeks at least. I got chill bumps...I thought about the conversation the night before and I was like " hmmmmmm, no... can't be...."

Tony decided to go to church with me Sunday and Ken, the same guy who came to help with my yard was guest speaking... on Love. And as he was preaching, I heard him say and talk about the very same things Tony and I had discussed about our relationship that Friday night. I felt a lump in my throat because every once in a while,. Tony would squeeze my hand or give me a nudge when he said it. And at that point, I KNEW it was not coincidence at all.

I didn't pray for any of that stuff actually. It was more fussing and complaining but God, well I guess decided to show me. Tony told me last night " I will only say this once and I will leave it alone, but this weekend was an eye opener for you and for me. I couldn't have planned that, it had to be God."

And he was right. So caught up in my wants and needs. Trying to ask God for help but still had my hand on it, not giving it to him completely to deal with. So he took every thing that came out of my big mouth on Friday and make it come to pass.If people say God isn't real, they say He still doesn't answer prayers (even unspoken ones) or can't do miracles.. they are wrong and you can tell them Tony and I said so.....

I pray you all have a wonderful Monday. Until next time, Lord willing....

2011-10-06T09:27:00.000-04:00

So this morning I had all intentions on getting up and going to the gym. I set my alarm clock at 4:45 and was gonna be there in time for the 5:30 SPIN class. As a normal part of my morning routine, I got my phone and decided to see who was up and out on Facebook already. I know I know... kinda sad but oh well, it's what I do. So as I am scanning down, I see a friend of mine is flying in to Albany to go on a trip with some other friends this weekend, I see people posting really positive messages and scriptures and then something caught my eye. Someone who I went to high school with (he is 3 yrs younger than me) had a number of posting that implied he was not happy with his life and he was about to do something about that. We are not close friends, we didn't hang out in school, but we are FB friends and immediately I went into shock mode. I noticed that he worked with a friend of mine so I called him (at 5 this morning) and told him what was going on. Long story short, I ended up sitting outside his job waiting to see if he made it to work. He did... my friend got him to come out and talk to me and I just told him that nothing is so bad to want to leave this earth before God is ready for us too and to really pray and pray hard and I would be too!

There are so many people around us hurting right now for all kinds of reason. And even though so of those reason seem to make no sense to us, it doesn't mean that it is not hurting them inside to the point of not wanting to be here anymore. We have got to start taking time to get to know the people we associate and deal with. Step outside of our own comfort zones and be willing to do things we may not be use too. And on the flip side of that, we need to be willing to open up to people if we are having problems. God gave us friends for that reason. To be there for each other in times of need.

Please pray for James. I have no clue what all is going on in his life, but I know he is hurting and needs all the prayers we can give.

I love you all and until next time, Lord willing....

2011-10-06T09:26:00.000-04:00

I was baptized in December of 1986. At 13, I knew "exactly what I wanted in life" (HA!) and what it was going to take for me to get it. I was gonna graduate from high school, go to law school, get married and have 2.5 kids and oh yeah, go to heaven cause I did get baptized of course.

At 28, I had lost my mind. I thought I knew what I wanted, although through all the alcohol, it was a little blurred. I did graduate from high school, but trying to get through college now with three kids and no husband seemed like a lost cause and heaven, well.... I was only 28, so I had time to think about that .... later on.

"And so I insist—and God backs me up on this—that there be no going along with the crowd, the empty-headed, mindless crowd. They've refused for so long to deal with God that they've lost touch not only with God but with reality itself. They can't think straight anymore. Feeling no pain, they let themselves go in sexual obsession, addicted to every sort of perversion. But that's no life for you. You learned Christ! My assumption is that you have paid careful attention to him, been well instructed in the truth precisely as we have it in Jesus. Since, then, we do not have the excuse of ignorance, everything—and I do mean everything—connected with that old way of life has to go. It's rotten through and through. Get rid of it! And then take on an entirely new way of life—a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces his character in you." - Ephesians 4:17-24

Giving up a way of life that you are so use too is not always easy. People throw it up in your face more times than a few and honestly, it's easier to be the person PEOPLE want you to be and alot more fun. But if we are to truly grow in Christ, the way God wants us too, we have to make a conscience effort to leave the past just where it is. Don't beat yourself up about the woulda, coulda, shoulda's and don't let anyone else do it to you. I had to let go of alot of things and people associated with my past. And honestly, that was probably one of the hardest things I have ever done, but things are better now. Not perfect or without issues, but better.

Just some thoughts in my mixed up head.......

I pray you all have a great day and until next time, Lord willing.....

2011-09-23T10:53:00.001-04:00

Khaaliq is pretty mean when he does not eat for a long period of time. When he wakes up in the mornings, he doesn't want to talk, he doesn't want to smile, I actually think he would love it if he could just roll down the hall instead of walk. So after 4 or 5 yells of "GET UP KHAALIQ", he grumbles, gets up, and stomps down the hall straight to the kitchen. He grabs the first thing not moving that is some form of nourishment, and makes these really odd sounds at the kitchen table. Within a few minutes (food gone of course), he gets up, puts his dishes in the sink and starts talking. It's pretty much none stop talking from there too just fyi.....lol

Brianna cannot walk by a person standing on the outside of a store asking for money or food. It literally upsets her. I guess as adults, we are so jaded to the world because of this and that, that we can walk by and it not touch us in some kind of way. We were walking out of the BP station last week and a guy was asking for change and honestly, it really didn't phase me. I kept on walking but i noticed I didn't hear Bri behind me. She was digging in her pockets to see if she had change. She didn't so she ran up to the car, asked me to "look please in my purse for some". I kind of grumbled, but I looked and gave her all I had and she smiled and took it back to the man. When she got in the car, she said " I would feel bad when I got home drinking my green tea and eating my chips knowing he didn't have any".

And once again, my kids have made me think... how encouraged I am when I am filled up. How much simpler and better life is when I am not running on empty (or my belly is full, as in Khaaliq's case). It doesn't take much. A listening ear, a shoulder to cry on or even a smile or kind word. It's not always about money, but if you have a little extra, what harm would it do to buy someone lunch, ask them over for dinner or just drop off a bag of groceries "just because".

So my kids have challenged me in a few different ways. I could let alot of things fill me up..... anger, greed, jealousy, worries or I can choose to let positive things fill my thoughts and mind. I can encourage others in whatever way possible and if God puts an opportunity in front of me to help someone, then I will.

"Get along among yourselves, each of you doing your part. Our counsel is that you warn the freeloaders to get a move on. Gently encourage the stragglers, and reach out for the exhausted, pulling them to their feet. Be patient with each person, attentive to individual needs. And be careful that when you get on each others nerves you don't snap at each other. Look for the best in each other, and always do your best to bring it out." - I Thessalonians 5:13-15

I pray you all have a wonderful, wonderful, blessed weekend!! Until next time, Lord willing.....

2011-09-19T08:40:00.001-04:00

If any of you have me as a friend on Facebook, you saw this last night, but I had to share it again this morning....

I went to pick Brianna up early last night from work, so the boys and I decided to go in for a drink and wait. I went in and started talking to Bri and another of her co-workers and this guy (about 28 or so I guess) came from the kitchen basically yelling, but really excited. He looked at me and said " Is your last name Washington?" I said yes, thinking that he was going to ask about Brianna being my daughter but he said " your mom's name was Barbara?" I just kinda looked at him and thought, he must have been one of her students. (she was a Special Education teacher at Albany Middle) I said yes. Then he said you had a baby. I smiled and pointed at Bri and he said yeah, I remember her having two pigtails all the time... lol. Then he said " I was even at her funeral. It was at that church off of Gillionville." Again, I said yes. With that he kind of trotted to the back. So I sat down with Chris and Khaaliq thinking about my mom since he had kind of put her in my head. Then he came out and sat next to me in the booth. He said " Your mom was so sweet. She taught me how to read. She was the reason I passed middle school. She was really special." I held back tears and said thank you for that. And with that, he went back to work.

God gave my mom a gift. And she did just what He wanted her to do with it, she used it to serve others. She loved to teach and she LOVED her students. I was talking to a friend this morning and she said people may forget your face after a while, but they sure will remember if you help them. And 13 years later, he did.

I was again reminded about what Pam says " be blessed and be a blessing." I have been so guilty lately of worrying and thinking about me. What is going on with me. The problems I am having. When are things going to get better for me. I have been so consumed, that I have let many opportunities pass by to be a blessing to someone else. I have said before, its not about the money you spend, the stuff you have, it's just about showing God love to the people who need it.

I pray you all had a wonderful weekend and I hope that today is just as great! Until next time, "be a blessing".....

2011-09-12T09:59:00.000-04:00

Good Monday Morning loves!

I can remember being in middle and high school and being picked on alot. I guess that's what kids do. The thing with me was being overweight. I have never been a small person and I was also never short, so I heard it alot. Even from my brother, who got the tall part but not the weight. I can remember making myself sick so that I could call my mom and go home. Sometimes I still hear those words when I wanna work out or even if I am eating and that was over 20 years ago...

Last week, I said some really hurtful things to someone that I love very much. Honestly, I think the stuff I said was stuff I needed to say, but I sure didn't need it to come out like it did. I got angry and I let that anger get the best of me and my emotions, something I said I would never do again, but I did.

My son, who is not a small child himself, got in trouble at school last week for calling a little girl fat.

Yesterday, a conversation I had with some friends that came to town went kinda in left field. It's not that the things we were saying were wrong, but sometimes as parents, even though we mean well, kids don't understand and can get their feelings hurt.

A friend of mine got hurt yesterday by someone who thinks that just because you throw a "LOL" behind what you say will make it funny to everyone. It doesn't. And what makes it worse, is when other people around don't say anything or stand up for what is right...

Who ever said "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me"... lied.

Ephesians 4:29 - "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Everyday, whether we think about it or not, we are shaping and molding someone else's life by the words that we use with them. As Christians, we need to know when and IF to even speak, or if our task is to just listen. How will our words impact others...build them up or tear them down...

I pray this e-mail finds you all safe and sound. The weekend was really good, weather was beautiful.

Please remember to be praying for Mrs. Heath and Mrs. Daniels and their health and also for my friends who are still looking for job (Angie, Valerie, Pam, Darlene). Oh and don't forget our teens, Morgan and Brianna!! : )

I love you all bunches, and remember, "be a blessing" to someone.. it sure made my day last week!

2011-09-07T09:38:00.001-04:00

Last night I heard that a person I went to high school with had lost her son in an accident. He was on his way back from Florida with two of his best friends and they hit an ambulance head on. He and another guy were killed instantly. One was taken to the hospital in critical condition and the two ambulance workers were also listed in critical condition. This morning they said that the other best friend also passed away. My schoolmates son was 19. He had just graduated from basic training in San Antonio and was leaving for the Air Force soon. His long time girlfriend, is pregnant with his daughter. I watched the news clip again this morning and saw the sadness and pain and I realized that my problems didn't really seem so big anymore.

I pray for Daphne, her family and all the families that lost their child in this accident. I can't imagine what she is going through right now but I pray she knows that even through this, that their lives are and were not wasted, that God will never leave them or let them walk alone.

Continue to also pray for Mrs. Heath and Mrs. Daniels and their health, for my friends who are still job searching.. Angie, Darlene, Valerie, Pam.. for Morgan and Brianna.

Be blessed my friends and remember , be a blessing to someone. Today is not promised to any of us. There is no guarantee that we will live to be 80 or 90 years old, so make every moment count! Love ya and until next time, Lord willing....

2011-08-31T08:25:00.001-04:00

I went to Pearly's this morning and as I pulled up to the drive thru window, I heard a conversation between the two girls at the drive thru.

"Well, she was really rude to that guy. Said he didn't look right"

"Well, she shouldn't be like that towards anyone. How does she know that wasn't Jesus? And then what.. what would she say? You can't go by the way a person looks, you have to be nice to everyone."

And then she walked off to get my food. What a great lesson for the morning! I can't say I have been rude to someone who looks different but I have formed opinions based on looks and that's not right. We need to treat everyone the way we want to be treated. Jesus didn't pick and choose the people He wanted to be around. He went into all types of situations with all types of people. Who are we to think we are better than Christ? So the next time you pass someone who may not look, act or even smell the best, take a moment to be nice. It's pretty inexpensive and who knows, that person may be needing it. Remember... "be a blessing"...

Please remember in your prayers Mrs Heath (Charlene's mom) and her treatments but also that today is her 71st birthday!! Happy Birthday Momma Heath.... God is good!!!

Remember Ms. Daniels (Shauwan's mom). Shauwan just called me and said her mom's count was up to 77 which is the highest its been in a long time so thank you God for answered prayers!!!! Mr Aycock (Angie's dad), Valerie, Darlene, Angie (as they continue the job search), my friend Pam, who is also looking for a new job and like many of us, the stresses of life are trying to take over and just needs prayers to have the strength to make it through some tough situations. I miss you Pam!! My friend Quanda and her new baby boy, and Brianna and Morgan. I hope I didn't forget anyone.. if I did, I am so sorry, please respond and I will add it!

Until next time, Lord willing, "be blessed and be a blessing!!"

2011-08-30T09:06:00.003-04:00

Last week Chris was given a project. He had to "grow" some candy. Rock candy. Now I have eaten rock candy before (not good for your teeth mind you), but never knew how it was made. Three cups of sugar and one cup of boiling water, color optional. All I could think when we were stirring in that pot was, "well if it doesn't work, we can always go to the mall and buy one so at least it will show you tried!!"

So we mix, poured in a glass, covered, and just waited.

Day one... nothing.
Day two...I saw something, not sure what floating on top, but I was starting to make plans to head to the candy shop.
Day two and a half... I think we should change glasses cause something ain't right.
Day three...what is this I see, something on the bottom?? Sugar maybe, and it seems to actually be making its way on the stick too.
Day four...it sticks!!!!!
Day five... a full fledged rock candy stick!!!

Oh ME of little faith.....

As Christians, our desire should be to grow deeper and trust more in the Lord. But even though we try as hard as we can, our faith is weak and sometimes not stable. Some days we get a "hmmmmm maybe this will work" while later on that same day we get a " I am not going to make it!!". How long is it going to take us (and I am talking to myself too) to realize that we cannot outsmart God. Until we get the "junk" out of our lives, the things that hinder us from following God with our entire minds, bodies and souls, then we will never be able to grow like we need to. We are all going to have things that test us, and we need to make sure that our faith is strong enough to get us through those times.

I pray you all had a great Monday. Until next time, "be blessed and be a blessing" to someone!

iPod Touch

2011-08-29T08:33:00.000-04:00

Khaaliq turns 10 on September 5th. My baby is no longer a baby, he's growing up. But along with the growing up comes bigger "wish lists" for birthdays and other holidays. This one is no different.

The boys spent the weekend with their dad but he brought them back this morning to get ready for school. I laid their clothes out and hopped in the shower myself. When I got out, I found the attached two letters on my bed....

Now I get this all the time from them. The boys anyway. They never come out and ASK me for anything, I just get notes strategically placed around the house. I laughed and finished getting dressed. Khaaliq will be 10 and I love his dimpled cheeks to pieces but he is too young (in my house anyway) for an iPod touch. One, it's an expensive gift and he's not the best with taking care of his things and two, his sister got hers when she was 13 so I kinda like to keep them on the same track with stuff like that. So I will come up with another gift for my baby, something I know he will love, but have to deal the look of disappointment which really breaks my heart.

Matthew 7:7 says " Ask, and it shall be given unto you...", but we all know as adults, that sometimes when we ask God for things, we don't always get what we want. God knows what's best for us even though we seem to think we have all the answers for our lives. Sometimes we ask and it may take minutes, hours, days or even years to get an answer. That's the patience thing I always have a hard time with. But even with that, I feel like God is prepping us for something that is so wonderful, that what we asked for will seem like nothing. And sometimes, well, it's just not meant to be, period. And those are the times that make us sit back and wonder if God really is even listening to us, because after all, He DOES want us happy right?

I've been praying and thinking about some things lately and I haven't gotten my answer yet.. well at least I don't think I have (still trying to figure that one out too), but I know that one way or the other, God will show me the way. He always does.... and on the 5th, when Khaaliq wakes up for his birthday and the iPod is not there...well, lets hope that he understands that good things come to those that wait.

I pray you all had a wonderful weekend. I actually got nothing done that I planned and that bummed me out, but I'm okay now. Just have more to do next weekend is all!

Please keep in your prayers Mrs. Heath (Charlene), Mrs Daniels (Shauwan), who did get to go home and be at her granddaughter's 1st birthday party, Mr. Aycock (Angie's dad), Valerie, Darlene and Angie as they are looking for jobs, Quanda and her new baby boy, Brianna and Morgan (Valerie's daughter) because high school and being a teenager are not as easy as it was when we were growing up, and everyone who was effected by the storms this past weekend.

Even if we don't get everything we want, we have more than we need...we are a blessed people. Act like it!!

Until next time, Lord willing....

2011-08-25T10:30:00.001-04:00

So I have been talking with a friend this morning about life and how it is stressing me right now. How sometimes you have to find the little things that make getting out of bed worthwhile even when you don't want too. How you can't take on everyone else's problems even though you have the best of intentions because you want to help them (some people are beyond help I think) cause you really need to deal with your own stuff and seems like no one is ever around for THAT conversation. And then as I hit "send" on my whine to her, I hit my in box and this was there....

Find the Giggle
by Marilyn Meberg

"I love to laugh. I believe a giggle is always loitering about even in the most devastating of circumstances. I make a point of shuffling through the rubble in search of that giggle.
This isn’t denial. I need to feel and express my pain. But I also need to find the light side—and there is always a light side! I’ve noticed that when I laugh about some minor part of a problem or controversy or worry, the whole situation suddenly seems much less negative to me. After a good laugh, I can then rethink my circumstances. As a result, that which was threatening may now seem less threatening."

Marilyn Meberg is a Women of Faith speaker and one of the reason I hate I am going to miss going again this year. Trying to find the calm, the light in a situation, the giggle... well, let's just say it is not the first thing on my mind when I have problems. I'd much rather sulk, whine and lock myself up from the world around me... except, I gotta come out, or the kids will come in! lol

So I stopped, said a prayer to myself and really vowed to have a good day. A positive day even if I don't really want too. To realize that yeah, my situation my not be a fun one for me right now, but there really are alot of people who have it a whole lot worse. God is good in ALL situations, even the ones we raise our eyebrows at.

I pray that whatever you all are going through, whether people know or not, that you too find the giggle in it...

Until next time... "Be blessed and be a blessing!"

2011-08-18T09:24:00.001-04:00

After I dropped Christian off this morning at school, I was headed to work and got stopped by a traffic light. As I was waiting for the green light I looked over and noticed a man on a payphone. I also noticed that in all the cars around me, the people sitting in them were looking at him too. Now first of all, I didn't even know p[payphones still existed and second, why would you want to use one anyway.. germs and all. The man was probably in his mid to late 50's, and I assume was driving the truck parked next to the payphone, a city work truck. And I couldn't help but say to myself.. now he is driving a work truck so he has a job, why in the world does he not have a cell phone. But it didn't seen to bother him, as he talked and actually was leaning on the phone laughing. I drove on as the light turned green shaking my head in disbelief.

Then I got to work, and I was still thinking about that man. I mean I felt sorry for him. I had just had a conversation a week ago with Tony about the new iPhone 5 coming out and how I KNEW he was getting it even though he already have the iPhone 4 and how although I have a Droid X, I sure could "USE" a Droid 3... cause it's faster ya know.....

The world encourages us to be materialistic you know. You have to always have bigger, better and faster just to keep up with the times. And we don't even have to pay cash for them right then. We have credit cards and even buy now pay later. It's all so convenient. and never once do we stop to think about how much we don't really NEED all this stuff, how life can be so much simpler and how much debt we could not be dealing with if we had just been satisfied with what God provided for us.

"Don't be obsessed with getting more material things. Be relaxed with what you have. Since God assured us, "I'll never let you down, never walk off and leave you," we can boldly quote, God is there, ready to help; I'm fearless no matter what.Who or what can get to me." - Hebrews 13:5 (Message)

I have no clue if that man on that payphone had a cell phone or not, or even if he was a Christian but I am thinking that he may have the right idea. and the idea that Christians should have. Wanting to have nice things is okay, there is nothing wrong with it I don't think, but when it keeps you away from God, when you are so consumed with getting the latest and greatest and can't wait to show it off, it won't be long before we lose sight of God's word and then what kind of message is that going to send to the world around us.

I pray you are all having a blessed week! Please keep Ms Daniels in your prayers. Shauwan text me this morning and said her mom's count was really low and she is going to 4 treatments a day. Also for Ms Heath and her cancer treatments.

Until next time, Lord willing.... I Love you all

2011-08-16T09:43:00.000-04:00

The mornings in my house during school, no matter how organized we try to be, tends to be a bit crazy. Three kids, three different schools and things going on, everyone in the bathroom at the same time, (praise God I have my own bathroom..lol). And every morning like clockwork, the last question I ask is " Check your bags, do you have everything you need?"

This morning on top of the normal rush, we had to make a Wal-mart run. So we all get up and hour early, and get ready to go out the door. I ask my questions, "Do you all have everything, heck now!?" I get back a resounding YES from them all and off we go. After the Wal Mart run, I take the youngest to school first. Then its off to Robert Cross, with 15 mins to spare. Traffic is crazy by now and we are kinda singing w/ the radio. I am on Westover now, right by the high school and I hear " Momma I left my notebook on the counter" UGHHHHHHHHHHHHH I am HOT now! And I know what you are thinking.. make him suffer, don't go get it. But this notebook has ALL his classwork, homework, everything in it, I do NOT want him to make zeros cause that would be another butt beating in addition to the one he is about to get for even leaving the notebook in the first place. So I whip around and all I can hear Brianna say is " get your butt muscles in order" and I am fussing the whole way home.

"You gotta use your time better". "This is why I tell you to get all your stuff at night together so you won't leave any of it." "You're gonna learn." " I don't have time for this this morning." and on and on.... I think he got the hint by the time we got back to the house and if he didn't, well, I hope he works on them muscles like Brianna said cause he was tardy for class and that would be a day of detention.

"Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise,making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil." - Ephesians 5:15-16 (NIV)

It's very true that in my house, there is ALWAYS something going on. We are up before the sun and normally don't even make it home until the moon is up most days, but I (as we all are) are still accountable to God for the time we spend and how we spend it. We need to be aware of HOW we use our time, WHAT we use our time on and are these things pleasing to God because one day, we will answer for it.

I pray you all have a wonderful Tuesday. Softball has started and we have a game today.. GO SQUAWS!!!

Please keep in mine the people we have on our prayer list:

Ms. Heath
Ms. Daniels
Brianna (and me please)
Darlene
and also, I got a call this morning from my cousin and I have three cousins who are having surgeries tomorrow here in town. Two found lumps and they are doing biopsies to remove the tissue and see if it's cancer, and I am not sure what the other surgery is but please be praying for them. Their names are Cathy, Antria, and Denise.

Have a good Tuesday and remember " be blessed and be a blessing".

Making the most out of bad stuff...

2011-08-12T09:30:00.001-04:00

Khaaliq, my youngest got a spanking last week. I don't even remember for what because he gets them so frequently, but nevertheless, he got it. I noticed that even though I did my normal spanking routine.. explained why he was getting it, told him that this did not mean I didn't love him, and held back my own tears (cause yeah, I hate to do it), he really didn't cry like normal. I just chalked that one up to him getting tougher and realizing that maybe I have to change up my tactics some.

This morning, my ex husband came to pick the boys up as usual and decided to take Khaaliq to school first and come back to get Chris because he was not ready. When he came back he and Chris were at the table and he said " Did Christian tell you what Khaaliq said?" I always hold my breath when people ask me that question because you never know WHAT will come out of his mouth but I said " No". They both die laughing and said the last time you gave Khaaliq a spanking did you notice he didn't cry much? Yeah, I guess, why? "Well," he said, " Khaaliq said when you went to get the belt, he rushed to put on four pair of his boxer shorts under his shorts so he wouldn't feel it and then he said he kind of made his bottom go up in the air to make sure you would hit it instead of his legs"

All I could do was laugh... the things we do to make our situations better.

When you are dealing with situations that you really don't want to deal with, we try to make the best of it. If your attitude is automatically negative, then guess what, the situation will not be good. Being upset and angry, finding someone who will sulk with is is not right and does not please God. But if we choose to change our attitudes and our actions to the situation, we can actually find something positive in the whole thing and maybe learn from the situation.

Aww what a fun way to start my Friday off. I pray you all have a blessed and happy weekend. Stay safe and please remember Mrs. Heath, Mrs Daniels, Brianna (and me), and Darlene in your prayers this weekend.

Love you all and until next time, Lord willing.... "be blessed and be a blessing"

oh and by the way.... I'll be checking for extra undies on the next spanking! : )

"I am not my hair...."

2011-08-09T11:04:00.000-04:00

In a few weeks, I am cutting my hair off. Pretty much all of it. I have a relaxer in my hair and for my friends who don't understand the process of a relaxer on black hair (I love y'all...**MUAHHH**), the relaxer straightens my hair. Makes it bouncy and stuff, but a while ago, I had a natural. No relaxer, no chemicals, it was more of an Afro and I loved it. I could kick myself for ever getting rid of it. So anyway, I want it back but in order to get the big Afro back, it's gotta start out kind of little. So I spent the last few weeks "prepping" some folks for this chop. I told Tony and the kids and I got this look of disgust. They like it long. Told a few friends and I got mixed reviews... some are like " ohhh cute, I loved it like that" and some " ahhhhh, you're gonna look like a boy." Maybe, except with jewelry and a little lipstick. But never the less.. it's getting cut.

Then I started thinking this morning, why do I care what people think about my hair? Having it long or short, straight or kinky does not change me, the person inside. So why am I so concerned about their reactions? ...Because in the world we live in, we have been programmed to do things to be accepted, and almost at any cost.

And sadly even sometimes in church, we are programmed the same way. We have to have the biggest building because that will surly make more people come, we have to drive the best cars because they know we "have something" then, wear the most popular name brand, have the best sound systems and choirs or praise teams in town so we can get invited to other places..... the list goes on and on. No one wants to be rejected or hurt, laughed and talked about, so we conform to the things around us to "fit in" and make it seems like we are the same as everyone else.

I read this in a devotion a few days ago:

"The challenge of being true to who we are- realization that no one else's skin will really fit on our body- the inner knowing that we are loved by God and others for who we are. Could a God who knows all really be satisfied with relationship with us when we are less than true to who He created us to be? Could He deeply interact with us when we try to relate to Him through our facades? He, after all, is the One who really knows we are faking it."

Maybe this doesn't make sense to some of you, but it did to me. To really be in Christ deeply, to know Him and be about His business, we have to be that unique person God created. If God wanted us all alike, same clothes, same hair, same goals, same abilities, then guess what, He would have done that back in the Garden. But He didn't. He wants us to use the gifts He gave us, our very own uniqueness I guess to further us and other in His kingdom.

I pray you all have a wonderful, peaceful day. Until next time... Lord willing.. and oh.. P.S. -- I'm not stressing the hair anymore, it will grow back... :)

2011-08-08T09:34:00.000-04:00

So the first week of school is over and after only one breakdown over 6th grade Language Arts homework (and that was me and not Christian) we managed to make it through the week. It's been a while since I had a middle schooler, and well, let me just say, I see alot of communication between me and the teacher so I can keep up!

Have you ever had one of those days where you knew something was going on. You had a gut feeling but you really couldn't put your finger on it. Like you should be remembering something but you have no clue what it is. I was like that all last week. I honestly had no clue and with school starting, it didn't much matter anyway. And then my brother text me....

" It's a sad day"

And then it hit me, hard. I know I have said this for the past few years, but it really is true. It had been 13 years this past Friday that my mom passed away and I didn't remember until he sent me that message. Some kind of mental block I guess. I figure it keeps the pain and stress out that way. But I knew something was going on, in my gut. So that pretty much took care of my weekend. I never talked to my brother this weekend, only text, because I knew if I did, both of us wouldn't be getting too much done. So I did like I always do.... stayed home, cried a little, thought alot and wrote.

I thought about how I REALLY needed her Thursday night with that middle school work cause I knew she would know just want to do. Thought about ho she would be beaming ear to ear knowing that Brianna had her first job. Thought about how Khaaliq probably would have her wrapped around his finger like he does me. Thought about those days that we would just go to the mall and walk. Window shopping mostly, maybe having a iced coffee from Books A Million and just talking. She just knew how to take the stress away. I miss that most. So I went and got some flowers... I haven't been able to take them just yet, but I will... this week.

What can I say.... it never goes away but with God's help, I seem to push through.
John 14 :27 (NIV) "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

I pray you all had a wonderful weekend. Remember folks, "be blessed and be a blessing" always! Until next time, Lord willing...

JOY last! (Jesus, Others, Yourself last)

2011-08-04T12:14:00.001-04:00

So I read this article on Yahoo Sports this morning:

http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/blog/shutdown_corner/post/Steelers-coach-sells-Mercedes-to-team-cafeteria-?urn=nfl-wp4503

My first thought was , WOW what a nice guy to give this man his car like that. But then as I looked over the article again, I read that the coach asked the guy could he borrow whatever money he had in his packet and the guy reached in and handed him a 20. Now, I am not in Mr. Horton's checkbook, but as a coach for a national league football team, driving a Mercedes, I would imagine money is not an issue for him. I would also assume, that the two men led very different lifestyles, but again, I do not know this for sure. But what I do know and read was that Mr. Matthews didn't even think twice about giving this guy whatever money he had on him. And I thought, WOW, to have that kind of giving heart.

He was getting ready to bless someone and turns out, he got blessed as well. I know all stories won't and don't turn out like this one, but I can definitely see Christ in Mr Matthews actions!

I pray you all have a wonderful and blessed weekend. Today is my Friday and I am off tomorrow, thank you Lord!

Please don't forget Mrs. Heath. Mrs Daniels, Brianna, and me in your prayers. Also add my friend Darlene. Her family is about to go through a "shift" I guess you could say thanks to (once again, sighhh) our economy and she could just use some positive prayers.

Love you all bunches and until next time, Lord willing...

2011-08-02T08:46:00.001-04:00

I talked with a friend of mine this past weekend and she had some pretty upsetting news. And although she had come to a certain peace about the situation, it was still not a good one to be in. I have two friends that are dealing with some major stress with their moms being very ill. On top of just everyday living and life, the possible thought of a parent not being here, well it's pretty devastating. I went to the funeral of a friend a few weeks ago. He was m age and I bet his parents never thought they would have to bury their son. It's just not suppose to work that way in our eyes.

So it got me to thinking.

James 5:13-16 (The Message) - "Are you hurting? Pray. Do you feel great? Sing. Are you sick? Call the church leaders together to pray and anoint you with oil in the name of the Master. Believing-prayer will heal you, and Jesus will put you on your feet. And if you've sinned, you'll be forgiven—healed inside and out. Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed. The prayer of a person living right with God is something powerful to be reckoned with."

And that last verse.... "the prayer of a person living right with God is something POWERFUL to be reckoned with!!" We have to be in constant prayer and communication with God. There is so much going on in the world around us and sometimes, well for me anyway, I can barely think straight much less try to talk to God and ask for help. So why not pray for each other. But not just pray for each other, do it by name. Most of you don't know each other, but I figure since we have been communicating this long and are still here, well God must have done that for a reason. So, if the feeling hits you and it doesn't make you too uncomfortable... if you ever need specific prayers, just reply all to any of my e-mails and we got you!! We have to get to a point (myself included) where we don't let our own selfish pride get in the way of having a better more productive life in Christ.

So, being as these people have replied before, I know I can go ahead and add these to our list:

Ms. Jesse Daniels (Shauwan's mom) -- please be praying that the doctors get her medicines tweaked right so that her plasma/blood count stays up and that she feels better. I talked to her last week and she actually sounded great but I need for her to stay that way! And pray for Shauwan (and her brother).... me and her have been through alot together and I know although strong in faith, it's a really scary situation to watch her mom go through this.

Mrs. Zenobia Heath (Charlene's mom) - a few months ago I guess it has been, they found cancer and she started her chemo treatments. Last week she had a heart attack that had her in the hospital for a week. Please pray for comfort and peace for Mrs Heath. Again, watching a parent suffer, whewww.... there are just no words, honestly, but God is good in all situations and this one is no different. Please pray for Charlene too.. I think the back and forth to the hospital caught up with her and she got a little sick too last week.

Brianna (that's my baby) ... just that she makes wise and smart decisions. When I was growing up, things were VERY different than they are now. Pressures and things kids get into are not what I even thought about so we tend to clash on those. But she's a smart girl, talented beyond anything I ever did so I know it's there .. I just need her to see it too! And of course me. Honestly, there are still days when I just don't even want to get out of bed. It's easier that way. The economy, every time I think about it, it makes my head swell. Just pray that God continues (as I pray He will) to allow me to be able to just take care of my kids and the things they need. Help keep my attitude positive even though sometimes I wanna scream and help me stay focused on the things that need to be done.

So that's my list. You'll probably see those names alot, just without all the details each time. And really, it doesn't take that long, it doesn't have to be fancy because God doesn't work like that... but just pray! "The prayer of a person living right with God is something POWERFUL to be reckoned with."

I love you all bunches.. have a wonderful Tuesday and as always, "be blessed and be a blessing!!"

2011-08-01T09:01:00.001-04:00

Today was the first day of school for our school system. I was all pumped up, so ready for them to go back because I cannot tell you how much my food and utility bills go up during the summer, among other things. Plus I can get back to some form of routine.

So this morning I got up early and cooked breakfast and decided to take all three of the kids to school this morning. (They are for the first time in three different schools). First Khaaliq. He's in the 4th grade but still wanted momma to walk him in. So of course I did, and he was a big boy about. Brianna who is in the 11th grade this year, does not need me to walk in and directed me to drop her off at the side door cause she has some kind of "swagg" she needs to show off. Whatever.

Then there is Christian. He is in the 6th grade this year. Middle School and well, I think I was more emotional then he was. He wanted me to go in with him, but then he didn't. So I went in anyway, and walked down the hall with him. I felt the lump forming but I held it in. We got to the class and he just slid in and disappeared. I stood there a minute, not really sure if he was gonna come back out and say hi, or bye or anything. But nothing. So I slinked back down the hall. I saw a teacher there that I actually had when I went there in Middle School and she gave me a hug and just said " I know I know, its gonna be okay" and she just kinda laughed at me. I walked out of the school and came to work.

I Chronicles 28:20 - "David also said to Solomon his son, “Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the LORD is finished."

Christian is growing up and letting go, as much as I talk about wanting my house all to myself one day, is not always easy to do. I want to protect them from all the things I know that go on in middle school since I have had one that has been through it. I want to sit with him and make sure he makes the right decisions. But like David told his son Solomon, don't worry about it, be strong cause God is right there with you, He's right there with Christian too and all I can do is pray that all the teachings he has learned thus far, stick with him throughout his middle school (and beyond) years. I don't have to worry or cry (although I did a LITTLE), cause as long as he's got God on his side, he is going to be OK.

But just FYI---- I am secretly waiting until 3:15 when he calls me to tell me how it goes!! : )

I pray you all had a great weekend! and until next time, Lord willing, we will talk again. Until then, "be blessed and be a blessing"!!

2011-07-20T09:16:00.000-04:00

So I started exercising again. It's been a week now. And I have been trying my best to eat right, but that part takes some time I guess. and it has been good. I have felt good, been sleeping good (probably from being tired) and I know that in time, it will all pay off if I stick to it.

And then I woke up this morning, opened my closet and just stood there a good 10 minutes I know as I proceeded to take out clothes and throw them to the side because they didn't fit, it didn't look right, my STOMACH, UGHHHHHH, too little, too big. And I realized that the whole "it will pay off in time, if I stick to it" was something I wanted right NOW and not in time.

I hate waiting. I like to be able to handle issues and do the stuff I need to do right when it happens. No need in dragging things out. I can't tell you how many times I have prayed to the Lord for Him to give me the answers I need. Of course when I prayed to Him, I wasn't expecting it to take years to get an answer, I kind of wanted it right then. It would have made things a whole lot easier for me I tell ya. But then I wonder if He really HAS answered me and I have so much going on or just don't like the answer I got, and wait for something else. In Psalms it says " I took my troubles to God and He answered."

God really does have plan and purpose for all of our lives and sometimes the things we want, may not be in those plans. God answers our prayers, not always in the way we would like for Him too, in His own and perfect time, which I have told people before, is not necessarily our time frame. We just have to really be still and listen.

I struggle with weight but honestly, I have never prayed about losing weight, or exercising or anything like that. I do however, think it's very important to God that my body is healthy. Now, does that mean I give up McDonald's fries or have to be a perfect size 6... ahhhhhh NOOO so don't look for me to, but I do realize that in order for me to be the best I can be in God's kingdom, all aspects of my life have to be in order. Not just the ones I pick and choose.

I want it now though. I don't want to have to do the work that goes into making all of this happen, but as with anything else in our lives, everything in it's own time and season and for a reason. I just pray God gives me the patience and guidance I need to win this fight too!

Babbling... that's how my brain feels this morning but oh well. : )

I pray you all have had a really great week so far and that it continues. Shauwan's mom is home from the hospital but still has more treatments to take so she will be coming back and forth to the hospital to take those so keep praying! God is listening!! Be blessed everyone and make sure you are passing those blessing along to someone else! Love ya and until next time, Lord willing...

2011-07-18T11:06:00.000-04:00

I have always been the type of person who had alot of "friends". Tony is the complete opposite of me. He has a few friends but is really cautious about who he lets in his life, for whatever reason. As I have gotten older though, I realize that not all these people are what I would call true friends. I mean sure, they make me laugh, but do they really love me enough to share with me what God has done for them and vice versa. Are they the kind of friends that are helping me grow in my daily walk with Christ or are they just there so I can say I have 900 "friends" on Facebook?

Things really kind of hit home for me this past weekend. I went to two funerals, one of which was a friend of mine that I worked with. Jeff was a great guy and I really mean that. There is not a soul that can say a negative word about him, not one. But honestly, even after working with him, I have no idea where he was with God. I heard the people talking about him at his funeral and from that I got that he loved God and they knew he was with Jesus now. And that's a good thing, I just never knew it.

I am doing a ladies Bible class at church and I cannot tell you how good that's been for me. And to be quite honest, it's not just about the study. It's about my friends, who pray for and with me, my friends who care if I am making the right choices, my friends who know by the tone of my voice or the look on my face that something is wrong. And its not just to get the latest gossip, it's because they care and want me to be the best I can be for God.

Ephesians 4:16: From him [Christ] the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.

Again, I am reminded of what Pam always says, " be blessed and BE A BLESSING". So many times we forget that last part cause we want what we want and tend to forget about the rest of the world. It's not always about giving someone something they can touch, but blessing them with God's word and His love. I thank God for my friends, I really do. They are a true blessing to me and I am not even sure they know it!

I pray for Jeff's family. Death is hard enough, but for a mother to lose a child... I can't imagine. I pray for my friend Shauwan and her mom. They found out that Mrs. Daniels has a rare blood disease that was causing her plasma to basically kill her. Thank GOD they caught it in time and are doing a transfusion as we speak. I saw her Saturday and she was feeling much better. I pray for Charlene's mom, Mrs Heath. She started Chemo and as expected, has good and bad days.

It's been a long weekend. But through it all, God is good. Until next time, be a blessing for someone!

2011-07-13T11:47:00.000-04:00

Hey ladies!

I apologize for not writing this week. I have been doing the taxi cab thing for my daughter. She actually got her very first job and starts tonight. So between getting work permits, finding works shoes and her just being a teenager, I have been running like crazy. She is excited. I am excited. It's not like she will be a millionaire from Burger King, but she is about to learn some valuable lessons and she has no idea that it's even coming. She thinks this is going to be a cake walk. The reality of still keeping a B or above average in all of her classes, playing three sports, still having to do her stuff around the house and now a job on top of it... well, lets just say, I think some of my fussing and yelling over the years is about to kick into full force. Say a prayer for her.. she starts tonight AFTER softball practice.. haha!

I love you all and no doubt, this work thing is going to make for some GREAT blogs in the future!!! "Be blessed and be a blessing."

2011-07-11T09:20:00.001-04:00

I would say that this past weekend went down in the books as one that was not so good. From the start, it was one drama, one issue after another and I do not do well with
that at all. I think the only time I moved Saturday was to get up and go to the bathroom, and to go talk to my mom and dad for about an hour. My kids, praise God, are old enough to be pretty self sufficient so the cooking, and stuff of that nature, I don't have to worry about if they really need something. Although they stayed under me the entire time I was laying down anyway.

Depression... it's not something I would wish on my worst enemy. And the thing about it is for a long time, you truck along without a care in the world, and then, Satan, well, I guess he gets tired of the fact that you have seemingly no problems so he throws a monkey wrench in everything. So when I got up Sunday morning to get ready for church, honestly I didn't want to go, but I knew once I got there, I would probably be OK. And how right I was.

I love how when God's people get together, things just "happen". Romans 1:12 -
"that is, that we may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith, both yours and mine." From the moment I walked in the door, all the stress and worries went away, literally. I got hugs, kisses from the children there, compliments, and more importantly, encouragement from my Christian family which is what God expects from all of us. And for that I say Thank you! You were and are truly my blessing!

I hope that the weekend for all of you went well. We got some much needed rain and that was NICE! I love you all, and until next time, "be blessed and be a blessing!"

Prayer....

2011-07-06T08:38:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was kind of an emotional day for anyone who has been keeping up with the Casey Anthony case. I would say emotions were running kind of high as the court read the NOT GUILTY verdict for the death/murder of her 2 year old child. And I get it, I'm kinda smart actually... burden of proof and all that ya ya....blah blah blah. But she did it and it really didn't and still doesn't seem fair to wake up this morning knowing that after she gets MAYBE a year of two (probably time served) for lying to the police (which also doesn't make much sense), after her books and movies come out and she becomes RICH off of America, that she gets to walk a free woman.

But then as I settled down some, I realized, she is not really free. If in fact she did kill her daughter, her final judge will take care of it. THEN, after I thought about that, I thought about something else.... who am I to judge. I mean really? As awful, as sick and demonic as her crime was..... it really is no worse than any other sin that God talks about. I had to wrap my mind last night around the fact that when I lie, when I use the Lord's name in vain, when I have too much to drink and become drunk, God is not pleased. That there is no where in the Bible that says that one sin is worse than another... and I looked it up last night for a long time cause I was honestly trying to find an OUT for me... but nope, not a one.

And then I realized that, as much as it pains me and Lord knows it does, we gotta pray for Casey too. See, Caylee Anthony is already with our Father, I believe that. No fears, no pains, nothing. But Casey, well, like all of us, needs all the prayers she can get. Even the thief on the cross next to Jesus confessed and asked Jesus to remember him and He did. We set limitations in our minds on sins, the magnitude of them and how WE think they need to be judged, when all along, the Bible only says repent and forgive and that goes for us and Casey. I honestly am going to have to pray hard on this one, I really am cause all I see is a child being hurt, but I know our God is a good God and that He works through every situation under the sun, including this one.

Ahhhh, life... just when I think I have it all figured out.....

There is power in prayer though. I believe that. I have said it over and over. And even sometimes when I am so broken and can't pray for myself, I feel when my friends are doing it for me. God is awesome like that!

This morning, one of my high school classmates needs that prayer. Her name is Charlene and her mom, Zenobia is having her first round of Chemo treatment this morning at 9:15. These treatments are not going to be easy and will probably drain Ms. Zenobia for a while, but I know and believe that God still works miracles today. And there is NOTHING that He can't do. So I am asking that we have a mass prayer this morning. Pray for Ms. Zenobia that the treatments go as smoothly as possible for her w/ little to no side effects, for Charlene and her brothers..... that God keep them strong for their mother and each other.

2011-07-05T08:31:00.001-04:00

Good morning everyone! I have to get back into the swing of writing again after being off for the 4th of July! It seems that all my friends went off to the beach without me, but no worries, a good time as still had by my family and me here in Albany. The weather was wonderful!

I pray that you all had a safe and wonderful holiday!

Tomorrow, I will be back on my game. Love you all much and until then... "be a blessing" to someone today!!!

Be a blessing!

2011-06-30T10:22:00.000-04:00

A few weeks ago I was taking Brianna and her best friend to basketball practice when we stopped at a store to get her a drink. As she came back out, I noticed 2 men coming out behind her. As she got to the car, the men walk on the side of my car, Brianna stood there and watched them, and finally got into the car. She started telling me that she needed .50 to give to this woman who was standing behind my truck (I never saw her even walk up) and that the 2 guys had given her their change and she needed some to give to the lady. That she told them she had just gotten out of the hospital and she needed some change (for what I have no clue). So I gave her the change I had and her and her best friend got out and gave the woman the money.

As far as that woman goes, she could very well have lied. Who knows, but I was really proud of Brianna for wanting to help someone. The Bible tells us over and over how we are to serve others, help those in need. It was the example that Jesus himself showed everyone. It is not for us to judge what a person will do with the help we give them. God didn't have that as a stipulation in the Bible when He commanded us to help only to "do unto others". And it's not just the people on the streets asking for money. I would be willing to bet that we all come in contact with people everyday that are in need of something. Doesn't have to be money, could be someone in need of a listening ear. But in order to figure all of that out, we have to be willing to put ourselves out there and maybe even in some uncomfortable situations. For those that are blessed enough to have more than what we call basic needs, for those that are good listeners, for those that can fix things or just have a car to take someone to the doctor, we should be more than willing to share what God has so blessed us with. Like i have said before, my friend Pam says " be blessed AND be a blessing" and I think that so many times we get alot of the first part of that and not so much of the second.....

I love you all bunches. I get a long weekend this week (4 days) and I am SO ready for it. Not doing much of anything, but even that is a good thing! Until next time, Lord willing....

Ordinary People

2011-06-29T09:52:00.001-04:00

In my Lifegroup at church, we have been studying a book called Judges. Not a book of the Bible that I just run to for reading but it has been very interesting. Interesting in the sense because it talks about how God used ordinary people to do some pretty extra ordinary things. The one this past week was Samson. We all know the story of Samson... long hair, kills a lion with his bare hands and ended up killing alot of Philistines in the process. But he was also just an ordinary man, who had ordinary problems the entire time, including sleeping with a prostitute.

What about David. A man after God's own heart. A king. But he had his problems too... remember Bathsheba and her husband who got put on the front lines so that David could hide his sin??

And my favorite, Saul. Probably killed more Christians than anyone in the Bible. But God even used him, changed his name to Paul and he ended up writing a majority of the books of the New Testament.

The world seems to be so impressed with money, power, looks, status, and sadly, even the church sometimes. But God, could care less about those things. He looks and uses something that most of us don't even think about... He looks at the heart of the person and how they can accomplish the works He has given.He is looking for simple, plain, not flashy, ordinary people who want nothing more than to glorify Him. And please hear me when I say that people who have money and power and all that other stuff can still be used by God, I have seen that for myself, but since the world is not overrun by these people, doesn't it seem obvious that somehow, someway, God will find another way to get His message out?

I Corinthians 1:27-29 - "But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him."

We need to start looking at ourselves the way God sees us. Forget what we think we CAN'T do and trust God to work in our lives. Easier said than done I know but I figure, Hey, it hasn't really been working my way and as the saying goes, if you keep doing what you always did, you will get the same results you always got". So why not try something new today? Never know how many lives you'll change in the process.....

I pray you are all doing well. Half the work week is over AND we have a long weekend. Life is good. Until next time my friends, "be blessed and be a blessing" to someone. Love ya!

Right or Left?

2011-06-28T09:22:00.000-04:00

Last night I posted a comment on Facebook: "Do you ever wonder maybe if you took a left turn instead of a right, you could be someone different?"

It wasn't meant to sound like I didn't like my life or that I thought I had taken some wrong path. I actually think that right and left could be right or wrong, depending on the person. Our decisions and choices shape who we are and we learn from them, either way. But then I think... those same choices, good and/or bad, also are creating our future, because those choices will determine whether we go to heaven or hell. And in the United States, we are especially proud that we have the "right to choose" but rarely do people think about the consequences of these actions and choices.

My daughter told me the other day that she really didn't know what she believed or what she should do, so she just decided to "do something" and that something happens to not be good. But trying to explain that even the choices you are making today will effect you in 10, 15 or 20 years, well... let's just say, I am still trying to explain, and not from what I read or heard, but from what I know.

The Bible says "to overcome evil with good" and the way to do this is making a effort to change our thoughts and actions to positive one. Really ask, WWJD??? And then do it. Ask God to allow the Spirit to move in our lives, to guide us in the right direction so that our future will be secure with Him.

I pray you all have a great day. I had a bit of insomnia last night. I think I finally laid down around 3:00AM so I pray that I don't pay for it today! I love you all and until next time, "be blessed and be a blessing"!

2011-06-27T09:28:00.001-04:00

My sons went this past week on their first tubing trip in Florida down the Ichetucknee River. I have never been there myself, but normally the church takes the kids every year so I felt pretty safe about them going even though I have this major fear of water. Khaaliq can swim a little and Chris, well he takes after me in that fear of water thing. BUT, they both wanted to go. Up until the day of the trip I got asked a million and one questions, some of which I did not know the answer to so I suggested that they both get life jackets when they got there. Once they got there, I think from what I heard, the trip started off really good and then it started to rain. Hard enough that the rain drop hurt when they touched skin and I think maybe there was a little thunder and lightening too. NOW, if you have ever heard me talk about my boys, you know they are afraid of lightening and Chris, well every time it rains, he thinks a tornado is coming. At this point, what can you do in the middle of a river in the rain? PADDLE, which is something that my boys did NOT want to do. So through the crying, tears and help from others there, they made it down the river safely and even asked me when they got home if they could go again next year.

My boys, and the some of other kids on trip were really afraid of what they thought would happen once it started raining. So much so that for a few of them, it paralyzed them to the point of not even moving in the water and someone else having to push them down the river.

Satan's mission is to steal, kill and destroy us. And that is what fear does to us. Fear makes us doubt our decisions and makes us uncertain about everything we do. And when we allow fear to creep into our thoughts and lives, we will miss out on what God really wants for us and wants us to do. 2 Timothy 1:7 says "For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline."

God is not a God of fear, but a God of love, self control and peace. When we ask Him to help us, we can't do it with doubt in our hearts and be double minded, that's what Satan wants. And like my sons, I have also been in a state of fear. I think that sometimes when God shows us what it is He really wants us to do, we come up with all kinds of excuses as to why we really can't do it. Even to the point of telling ourselves that God must have that one wrong because I know that can't be done. When do we wake up and actually start believing what we are telling everyone else. That God really IS in control and no matter where He leads me, I am going to follow because we know He is with us.

I pray that you all have been well and that you are enjoying your summer vacations. Until next time, Lord willing, love you and be a blessing!!

Sighh

2011-05-26T09:14:00.000-04:00

I read a quote today:

"We must always change, renew, rejuvenate ourselves; otherwise we harden."

And I realized that once again I was in that place. It's really odd though. Not really sure how or when that happened. I think it's called being complacent. Being comfortable and thinking that you have it all under control. And for a while, I guess you do. Things truck along, life is good, kids are good, work is good, not much sets you off. It's all in place and "perfect". And then one day, with no rhyme or reason to mention, something happens. Someone says or does something that throws a loop in your perfect world. Something big happens, or quite frankly, God pulls that cord back up that you so hap hazardly let get loose. As time passes, the inside, hateful and hard. And once it does, the hardest thing is trying to get it soft again.

So here I am. Once again. Trying to figure out what in the world I have going on. What got me here and how can I fix it. Again. The stuff we put ourselves though for the sake of earthly happiness, I tell ya. All I can say is thank you for being a loving, caring and forgiving God.

2011-03-21T17:18:00.003-04:00

I was blessed with good kids. Excellent students, athletes, funny and quick whitted, and even if they sometimes act like they have no home training at home, when they are away from me, I couldn't ask for more well trained kids. Everything I do, is for them. So you can imagine how proud I was when my 11 year old came to me a few months ago and said he wanted to be baptized. Now, as proud as I was, I was a little worried too. He's 11.. Does he really understand what that means? Does he know? He's just a child and I don't want him to be pushed by anyone or thing when it comes to making the most important decision he will ever make in his life. But the fact that he wanted to know more, that he asked me questions, that he knew that he wanted to live the way God wanted him too and be with HIm one day in heaven... brought tears to my eyes. So on March 20, 2011, my son, my baby (he'll always be my baby) was not only my son, but he became my brother in Christ. How awesome is that?!?!?!?!?!?!??!

I pray that I lead by example for him. That he sees me doing the things that are right and good and when I mess up, that I own up to it, make it right. That my number one goal is pleasing God.

Say a prayer for my little man, his name is Christian. His journey has begun, a good one and I couldn't be prouder!!!

2011-03-07T09:57:00.001-05:00

So last Wednesday night at Bible Study, we watched a video and had a discussion about what keeps people from coming to church, what keeps us from asking people to church and when they DO come, what makes them maybe not want to come back. Been thinking alot about that.

Then I read somewhere this week that we often get distracted with disappointment in our church. That people who have the most to say about an issue in church, often are doing nothing about it, well except talk about it. And we are not to get distracted by people's smallness. And I find myself often times, falling into these traps. It's really easy to get mad about things that are not going our way, even if the reason we have are good and valid ones. But our relationship with God should not be tainted because of other people's ignorance. Our goal is a simple one, bring others to Christ. It matters not about what kind of house they live in, what side of town they live on, money or no money, black or white. If we are not about people, we miss the whole point. Period!

So what's keeping you from bringing people to Christ? What has us distracted from the task at hand? It's time to quit making it about us (REALLY) and look at the real reason God allows us to still be here... relationships.

Albany had it's annual Mardi Gras celebration. Weather was semi nice, we had a little rain but it didn't seem to stop people from having a good time. I pray you all had a good and safe weekend... productive.

Until next time, Lord willing, "be blessed and be a blessing!"

2011-03-02T09:46:00.000-05:00

"Jesus was matter-of-fact: "Embrace this God-life. Really embrace it, and nothing will be too much for you. This mountain, for instance: Just say, 'Go jump in the lake'—no shuffling or shilly-shallying—and it's as good as done. That's why I urge you to pray for absolutely everything, ranging from small to large. Include everything as you embrace this God-life, and you'll get God's everything. And when you assume the posture of prayer, remember that it's not all asking. If you have anything against someone, forgive—only then will your heavenly Father be inclined to also wipe your slate clean of sins." - Mark 11:25-26 (The Message)

There have been many time in my life where someone has hurt me or wronged me. Too many to count actually. And I will be the first to tell you, I didn't forget OR forgive. And some of it was really "big" stuff. Some specific stuff. And I would imagine the people around me knew all about my hurts since I probably told the stories over and over and over. All the time saying "I forgive" and "I'm okay", but inside, I was still fuming and as far as I was concerned, I had every right.

But those things controlled me. My every thought and move. And honestly I still have flashbacks every now and again, but I have to quickly get myself in check cause I really didn't like the person I became when it took control. So one of the hardest things in the world for me to do was to forgive. I mean really forgive and it took a LONG time. I can't even tell you when exactly it happened, I just know now that I can be around these people and it's not an issue anymore. I don't bring it up in conversation everytime we speak or throw it up in their faces anymore. I guess you could say I am growing up some.

We expect alot from the people we love. We want them to always be honest and never ever do us wrong. But in reality, as people who are not perfect, we ALL will disappoint at some point in our lives. And even though we like to think so sometimes, there is no thing, or "sin" worse than the other. And I have had some major ones to hit me (well, major in my head)... but if we expect God to listen to us and forgive us when we mess up ( and for me, that is too many times to count) then how can we not forgive other people, when they do things to us. Not saying that it's easy or will happen over night, but if you don't even try...... then the verse is very clear " if you do not forgive, neither will God forgive you".

I pray you are all having a blessed week. Alot of things happening and going on that would test a person's faith seems to me, so we gotta stay strong and keep praying for each other. That's the only way to survive... love you all and be blessed.. until next time, Lord willing...

2011-02-28T09:43:00.000-05:00

I came into work this morning not expecting to hear the news I did. One of my co-worker's nephews was killed in an accident sometime this past weekend. I am not sure of the exact age, but I think he was around my boys ages. Just breaks my heart. Last week, my daughter's classmate was killed. Another friend who had friends lose an 8 or 9 year old son a few weeks ago in a sledding accident.A month ago, two babies died in Albany, from accidents.

No one really expects children to pass away so soon. I know I don't. I just always think there is time for them to grow and learn and experience life. But like I have said before and you all know, we are not promised to live until we are 75 or 80 and watch our kids have kids. If we actually make it that far, we are truly blessed. I celebrated my middle son's birthday this past weekend. He had some friends over and just had a really good time and not once did I stop to think that this may be his last birthday with me. And it's not to be morbid, but just honest.

Then I got an e-mail this morning again, reminding me to just stop TELLING people I love them and show them by my actions. (John 3:18) And then God tells us to bring up our children in the discipline and instruction of the the Lord.

And through all of this I am reminded that it is our job, MY job to teach my children what God expects of them too. From day one actually, we are to let them know that not only do we love them, but God does too. We can't hold back on teaching about Jesus to our kids because we think they may not be ready or mature enough. They may not fully understand some of the difficult concepts, but kids know truth when they hear and SEE it. And it's up to us to show them.

We spend alot of our time making sure our retirement is in order for when we get old, that our kids make straight A's so they will get into a good college and make lots of money (I am guilty of this.....), that they have the best of friends, play all the sports they can ( again, me....) and just get as much of life there is to offer. And not that any of those things are bad, because they aren't, but I wonder do we make just as big a deal about the spiritual lives.... we may not have as much time as we think...

My heart really breaks for all these families. It really does because I cannot imagine losing my kids now. BUT and I know alot of you hate to hear it, God works in everything.. good and bad and we have to just keep praying.

With so much sadness in the world, it's hard to find positive sometimes but I really do pray you can. The weather is beautiful, God is good and has given us another day to do His works... lets not waste it.... until next time , Lord willing....

2011-02-23T09:09:00.001-05:00

"The LORD makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand." - Psalm 37:23-24

Remember those who are hurting right now, those who may not have jobs or homes to go to, those who have no food to eat, those who just need a friend. Be blessed and always be a blessing!! Until next time, Lord willing....

2011-02-21T08:40:00.001-05:00

Yesterday, my daughter lost a classmate. He was a Senior at AHS, going into the military after high school so I heard. He had just bought a car and was at a car wash when someone pulled a gun on him, robbed him, took his keys and then shot him. As I looked on Facebook, and listened to Bri on the phone talking with some of her friends, needless to say, they were all in shock and very upset. As was everyone else that knew about it. It's one thing to steal from someone, but to take their life...well, it's senseless.

So I talked to Brianna about it, trying to see if she was okay and maybe if she had any questions. She really didn't, but her FB status said it all: " RIP Robert, this shows you that you can never take life for granted. Make sure you tell your loved ones you love them."

I don't think that any of those kids thought up until that point that they would not make it to see their high school graduation. I don't even think as adults, as much as we say it, really believe that this may very well be our last hour. We live like we have all the time in the world to make things right and honestly, we really don't. The time is now to make sure that we have done everything that God wants us to do. This life we have, it's not ours, it's God so lets not waste it. Let's seek to really fulfill the purpose God set for each one of us to have.

As I dropped Bri off at school this morning, I saw the kids walking in, most dressed in black as a remembrance for Robert Purvis. My prayer is that they all remember this day and from this point on, start really showing kindness and concern for each of their classmates. My prayers are with the Purvis family today.

Until next time, Lord willing...

: ))

2011-02-16T09:08:00.002-05:00

I am a basketball mom. Some days I love it, some I could really do without. The coaching on our team has not been the best and I have had my issues with the coach. But through all of that, through the girls always telling us how they really don't want to play with her anymore, the parents have tried to tell them that no matter what anyone says, you all are a team and you have to stick together... then things will change. And with it being a girl's team.. well, you know how it is when a bunch of attitudes get together... chaos all the time! So the whole season, the scuffed through, only winning 2 games in the region the whole season but even with that every teams STILL gets a chance to play for a spot in the region. So... last night we are up against a team who has won WAY more games than we have, but our girls are pumped! They told us before the game that even if they lost, they were gonna play hard, together since it might be the last game of the season.

Last 10 seconds of the game, the other team has the ball and our girls literally did something they have not done ALL season... they played defense and stole the ball. Lisa grabbed it, took off down the court and made a perfect layup. WE WIN by one point sealing our spot in the Semi finals this week AND State Playoffs next week! I had one of those head rushes that you get when you drink something cold really fast! They talked to each other throughout the game, if someone made a mistake, you could see them saying to each other " its okay, lets get back in it", and not letting the other people phase them or make them take their eyes off the prize. Just a little encouragement....

It was a good night for them. I pray that you all are having a really good week. It's not Valentine's Day anymore but I hope you are still showing encouragement and telling the people in your life how much they mean to you. Until next time, Lord willing be blessed...

OHHH and just in case you missed the clip on the news, our boys and girls are featured in it from last night.. It's Albany High, we are at the end of the clip and you will even catch a few glimpses of my baby, # 40 : ))

http://www.walb.com/Global/story.asp?S=14029623

2011-02-15T08:59:00.001-05:00

I think at any given time, a person can be pushed to their breaking point. And what you may think is yours, may not be mine and vice versa. I also don't think that God wants us to stand around and let people run all over us. I just don't. I mean doing good and what is right is what we are commanded to do, but letting people use is going a bit far right? Last night was it for me. I told you before, I don't handle stress well. I make no bones about it. When I am mad, I am mad. Case closed and I pretty much don't want to hear anything else. I get from Tony and a few people who have been around me when this happens how I need to "calm down" and all that jazz, but it's funny, cause when it's them, they are not listening to "calm down" from me. And then from my anger, cause that's what it is, things just start to flow out of my mouth. Not things I would normally say, but they do. Not good.I just don't like people trying to or even thinking that they are getting over on me nor do I like the feeling of being used so why bother.

and THEN I got on Facebook this morning and a friend from church posted this verse:

Proverbs 15:1-3 - "A gentle response defuses anger, but a sharp tongue kindles a temper-fire. Knowledge flows like spring water from the wise; fools are leaky faucets, dripping nonsense. God doesn't miss a thing— he's alert to good and evil alike."

UGHHHHHH .........as much as I don't like to do it (cause I like defending myself if I have too) sometimes, it's just better to say " ok" and move on and not let it fester. God expects us to show Christlike attitudes all the time, not just when things are working in our favor, but even when people tick us off. I still honestly don't think God wants us to be doormats, but He probably does want us to handle every situation like Christ would. I gotta work on that, cause truthfully, that's a hard one for me. So, I am glad David posted that this morning, I sure needed it as a reminder that it is STILL not about me and to let God handle His business.

Relax, release...... it's going to be a good day. Our Region basketball tournament starts today... GO INDIANS AND SQUAWS!!! I love you all, and until next time, be blessed!

Valentine's Day... ughhhhhh

2011-02-14T09:12:00.001-05:00

I don't like Valentine's Day, never have to be honest. I cannot tell you how ill I get at Christmas time when on one aisle, you have Christmas decorations and on the other, Valentine's candy. I mean really??? It doesn't get more commercial than that to me. One day that folks run out, to buy candy and cards to tell that person "I love you". I would personally like my significant other and friends to be telling and showing me that everyday and not just that day. I like flowers, cards and texts for no reason and not just cause other people are getting them. I liked to know that I am loved, even when I may not be so lovable....

So instead of being negative this morning (cause I felt it coming) I got on the computer, read some devotions and came across a verse in Isaiah 43 where God was talking to the people of Israel. Even though they had done things that were not pleasing, God said to them:

"Don't be afraid. I made you and I will take care of you. You are mine."

Just like those candies that the kids are passing out today with all the little messages on them, God says " You Are Mine". Just like the people of Israel, we are disciplined when we do not do what God wants us to do, but even through that, He loves us unconditionally. Not because we happen to be good on one day, but just because. There really is no greater love (or Valentine) than that.

Make sure you are showing Christ's love everyday, to everyone. I really do love you all (and not just cause it's Valentine's Day). I hope you all have a wonderful week... it's going to be a real busy one for me.. Until next time, Lord willing....

2011-02-09T09:16:00.000-05:00

So of my many pet peeves, the one that is really close to the top of my list is getting advice from people who think they have all the answers but have no clue because, well frankly, they haven't been through anything. Like kids.... I love my non-parent friends dearly, God bless 'em, but please don't give me any advice on how to raise my kids until you have your own, been through some of the issues I have and have the scars to prove it. I don't need or want really to know how you would discipline (cause all kids don't respond to the same discipline the same way) or what you would say because you never know until you get in that situation. TRUST ME. And that's just one example, I have many many MANY more, but that one just recently happened so it was stuck in my head.

Not that people who have not dealt with the same issues cannot be there to listen to you when you need it, because they can and actually should be. I think that many of us just find it easier to talk to people about our issues who have actually traveled down that same road before.It just tends to ease our burdens to know that someone else went through the same thing and came out on the other end okay.

James 1:2-4 (from the Message) says "Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way."

And then once you face those trials, God says in 2 Corinthians 1:2-4 - "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God."

See, those hard times we face, even though it doesn't seem like it at the time we are dealing with them, have a purpose. When we get to the other side of our problems, we can be there for others who are going through the same thing. That doesn't mean that you have all the answers and that their situation will come out like yours did or didn't, it just means that you can be there for them the same way God was for you. You know, like Pam says "be blessed and be a blessing".. that's what God wants us to do.

I love you all and until next time, Lord willing....

2011-02-08T09:29:00.001-05:00

So a friend of mine sent me a devotional this morning and the scripture was Proverbs 18:21 (The Message) - "Words kill, words give life; they're either poison or fruit—you choose."

And I thought about a conversation I had with another friend yesterday who was upset. And honestly, I understood why she was upset, I had been there and done that. And what she said I had said all too many times. But then I also remembered that as mad as I was then and she was yesterday, being negative would not help. Actually it would hinder us both in what we needed to be doing. The more negative you put in your head and let out of your mouth, the more negative things would happen to you. We can't change what people do around us and we can't make them into who we want them to be.. some people are just not nice (and that's putting it nicely) but what we can do is change our attitudes, thoughts and words. Hard I know but totally necessary if we plan on moving forward in our lives and want to receive the blessings God has in store for us.

I hope you all have a wonderful and blessed day. Until next time, Lord willing....

2011-02-07T09:00:00.001-05:00

I saw a FB post last week that kind of disturbed me. Seems that a very close friend of Brianna's dad (someone I knew but was not close close friends with) had a heart attack on his way to work and died. He was with friends the night before, he was fine, no issues at all. Next morning, he was gone. He was 44.

I looked at all the postes from friends of his and even text my ex to see if he was ok. The consensus was the same pretty much around the board. They were just all in shock, not really understanding what or why and very anger. Been there, done that so I understood.

But it also, once again, made me realize how short life really is. He was in his early 40's and no known health problems and if he was anything like Brianna's dad, thought he was gonna live forever. Alot of us though think like that. But not a one of us know when our final seconds will be. All we know is that we are to be Christ-like while we are here. We can't live as the world lives no matter how good it looks, we have to treat others like they should be treated, help, live out the teachings of Christ and share His word with others. That way, when the times comes to leave this earth, we will be ready to meet God.

It's also a reminder to me to just not be so bogged down by "stuff". To make sure that the people you love know you love them every single day and there are no regrets.. no woulda coulda shoulda's. Our days are numbered folks, and God's time and ours is very different so there is no better time than NOW to makes necessary changes.

I love you guys bunches. I honestly get through most of my days knowing that I have wonderful friends who are always behind me. "Be blessed and always be a blessing".. you never know who you may touch!

OHHH and sorry Michele and Melinda on that loss last night... I was thinking about you! : ))

2011-02-03T08:48:00.002-05:00

My daughter is really big on having braids in her hair. It actually makes it alot easier for her while she is playing sports during the school year. But for as easy and convenient as it is, it can be very damaging to her hair. As a teenager though, I am clueless and she won't listen to me. So basketball will be over soon and she decided she wanted the braids out and to get her hair relaxed (that's a perm for those who don't know). So after seeing the damage, I told her, its gonna have to be cut. And I mean that means no more ponytails cut. She was fine. As a matter of fact, she said to me " cut it all off, it'll just make it easier".

Now, as a woman, a black woman, let me tell you MY feelings on hair.... I can make it long, short, curly or straight. I can grow my own, buy it or sew it in. Doesn't matter to me. BUT for me personally and alot of my friends, hair for us is like it was for Sampson... seriously... if it is not how we like it, we lose power. I know it seems silly and a bit trifling, but for me, it is what it is.

So I went to pick her up. She was fine. All smiles. The girl styled it and it is SOOOOOO cute! But then, Bri looked in the mirror and it hit her. I can't put it up anymore (well for now at least) and well, its different and she lost it right there in the chair! I knew the feeling all too well so I started trying to comfort her immediately. She did not want to hear it and as a matter of fact, decided right then (as her Facebook page says) that she is ugly. And I don't think she actually thinks she is ugly, but well, its just a big change for her.

So I left my room, and called my hair dresser. I have been growing my hair out natural for over a year now so its pretty long. Today, I have an appointment to get it cut.... just like Bri's. God could care less how we have our hair, what clothes we wear... all He cares about is what's on the inside and how we live our lives for Him.

You know, sometimes we think that we can only comfort and support people when they have big things going on in their lives. Sometimes, the simple things are the ones that matter. And no, I don't have to cut my hair to make her feel better, but sometimes people just need to feel better. I doubt there is a verse on this one in the Bible, but it's just what's going on in my life. : )

If you see my daughter, ahhhhhh please don't tell her I told you any of this, but some encouragement would be nice.

I pray you all have a blessed and wonderful day and until next time, Lord willing... love ya!

2011-02-02T08:58:00.001-05:00

My friend Pam is an awesome writer, not to mention a really great person and friend. I love reading her blog because she quite honestly, tells it like it is. And God is always her guide, you can tell through her writings. So the other day she had a post on being accountable and basically how we as Christians need to have a friend (or two) to hold us accountable for the things we do. You know, checking up on us, making sure that we are doing our best to stay on track. Whether it be Bible study, exercising, praying, raising kids or getting along with your mate, we all need someone who will help us. Making sure that that someone is of the same mind set as you, meaning that God is first and the ultimate goal is heaven.

Scripture tells us in I Corinthians 12 that Christians are all part of the same body - the body of Christ - and each member needs or belongs to the other. So as believers in Christ, we need to have someone that we can go to in good and bad times. It also says Galatians 6 (The Message)- "Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day's out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ's law. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived." And one of my all time favorites, we are to "encourage and build each other up."

There are days when everything is seemingly going right for me and then there are days when everything I touch seems to end up in a mess. I need to be held accountable for my actions, should have someone that I can go to. We all should. So, thank you Pam for that blog.... I am going to do just that.

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up…" Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

I pray you all have a really good day. Its been a good week so far, thank you God!! Until next time, Lord willing, "be blessed and be a blessing!!"

2011-01-31T09:17:00.000-05:00

James 1:16-18 (The Message) - "So, my very dear friends, don't get thrown off course. Every desirable and beneficial gift comes out of heaven. The gifts are rivers of light cascading down from the Father of Light. There is nothing deceitful in God, nothing two-faced, nothing fickle. He brought us to life using the true Word, showing us off as the crown of all his creatures."

All I can say is THANK YOU GOD! I got a chance to pack my family and Tony up for the day and we headed to Daytona Beach. Just one day, to meet some very good friends of mine. Daytona is 5 hours away from me, but let me just say that God knew I needed a day away because the weather was PERFECT, the kids got a chance to go to the beach and play and I got some thinking and calm time. After a week of being disheveled, things coming from every which way, I got some time to regroup and prepare for the week ahead.
It was the gift from God I needed.

It's gonna be a good week. I am gong to make it one no matter what happens. Staying positive are the words for the day! Be blessed my friends, and until next time, Lord willing....

2011-01-27T10:23:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I saw a quote that someone at my church posted on Facebook:

"To manage a life of pain, as a believer in Jesus, remember: This is all the hell you will ever bear."

I thought about all the things that have been going on in my life lately. The things that basically keep me in a funk and my mind wondering how I will ever make it through. Petty things to be honest with you. I think about my friends, who are sick, going through divorces, having issues with friends or family members, lost jobs and homes and are trying to figure out just how to make it.

Then I remember what God said (we read it last night in Bible study) and it happens to come from my favorite Book:

James 1:2-5 - "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,whenever you face trials of many kinds,because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

Now I don't consider depression, loss of a spouse, a job, a home or whatever fun things by any means, but I do know this, God works in all situations! Good ones and bad, but when we let our own selfishness get in the way of looking for what it is God wants us to see, we miss out on so much. It's hard to think about heaven when things are not going as we planned, but James said that when we face these trials, we are building our faith and maturity so that we will be complete. Complete to do good works while we are here and to prepare us for a place that has no pain or suffering.

Ohh my the brain is working in overdrive this morning, sorry!!! Hope you all are having a good week, and until the next time, be blessed!

2011-01-26T08:34:00.001-05:00

I got an e-mail for one of my kid's teachers yesterday about some concerns he was having about him. He talked about a bad attitude in the mornings mainly and how he had been writing notes that said "everyone hated him, including the teacher". I knew when I go the email exactly what was wrong and actually have been dealing with it for a few months now. So I called the teacher and set up a conference for this morning.

My son is having issues with bullying, and maybe not bullying in the fighting sense, but kids are picking on him because they think he is "fat" and have called him that among other things. It literally broke my heart because when he came home and told me the first time, he asked would I bring the treadmill out so he could lose weight and how long did I think it would take. Now, being someone who is over weight and have been all my life... I have heard the names, I got called them alot as a child AND as an adult, I knew exactly what was going on in his head. And no doubt that pretty much all his life that since he has heard me moan and while about losing weight and not liking being the size I am, it hasn't help his issues at all. Now my son is 10 and I know that he has not ever hit puberty yet. He has alot of growing and stretching to do, but in his mind that means nothing. He just needs and wants my help and I will in whatever way I can to make him feel better about himself BUT also letting him know that God loves everyone and not all people are going to look, act, dress or be shaped the same. It doesn't mean you love hem any less. But explaining that to a 10 year old... well.. you can imagine.

"Oh be careful little ears what you hear.... oh be careful little eyes what you see............"

As adults, we need to instill in our kids that God really does love us the way we are. After all, He made us all unique. All with different talents and gifts. If He wanted us all to look the same, He would have done it! I said yesterdy that Satan looks for way to eat at us, to make us feel like we have nothing and that we are nothing.. this is no different. Stop trying to be what you see others are on television and in your daily life.Kids will be kids and I know that but I also know that they learn from the adults around them. If we expect our children to grow up to be responsible adults, God loving adults, then they have to see us doing it.

I keep wondering when God is going to stop giving me examples to write about...

I really hope you all have a great day... "be blessed and always be a blessing!! "

2011-01-25T08:54:00.001-05:00

It's really amazing how Satan works if you think about it. We are strutting through our days, minding out own business, with seemingly not a care in the world and all of a sudden, he hits us like a ton of bricks: with all the things we should and need to be thanking God for, all the blessings He gives to us on a daily basis, we instead concentrate with our lips poked out about what we DON'T have and why God has not given us what we asked for. And it really doesn't have to be big things..... I need to lose weight, I need to gain weight, I wish I had new furniture, I need a new job, kids are working my nerves, I really wish I had more money, and on and on and on. Never satisfied, never really happy.

So once Satan has filled our head with a bunch of lies, we forget everything that we know and try to go out and get all the things we think we need. Forgetting the whole time about waiting on God and His promises. THEN, we mess it up and what happens? Well, from my own personal experiences, I can tell you its either blame God or try to hide from God. Both of which will mess you up every time.

Instead of listening to the lies that Satan is trying to sell us on, we need to remember that God made us all unique. We are not and will not all be the same. God is not interested in any of the material stuff that we accumulate. It's His anyway. Start each day off by thanking God for the things that He's done for you. Concentrate on the positive and not on the things that keep you down. I'm learning that it really makes the days better.

It's going to rain all day here today. Be careful if you are out and about today and until next time, Lord willing... be blessed!

2011-01-24T09:04:00.001-05:00

My daughter turned 16 this past Friday. She had games Friday and Saturday night so we decided to just have dinner on Sunday night. I invited just a few friends, nothing really big, but I also invited her dad and his girlfriend. It's no real secret that we haven't gotten along for a while, but Bri was turning 16, she asked would I invite him, so I did. He told us earlier in the week that he would be there. She was excited although she didn't act like it and me... well I wasn't holding my breath, after all if WAS football playoff night ya know.

Sunday came and we all met at the restaurant and low and behold, he and his girlfriend walked in, ON TIME. A friend of mine who was there I think was almost in as much shock as I was to see him. lol. As we talked, I was again amazed that he was actually carrying on conversations with me, talking to Brianna and just having a really good time.

I know that things don't happen over night and they take time to develop, but Ecclesiastes talks about there being a time for everything. I just pray that this is a time for change in the relationship between my daughter and her dad and that they both are willing to work hard and not give up. With as many things that may not have gone right this weekend for me, yesterday made it all better. thank you Lord!!

I pray you all had a wonderful weekend. I love cold weather but I think I am about ready for Spring to arrive. Until next time, Lord willing, be blessed my friends.....

2011-01-19T09:54:00.000-05:00

Since the first of the year, I have been hearing about resolutions. I check my FB page, and people are still talking about losing weight, posting pictures of the food they ate on a certain day, being a better person (like they were the devil last year or something), the list goes on. I look at other blogs and talk to people (myself included!!) who are consumed with relationships with people, making sure we make them happy so they will stay and sometimes so they will go. and I don't guess there is anything wrong with any of that, but I guess the focus seems to be wrong. So I really don't do resolutions like I said before but I have been thinking about things that have gone on in my life the past year. It's amazing how pumped up I was at one point, trying to get a book written, thinking, meditation, studying, praying none stop. I don't really know when why or how by the end of last year that stuff either dwindled or completely went away but it did.

Job 8:5-6 - "But if you will seek God earnestly and plead with the Almighty, if you are pure and upright, even now he will rouse himself on your behalf and restore you to your prosperous state."

There is no excuse. I could make up alot though that makes sense to me and would make folks feel sorry for me, but nope. So its time to start fresh again. Maybe it is for you too. Thank you God for loving us so much that even though we tend to forget about you, you never forget us!

I pray you have all had a really good week so far. I normally look forward to Fridays, but this Friday, I will have a 16 year old and I am not sure my brain is ready for that yet. : ) Be blessed my friends and until next time, Lord willing.....

Hard lessons....

2011-01-18T08:22:00.001-05:00

Never would I ever claim to be the perfect mother. I have said and done things that I really am not proud of and probably had God wondering if He had made a mistake with me. But through all of that, I really do try hard to help my children understand the world and some of its good and not so good ways. My daughter will be 16 this week and for all intents and purposes, thinks I am probably the craziest woman on earth. I don't think she thinks I have a clue as to how the world operates and that's okay cause at 16, I thought the same thing about my mom and dad. So our relationship in any given day could be a little shaky for lack of a better term.

The one thing she is good at, or THINKS she is good at is playing both sides of a fence when she wants her way. Now,. let me say, I am ALL for sticking up for my kids when they are wronged, but I will bust some butt when they mess up. In come basketball practice yesterday....sighhhhh

Now Bri and her friends think they run the school and can do what they want. I have told her since her first day of high school, " BE CAREFUL" who you call friends, don't tell everyone your business, keep things to yourself and if you have issues, come to me, no matter what and not anyone else. Personally, I HATE my children learning the hard way, I wish they would listen, EH.. but I guess, well I know, Giod knows best.

I picked her and a friend up from practice and all I heard was " we cant play tomorrow cause SHE (that's the coach) said we didn't work hard enough and blah blah blah. Now this lady and I are not friends and that's okay. She stays away from me and I do her but in case our paths do happen to cross we are civil. See, not everyone is meant to be your friend.... But the things that got me, the thing that made me almost wreck on Slappey was what she said the coach's comment was that she over heard..." Brianna's problem is that her mom spoils her and gives her what she wants all the time." Ergo my mad u-turn on Slappey. It was time for me to deal with her and time For Brianna to learn a hard lesson.

Now I had heard this comment (plus alot more actually) all freshman year and this year too (from alot of people actually) so I had no doubt with the looks I had gotten and a few comments that they were true. I went in, mad, and actually I think they already knew before I open my mouth because the first thing I heard was "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO bring her in here, why would we jeopardize our jobs" But I knew, and didn't go in there expecting them to tell me the truth, just to let them know that I knew and that if they needed to ask me anything, to please do. Brianna came in and I simply asked " did she say blah blah blah.... Brianna said yes and they all said no. Now, let me say this and I seriously mean this .. I believe Brianna heard just what she said she heard. Did she tell all of it and how she didn't practice to full potential, no, did she tell me that she had been going to this same coach when she was getting in trouble in class and a few other issues and having HER deal w/ them instead of me, no. Did her friends, who had heard the same comments, who had told me time and time again the same stuff Brianna had come in when she ASKED them to come in and back her up....sadly. no. So they went on and on about what Brianna was doing and how she was acting and sop forth. All of which is news to me because honestly, these women have no people skills and if my child had slapped a teacher, they wouldn't tell me, but try to deal with it so ttheir "team" would not be jeopradized.

So for 30 minutes, I stood there and wait and prayed in my head " Brianna just say it, tell them to their face, stand up for yourself, never let anyone call you a liar and you aren't... just say it. Don't back down when you are right", which is something I have told all my children. She never said a word. She was scared, I knew it, but a lesson she was learning. As we went to leave, I told Brianna in front of the coaches "that this is their team, they can run it how they chose but I will not let you quit because they made you mad. You will finish out the year and next year, if you decide not to play, so be it."

Feeling myself about to cry from frustration and just the fact that I REALLY wanted to beat the crap out of that coach cause she WAS lying, I composed myself long enough to say " thank you for your time" and walked off.

After taking one of Brianna's "friends" home,. she pretty much lost it. I told her that not everyone is meant to be in your life forever and that as hard as it was for me to see her upset, that sometimes the lessons we learn in life have to be hard ones. That maybe it was time for her to reevaluate some of the people and things in her life that she thought were "good"..

Proverbs 18:24 - A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

I could tell by the look on her face she was hurt, not so much by the coach (which I knew she wouldn't ) admitting to what she said, but that her friends, her BEST friends stood back on the sidelines, trying to hear what they could but never, coming to her defense.

Romans 12:1-2 from the Message "So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you."

To put it in MY terms and I really hope this doesn't offend, but God doesn't give a rip about the people you hang out with, if it's not going to please and bring joy to Him. Choosing friends who will influence you in a positive way, ones who stand up for what is right, even if they are the only ones, ones who believe in God and His promises, those are the people we need to be around. Not everyone means us good, ya know. Some people, well they live their lives looking for ways to make us as miserable as they are. It is up to us to pray and stand firm in our beliefs. There are SO many verses in the Bible about being "equally yoked" with people.. 2 Corinthians 6:14, Philippians 3:2, Romans 16:17... and it is up to us to continuously pray to God to help us be around and stay with people who are going to promote our spiritual growth.

Ohhh there is so much more I want to say, REALLY want to say, but I know that sometimes, God wants us to keep our mouths closed.

I told Brianna that there was one thing that coach said that she was correct on..." Ain't nothing but the devil" and she was very right.. Satan is going to find ways, look at our weaknesses (because he knows them) and go on the fact that we think we can "handle him" alone. He will pit us against and at each other in every way imaginable to try to hinder our way into heaven.. only way to stop him is to "pray without ceasing", never giving up and to know that we can't do it alone, we needs God the whole way.

I hate that it was hard for Brianna, I really do. I mean after I dropped her off I cried all the way back to work. But I know God will make her a better person after this, she'll remember and she will continue to learn and grow. That's my prayer anyway....

And just so you all know, as mad as I was, I did hold it together long enough to let Brianna know that no matter how mad she or I was at any of them, being angry was not the answer either. Not everyone will think like we do but God said " anyone who is angry at his brother is liable to judgment".

Ughhhhh so much in my head but I digress. I pray that you all have a nice day, peaceful day. We actually have a game tonight... so pray for Bri AND me.... I'm thinking its gonna be a bumpy ride here on out! : )

Until next time, Lord willing....

Thank You Dr. King....

2011-01-17T09:42:00.002-05:00

Had it not been for you, chances are I would not have gotten my college degree, I would not have the job I have now, my kids wouldn't participate in as much as they do, I would not be living in a home that has my name on the papers, I could not worship with the people that I worship with and nor could I even write what I want to in this blog. Thank you for fighting to give us a chance to just be equal. My life would be so different if you had not done what you did. Happy Birthday!

2011-01-17T09:22:00.001-05:00

Every since I went to that Women's Conference I have loved this verse...Ephesians 3:20 -"God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us." And as Priscilla Shirer, who was giving the devo simply put, " God goes beyond beyond." There is nothing our minds can come up with, nothing so simple or complex, that IF it is within God's will, that He cannot do. And if He so chooses to do it, you better believe it is going to be bigger and better than we could have ever done on our own.

Something was brought to me this past weekend, that honestly scares me to death for alot of reasons. But I am thinking, talking it out and praying about it. I have talked and wrote about it not being about us and I guess the time has come to act on that.

I pray that you all are having a good Monday. Until next time, "be blessed and be a blessing" to everyone!

2011-01-13T09:01:00.001-05:00

Pretty close to two years ago I told you about a guy that I had gone out with for a short period of time. How he was cute and nice and all that jazz, but that I didn't really think we would hit it off well. I just remember thinking that something is just not right, I had a feeling but really didn't know what it was about. I saw him one night and the very next night, he was arrested for rape. Since then, although I haven't seen him, I was waiting for them to send him to trial. Literally I would google his name and make sure I had not missed it. But day before yesterday, getting ready at home, they flashed his picture across the screen and I about lost my breath. He was finally going to court. I think I checked WALB and the Albany Herald every 5 mins for updates. Long story short, he pled out, got a lesser sentence but still, is going to prison for a very very long time.

Romans 8:26-27 - "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches out hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will."

God is a much better judge of character than we are. We tend to see what we want to see and hope for the best. Not everyone out there wants what is good for us. All I know is that when we have doubts, when things just don't seem right, we need to pray hard because God may just be trying to tell us something. We may not like it, may not make much sense at the time, but we sure need to listen!

I pray you all have had a good week. I know some of you are snowed in so be safe and stay warm all! Until next time, Lord willing......

2011-01-12T09:07:00.000-05:00

Proverbs 18:24 (The Message) puts it pretty plainly... "Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family."

When I was in high school, I hung out with my little group of friends. I was pretty quiet, and although not in the "in-crowd" I still had quiet a few people that were in my group. We went to games together, proms, dinner, rode down Slappey Blvd and sat in parking lots (when it was legal).. we just had fun. I had friends at church in my youth group that I did alot of things with as well. I considered myself a pretty all around person with ALOT of friends.

I still talk to some of those people from time to time, but I realized when things in my own life were kind of out of control, that God placed certain people in my life for a reason and I learned very quickly who had my back and who was just there for the fun.

"So speak encouraging words to one another. Build up hope so you'll all be together in this, no one left out, no one left behind. I know you're already doing this; just keep on doing it." I Thessalonians 5:11 (The Message)

I would definitely say that it is important to be around people of like minds, like values, like goals. Honestly, when I was 18, it was all about the next party I could get too, 20 years later, I can tell you that it is about me and my family not only being together here, but being together for eternity and the only way that is going to be possible is for me (and you) to surround ourselves with people who have the same goals in mind. They will get on to you if and when you need it, laugh when its funny, listen when necessary and encourage and share your walk with Christ so that not only will you be family here, but also in heaven.

Its cold. I like cold weather, but it's REALLY cold right now. Be safe if any of you have to travel or be out in the rain, ice and snow! And as always, " be blessed and be a blessing"!

2011-01-06T09:50:00.000-05:00

My oldest son (he's 10) had been complaining about a stomach ache for a few days. He actually cried a few times from the pain. I figured it was just all the junk he had been eating during the holidays but with school starting back today, I decided to take him to the doctor just in case he needed a little medicine to get him going. So I went yesterday with every intention of coming back to work cause I figured it would not take long. After a few test and a jump from a steep that took Christian to his knees, the doctors immediately sent us to the hospital to have x-rays. X-rays???? for a stomach ache... this is not good and immediately my stomach was in knots at the thought of possibly it being his appendix and him having surgery. I sent out a few text to some people for prayers, called his dad to meet us there and off we went to the hospital.

Chris was scared too. He cried most of the way there and all I could do to keep myself from crying was pray! I assured him that everything would be okay and he said " well what if they have to cut my stomach open????" Sucking back tears, I said, God is gonna take care of you and you are gonna be fine!!

We went in and within a few minutes they were doing x-rays. As his little brother and I sat there, all kinds of thoughts raced through my head. I looked over once and saw a tear in my youngest son's eyes and I just gave him a hug and said "Chris is gonna be fine". When they were done, we went back to the doctors office to hear results and by the time I got back, they had already called. He was FINE... well he has some stomach issues, but nothing that medicine and a few more days out of school would not fix. Thank you God it was nothing more serious!!!!

Chris was afraid. I was scared to death. And even though this turned out to be ok, aren't there times when we are literally walking in fear of what will happen? The unknown? But God says " I'm leaving you with a gift: peace of mind and heart! And the peace I give isn't fragile like the peace the world gives. So, don't be troubled or afraid." John 14:27 and of course Hebrews 13:5.. "I will never leave you nor forsake you." There is no need to be scared or fear anything no matter how big or small it may be to us. God's love allows us to have victory in and over everything that comes up in our lives.

I hope you all are having a great day. I an see the sun outside my office window. Haven't seen that much lately and it's kinda nice. Be blessed and until next time, Lord willing....

Still waiting....

2011-01-05T10:16:00.000-05:00

Tony and I have been dating a close to two years. May will be two years to be exact and things are really good. Not that we don't have our moments of " I need to be alone" but we deal with them responsibly and respectfully and well.. we are good. There is not a day that goes by, not one single day, that one of us have not heard this question " So, when are y'all getting married?" So much so, that it's almost like a game to see who gets asked the most. We both just kind of blow the question off, saying "when it's time" and move on.

Now, I will admit and he would tell you, I am probably more ready than him. I'm almost 38 so in my mind, all I think is I am getting older and I wanna still have that white picket fence and two rocking chairs on my porch to have someone to grow old with. But Tony, my very level headed boyfriend always tells me, "one day at a time, two would be too many." So I wait..... Over the holidays I started thinking about it a little more and I read a devotional that said "Are you waiting patiently for God's will? Not for a man, but for God Himself?" And I realized... I have not been waiting patiently on God. I mean I do try, and I have asked God for patience, but in all honesty, I want what I see everyone has, or at least think they have anyway and that is not good. And God knows it's not. And I do remember once our minister saying if you ask God for something, be careful cause He just might give it to you. Instead of worrying about my picket fence 20 years from now, God wants me to concentrate on today. On the things I do and say, how I put myself out there for others, my willingness to help when needed and my daily walk with Him. After all, I could be dead tomorrow. I love this verse:

Romans 8:28 (NIV) "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

I can rush the process (as I have with so many things many times before) but knowing what I know now, it'll probably end in a big mess. God is going to work everything out he way HE wants to in HIS own time. And when that time comes... I promise to let you all know!! : )

Be blessed my friends!!

2011-01-04T09:57:00.000-05:00

All my life I have heard God will never put more on me than I can handle. I am going to assume that people get that form this verse:

I Corinthians 10:13 - "No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it."

And to be quite honest... I hate when people tell me that. I read a devotional one time and the guy hit the nail on the head and I totally agree with him. He said and I quote ..."Are there times when God allows more troubles in your life than you can bear? Absolutely! Positively! If you can accept my testimony as an example, let me tell you that sometimes life throws more at me than I can handle, at least more than I can handle alone. The reason God allows you and I to experience times when we are consumed by trials, when they are bigger than our own strength can handle, is so that we have no where else to turn, except towards Him. We are faced with one solution, and that we realize Christ is our only hope."

See, there really are times when we have too much on us to bear. I am a living witness to that. I have the scars to prove it if you wanna see. There really is only so much one person can take before you break down and are lost. But the key is and as the point was made above God allows those things to happen to us so that we will know who we can turn to, who we can trust and who is the only one who can help and handle the situations... HIM! And that verse in I Corinthians.... Satan does tempt us, all the time as a matter of fact, but God allows us ways out, He allows us to resist and say no, but the choice is ours.

I make no bones about not being able to handle stress well. It actually cripples me to the point of literally breaking down and going into some kind of "pit" as Ms. Beth Moore calls it. But I know from past experience also, that through lots of prayer and patience, God has helped me through and there really was a light on the other side. These situations I face now.. are no different.

I hear all the time from people and someone told me this last night that we as parents try to "do so much for our kids, better than our parents did for us". In my case, I don't know if I can do as much as my parents did for me and my brother. We were not rich by any means but I wanted for nothing and I can honestly say that their goal was for my brother and I to live like God wanted us to and go to heaven. I only pray that I am half as good with my kids and they were to us. The ultimate goal, MY goal... for me and my kids to get to heaven. With God's help and power, I know it's possible. Say a prayer for us cause we kinda need it right now!

Four days into the new year and God is very much working as He always has and will. I pray that you are all well and giving out as many blessing as He has given to us! Until next time.....

2011-01-03T09:08:00.000-05:00

I was on Facebook the day before New Years and all I saw was " Happy New Year" and how that this year (2011) was going to be THE year and that they were all going to do things so different and so much better.... Now,I don't do New Year's Resolutions at all, but that doesn't mean I down other people for doing them. I mean whatever works for you and keeps you motivated. But it kinda bothered me that on December 31st, people were already screaming Happy New Year. In my old age, I think I have become more of a realist and alot more blunt. Everyone was so concerned about parties, drinking and 2011, that they were forgetting that day, December 31st and how they could really be out doing something right then. After all.. none of us were promised January 1st on December 31st.

And then on January 1st, I learned that a man, his name was Curtis, who I didn't personally know, but had graduated from my high school two years before I did had died in a car accident December 31st on his way home. Later that night, I read that 2 men, ages 21 and 22 had died in yet another car accident.

None of us know the day or hour that anything will happen. We have no clue how long we have on this earth and I am not here for doom and gloom by any means but the fact is, this could be the very last e-mail I type. We could not make it home form work. We may not see our next birthday or see our kids have kids. All we have is right now so we have to make the most out of every opportunity we have. Quit talking about all the changes we are going to make in 2011. We have to "be a blessing". Seriously. Even when you think it won't matter, you think its too small, do it anyway. I cannot tell you how many things have happened to me, how much has been done for me, and the people who did it probably don't even realize it. I remember when I read my friend Pam's blog and she said " be blessed and be a blessing". I mean being blessed, I got that part. I want God to bless me when I do good and when I do bad actually. Always want things to go my way. But to go out and be a blessing?? Go out and intentionally put someone before me and not wait until I see an opportunity? And I have been trying to do that. Its not about having alot of money or material stuff because I don't. But just finding a need and acting on it.

I don't think that when Curtis or those other two boys got up on December 31st, they knew it was their last day on earth. I bet they actually had plans for bringing in the new year. Sadly, it didn't happen. I pray for those families. As much as we like to plan (myself included) tomorrow is not promised to any of us. But God wants us and more importantly expects us to use the time we are given wisely. Don't let moments slip by, don't miss opportunities to serve, to be blessing.

I DO pray that you all had a safe holiday. Please be praying for these families who have lost loved one and each other for that matter. I love you all and Lord willing, we'll talk again soon. As always......." be blessed and be a blessing"!

Pam, Paige, Jazzmine, Tomecca and George.....

2010-12-29T11:06:00.001-05:00

just wanted to give you all a gift.... check out the "Honest Scrap" blog...

Be blessed!!!!!!

Honest Scrap and a few other thoughts

2010-12-29T10:43:00.004-05:00

When I first started writing, or blogging as it has so been named,I only did it for a few select friends. I mean after all, I didn't really want any and everyone knowing things about me. And not really thinking, when I started this page, little did I know that people might actually stumble on my page and actually follow me. Well, that's what has happened and it's been good. I mean it's really weird to have people you do not know at all, make comments, send words of encouragement and tell you they are praying for you. I have make some great "friends" on here. One would be Christine (http://thesilverlining122.blogspot.com/) who has given me an award, that was also given to her. The award called the Honest Scrap Award.

And from what Christine researched the award goes to bloggers who write posts that come from the heart and soul.I really appreciate it Christine.. all I really wanted and want to do is let people know that not matter how bad things seem, it will get better if you trust in the one who is always there for you... God. I actually started this blog to help MYSELF remember that on a daily basis.

THEN, she said I had to tell you all 5 things about myself that you might or might not know and then pass this award on to 5 other people. So I will do my best:

1. I am a single, divorced mommy (of three kids) and I got my Bachelor's Degree in Management at age 35 while working full time. So if I can do it, I know you can too if you already haven't!!

2. I actually have a brother (which most of you know) but also a sister who is 50 yrs old. SURPRISE!

3. I like sitting outside on my patio, wrapped in a blanket,with my laptop and a cup of wine or coffee (whatever the weather allows)

4. Disney World is my most favorite place on earth.. I wish I lived in the Magic Kingdom.

5. God is the reason I am here today, because I really think given how I lived the early part of my life, I should not be here. He has a plan for me. I have NO clue what it is still, but I pray. I ask and I know that He is prepping me for things that are so great that will make my head spin. I pray that He doesn't give up on me even when I mess up or give up on myself.

and so I pass this great award on the 5 deserving bloggers (in no particular order):

http://missreaddiva.blogspot.com/ (Pam)

http://thepeacegirlplace.blogspot.com/ (Paige)

http://fabfunkydivasdesigns.blogspot.com/ (Jazz)

http://twilliams952.blogspot.com/ (Tomecca)

http://thetrirunner.blogspot.com/ (George)

I pray you all had a wonderful Christmas, realizing it's not about the gifts you got, or even the gifts you gave, but about our Savior. New Years is fast approaching and everyone is making resolutions and promises to lose weight and save money. But let's just all remember, we are not all going to be rich or skinny, things are not always going to go our way, but every single day, every minute is a blessing from God so act like it.. myself included!!!

Love you all and until next time.... peace and blessings!!!

2010-12-16T08:55:00.001-05:00

Today is my kids last day of school until after the first of the year. Brianna (my oldest), took her 9 weeks finals this past week. Now my daughter is an all around student. She's in the Honor's program at her high school, she is taking 4 AP classes this semester, she plays basketball, softball, throws the disc in track and plays golf (yeah, golf). All on the Varsity teams. She really is smart and pretty well rounded. BUT she is a teenager and what use to come to her naturally, she actually has to work at now. She HATES that, especially when it comes to her classes. She is a last minute type girl, never early so going in to the last week of the semester, her grades, although passing all of her classes, had some really low B's in some of them. Actually close to C's which does not work in the Honor's Program.

So me being the mom I am, fussed left and right for 2 weeks prior to these exams. I mean my thing is if you start out strong it won't be such a hassle at the end. But Bri, naw, she is like " I got this momma". So thanks to technology, I can log into all of her classes and see what she makes on grades, if she misses a class, if she gets in trouble, etc. Yesterday, end of the day, she is sitting in my office and I log in while she is here. Low and behold, she has passed and pulled all her grades up. She has this big smile and I look like "uh huh" . If she had only done this from the beginning.........

"When the clouds are full of water, it rains. When the wind blows down a tree, it lies where it falls. Don't sit there watching the wind. Do your own work. Don't stare at the clouds. Get on with your life.: Ecclesiastes 11:4 (Message) According to this passage, it seems really clear.... don't keep putting things off until the last minute, you may never get anything done. How many times have we all said, just wait until the first of the year, I will start my diet? Or just wait until I have more money, I am going to....Or wait until I do this or that and I can get that done, or in my daughter's case, I will wait until the last minute and it will all come together. Luckily for her (and her butt) it did. But that may not always be.

There is no time like the present to start doing those things God wants us to do. Especially with the holidays coming up. Do you realize that there are so many people who are doing without today? Don't know where the next meal will come from, or if they will have a warm coat for the winter? A place to live? A job? It is our job as Christians to seek these people out and help them in any way we can. Nothing is to big or small. There is alot of work to be done in order for us to be a blessing in someones life. Let's get to it!!

Today is my Friday and I am off next week . YAYYY for vacation. I pray that each one of you have a really good holiday next week. If I don't talk to you before have a Very Merry Christmas and I love you all!! "Be blessed and be a blessing"!!!

2010-12-15T08:21:00.001-05:00

I never really like watching the news. Too much negativity and bad news but this morning, I woke up and flipped to WALB so I could "listen" as I got ready. They started talking about a story in Florida. A man had gone into a school board meeting, upset because his wife had gotten fired. He pulled a gun out and ordered all the women and children out of the room, leaving the mail board members and him. There was a camera in this room so it taped the entire thing which they showed on the news. One of the board members, a woman, sneaks back in, gunman not knowing, and tries, to no avail, to hit the gun out of the gunman hands as his back is to her. He knocks her down to the floor. Then he stands in front of the board members and you can hear the Superintendent begging the man to please keep only him and let everyone else go. The man says no and point blank fires on the Superintendent. It looks like he hits him dead on because he falls to the floor. Then a security person fires on the gunman and shoots him in the leg it seems before the gunman took his own life they said.

As I listened to the Superintendent, the woman board member who tried to hit the gun out of his hand and another member talk this morning I could not help but think about what God said:

"I've told you these things for a purpose: that my joy might be your joy, and your joy wholly mature. This is my command: Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends. You are my friends when you do the things I command you. I'm no longer calling you servants because servants don't understand what their master is thinking and planning. No, I've named you friends because I've let you in on everything I've heard from the Father." John 15:13 (Message)

Then the Superintendent said something that actually gave me chills and I got tears in my eyes. He said, he had a family and he did not want to leave them but he knew that if this was his time to go, he was ready because he knew he would be in heaven.

I have no doubt that God protected those Board members. The Superintendent was in point blank range when that man fired and I guess one could say that maybe he was a bad shot.. OR that God is powerful and that He actually had a shield around those people. That man was willing to die in order to let the other members, his friends live and he was prepared. I wonder how many of us could say and would do the same thing???

Remember folks, this life is not about trying to grab everything we can get in 50 to 70 years. Let's not get sidetracked by all the glitz and glamor that the world has to offer. It's not about getting the latest gadget, wearing the cutest styles, driving the best car or living in the biggest house. It's about living your life the way God wants you too, thinking about others before yourself and being ready when God calls you home. My friend Pam always says " be blessed and be a blessing" and this school board in Florida is a perfect example of that to me this morning. Thank God they are all safe!!

Love you all, have a wonderful day!!!

2010-12-14T10:06:00.001-05:00

Khaaliq is the baby and thinks he can get away with anything he wants. It was Friday, this past Friday actually, and a good day.. then I had to pick them up from school. The boys normally wait in the lobby for me but as I walked up to the door, Khaaliq was standing outside and said " Mrs Anderson needs to see you" and all I could think was this CANNOT be good because it's Friday and I know she wants to go home. Sighhhhhh.. so I truck down the LONG hall, Khaaliq in tow who is now telling me some story about some little boy elbowing him. This is REALLY not gonna be good so I prepare myself as I walk in the class. The look on her face told it all...

Seem that Khaaliq was a tad bit hyper and wanted to walk around. SUPPOSEDLY a little boy elbowed Khaliq. Now mind you, this boy sits in the BACK of the class ad Khaaliq the front. Khaaliq decides to throw paper in the trash and then proceeds to go over to this boys desk and tell him to "get out of his space"

Khaaliq is at this little boys desk telling him to get out of HIS space.....WHY KHAALIQ WHYYYYYYY. But it gets better... he THEN tells him that if he doesn't get out of his space (the boy was to my knowledge minding his own business) he is going to punch him in the eye. Now Khaaliq INSISTS that the boy elbowed him, at what point, I have no clue but all I know is that the boys stood by his desk (ahhhh where was he gonna go Khaaliq????????) and this boy, the one who lives with me, the one i gave birth to, punched this boy in the eye. Dear God WHYYYYYYYYYYYY????

So the teacher, who was just in shock because Khaaliq is a straight A student and really never gets in trouble, is NOW gonna get suspended (they gave him one day) and she is looking at me. I couldn't speak, barely move and all I could think was " where did I last leave that belt?!?!?!"

Long story short, I thought my hand would fall off from swinging so much or he would call the police for sure. Mad does not begin to express what was going on in my head!! But for as mad as I was that very moment w/ my son, I mean what a stupid stupid decision, I didn't like what he did by any means, but I loved him just the same.

That's how it is with God. On days where we mess up,. I mean REALLY mess up and we are not the lovable beings that God created, He loves us still the same. And that love is the same kind that we should be showing for everyone around us, even the people we don't necessarily like.

My children.. God love em (and so do I) : ) I think I just needed to get this one off my chest.. have a wonderful and blessed day all and don't forget " be a blessing"!!

2010-12-13T09:40:00.000-05:00

"Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life." - Philippians 4:6-7 (The Message)

I think that my day, every day, should start and end with this verse. Worry seems to be commonplace for me. I can be truckin along just fine, like this past weekend. It was absolutely GREAT, every minute of it. Although a bit chilly, I was able to get out in the beautiful weather, watch my daughter play basketball, run around with Tony doing some Christmas shopping and just enjoying things that God has placed in my life. And then Sunday night happened. Nothing actually happened, but I knew that once my head hit the pillow, Monday would soon be upon me. Now this may seem crazy to some of you, and that's OK, but Fri-Sun is not just a weekend for me, it's a time of peace. No work, no worries, no stresses that normal life brings. Sunday night, ahhhhh that is a beast of another character. Every issue that I have seem to all creep back in my mind on Sunday night and yesterday, I, being the person I am, added yet ANOTHER stress to my life.

I know God is up there. I mean I can't see Him, but He's there but I always have a hard time remembering that He is in control no matter what. I am a helper. That's my job as a mom ya know. I HELP my kids when they can't do things. I help at work, I help my friends... I'm a helper. So seems really natural for me that even though I pray for peace, calmness and God's help and guidance in my life, that I still "help" Him along and fix the things that need fixing in my life. Makes perfect sense to me. After all, I have said it before, time and time again.... it IS MY life, and I am perfectly capable of knowing what is best for me and my family, right?

But I guess what it boils down to is when I try to do God's job in my life, I am basically saying that HE can't handle it. That He doesn't have a clue as to what I need and what is best for me. And I do know better than that, but for folks like me, the helper, the one who can always fix stuff, the truth of the matter is ...that's a hard pill to swallow.

Praying and worrying don't mix well together. There is nothing good at all about worry. Praying is always good. Worry stresses you and everyone around you out. It can make the strongest man or woman break totally down. Praying is noting but positive, makes all the fears go away. It is what I have to remind myself of everyday. So I woke up this morning after a really "EH" night and prayed. I got to work and prayed. No need in worrying about things that I have no control over. God knows best and knows what is best in my life as well. May not be what I think I need or want, but will probably work out better in the long run anyway.

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend. It really was a nice one. A bit cold for Albany, but beautiful. Until next time, Lord willing, we will talk again. "Be blessed and be a blessing"

2010-12-09T09:22:00.002-05:00

I use to whine alot. About what was always going wrong in my life, people getting on my nerves, why I couldn't have what I wanted when I wanted, why my ex left me, why my parents died, why my life seemed to be really jacked up.... why, why, why... why me?!?!?

Actually, every once in a while, I catch myself doing it now.

But I remember during those times, I had a few really good friends, who no matter how many times they had heard the story, they probably could repeat it word for word, they still listened to me and never once belittled me or told me to shut up. For that I am grateful. It helped me get though some really rough times.

And now, although I still don't have everything I want, and life is not perfect, I am OK, I find myself forgetting that there are other people around me that need the same help I did. I think its really easy to get caught up in things going "good" for us. We are happy and assume everyone around us is and should be happy as well. And point blank, we really don't want anyone bringing our "high" down for any reason. Who has time to listen to a bunch of issues that don't really concern you anyway right? But as the verse goes "encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness."

There are so many people around us hurting and just because you have come out of your own issues and your life is gravy now, does not give you the right to forget the ones who are not as fortunate as you are right now. We need to listen, encourage and pray daily for those people and if it means that you have to give up a day or two or your life, so be it. I honestly don't see how we can grow as a family, if one of the members is hurting? Remember, "be blessed and BE A BLESSING!!!"

It snowed yesterday... well, a few flurries, but snow just the same : ) Hope you all have a wonderful day and remember, keep praying!!!

2010-12-08T09:11:00.000-05:00

Yesterday Elizabeth Edwards passed away from her 6 year battle with cancer. I am not a real political person, but I would imagine that everyone knows who this lady is. When her husband was running for President, she found out that she (1) had cancer and (2) he was having an affair and somehow the affair got way more attention (even now in her death) than her battle w/ that disease.

Every time I saw her on TV, she was ALWAYS positive and upbeat about her home life and her battle with cancer and she didn't let either of those things stop her from campaigning for the things she believed in, even up until this past weekend where I heard that she was calling friends and sending out e-mails because she knew her days were coming to an end. In my book, from what I could see, a real class act, someone that I have not heard anything negative about.

I don't know if Elizabeth Edwards was a Christian, if she had some kind of faith she believed in or even if she believed in God at all. I DO know that through all the things she went through, all the interviews and questions that were thrown at her, she was always composed, never negative or hateful and seemed to be very positive and to me.... that can be nothing but God.

It's really hard to imagine our loving and compassionate God letting or allowing things like what happened to Mrs. Edwards to happen, or to any of us for that matter. When they do, God knows that our emotions are all over the place and we tend to start doubting. I think that's ok. We are not promised a life full of good, good , good all the time. As a matter of fact, there are several verses that say we WILL go through trials and troubles and that as sure as we are born, we WILL die. A hard pill to swallow sometimes when you see so much evil in the world and people "seemingly" getting away with everything. But the thing to remember during all of those hard times is this.... whenever we go through hard times, things we think we will never get past, do not cut off the one person who will not put us down, who will always be there no matter how low we get... God. And the other thing I do know is that even through the death of a lady who really seem to have a faith that I wish I had more of, God is gonna work like He always does.

Keep praying folks. For the Edwards family because those two little kids just lost their mommy at Christmas, for John Edwards... maybe he'll get some stuff straight, for the people who don't have it as good as we do right now. I read that there are over 700,000 homeless people in the US right now, this winter! Pray for each other. Sometimes, you just can't pray for yourself anymore ..we all get tired, but when you have others that have your back... well, you know. Just keep praying!!

Love you all and as always.. "be blessed and be a blessing". Until next time, Lord willing....

2010-12-07T12:32:00.000-05:00

I recently read somewhere that " if Christians only trusted in God more, that all their stress would go away".

A rocket scientist I am not, but I am a human being, a mom, a sister, a friend, a co-worker and a Christian and I believe that God is sovereign over all, and in control even when we seem to think we have it all handled. I don't however think that just because we believe, means that the stress automatically goes away. We ARE human and whether we like to hear it or not, our humanity can be easily cracked and get very weak. And a BIGGER surprise to some of you, God is fully aware of this but it will not stop things from happening or issues from coming up. He knows also that we will probably not handle most of them well, because it IS US trying to handle them.

I so think though that the stress we have, some brought on by our own hands, is a way of reconnecting with God. In the past few months, I haven't written much, not talked to alot of people, and pretty much been to myself because of stress. Some by my hands, some not. And to be honest, I have been trying to figure it all out. See, I know that God is Jehovah Elohim, the Eternal Creator, I know that He is Jehovah Jireh, our Provider, He is Jehovah Shalom, Lord of Peace and Jehovah Eloheenu, the Lord our God. He is Jehovah and Elyon, Sovereign and Most High and even knowing all of that, I still have a really hard time letting go and saying I can't do it.

Matthew 11:28-30 (The Message) "Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

My fears of loneliness, the stress of life, my own sins that seem to resurface even after years and years, being terrified and not able to provide for my family like I need to make me paranoid, afraid and basically a prisoner in my own body. I have seriously been wrestling with if the places I am today are really where I need to be. I am not a big fan of change of any kind, makes me nervous and in order to avoid that, maybe that meant me making some moves. I told a friend today that its really sad when you KNOW better and still don't do it. Wait til stuff is so bad to just get down and pray. Makes you wonder if He's even listening to anything you have to say anyway.

A mother, a sister, a friend, a co-worker, but before all of this I am a Christian and if my fears paralyze me enough to stop me in my own tracks, what am I showing to my kids, friends and co-workers? That I can talk really good games....but when it all boils down, if I can't do it myself, then it's not worth doing?

I think I have spent the past few months trying to come up with the perfect answer. You know, the Bible one that sounds really good and makes us seem really smart. Like we did it ourselves. But after racking my brain over and over, all I got is

"And the peace of God which passes all understanding shall keep you hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

Yep, biblical, I don't get any kudos for being extra smart. When we are really praying and asking God to help us because we are at our breaking point, whether we asked from the very beginning or we waiting until we couldn't take it anymore. When we are truly sincere about our prayers and the things we are asking for, then God gives us a peace that will keep us jumping off that ledge or reaching that point of no return for some. He is going to make happen what we thought would be impossible or couldn't be done, IF it's in His plan (that's the part that trips me up all the time). And when we truly case those burdens and worries, the stresses of life on Him, that is when He will do what He promised and take those burdens on Himself and gives us some rest.

I really do hope that all of you have been good. Keep praying for each other, even the ones in this e-mail you might not know. And as always " Be blessed and be a blessing"

2010-09-28T08:51:00.001-04:00

It is almost time for one of what has become my all times favorite times of the year... high school basketball. Starting in October, the balls come put, the court is shined and tryouts start again for my daughter. She is equally as excited. She has actually joined the cross country team to work out with them so she can condition for the upcoming season. And of course, this means that me, as one of the Booster Club officers and team mom, get to start running around again. But honestly, I really do love it and as tired as I know I will be, it makes me happy to be a part of this time in my child's life.

But as I start into another season, I have to make sure that things don't "stay the same" as they always have. I said before that I felt like I lost some of the spark I had when I first started writing. I can remember going to bed reading a Beth Moore book, or going over what we would talk about in Sunday school class. I slacked off big time. And if things don't change, I will get right back into the same ole rut as I seem to have gotten in. So there has to be a conscience effort on my part and all of our parts to make sure that God is in every aspect of our lives. Not just a simple prayer in the morning or a quick " thanks" when we think about it.

I work with an architect who does her Bible study first thing in the morning, before everyone gets started with their day. She doesn't work God into her schedule if she finds some spare time, but makes Him the priority. We all need to. We can make excuses about how busy we are, how we have so much going on and that we are just tired, but maybe we need to stop and think... "what if God decided He was too busy for us? Too tired to listen and help us when we need Him." So starting today, even if it's baby steps, start giving God more of you. Make Him the #1 in your life.

I pray you all have had a good week thus far. Until next time, "be blessed and be a blessing"!!

2010-09-23T09:22:00.001-04:00

I briefly met a young lady this weekend in Wal-Mart that works with Tony. She was one of the most pleasant people I have met in a very long time and I couldn't help but notice how truly beautiful she was... her physical appearance AND her attitude.

I thought last night about all the trouble we go through as women to become beautiful. We pile on makeup to hide our real faces and appearance, buy the latest fashions to keep up with everyone else, try the latest diet craze so that we can get into those perfect jeans and my all time favorite, adding a little color or changing a hair style to hide that gray hair that is sticking up in the air. And I mean, it's almost something that is expected because every commercial, magazine and newspaper are trying to sell us on changing ourselves so we will be "better".

And ultimately, none of that stuff matters. God could care less if we are 100 lbs overweight, if we have pimples as big as rocks on our face or we wear last years styles.

"I Peter 3: 3-5 - Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful."

If we are so concerned with how the outward looks, could it be that we really have issues with the inside??? Maybe instead of spending or rather wasting money on things that won't matter tomorrow, we should invest more in God. God created us in His image and He wants what's on the inside way more than what people can just see on the outside. And when the inside is glowing with God's goodness, the outside won't need all the accessories to make it beautiful.. it already will be.

It's Thursday and it has been a really, really good week. I pray it has for you too. Until next time, Lord willing, "be blessed and be a blessing".

2010-09-22T09:50:00.000-04:00

I ripped my last pair of contacts a few days ago so now I am forced to wear my glasses until payday so I can go to my eye appointment. I really don't like my glasses at all. I mean they are pretty stylish.. Vogue..and they look alright, I guess, or so people say, but I hate that they sit on my nose. It bothers me and I find myself pushing them up constantly to sit in the perfect position on my face.

Two days ago on the news, I hear a story about a homeless man, right here in Albany who had been hit by a hit and run driver. They took him to the hospital and as they were patching him up, they found out through a cat scan that he has a massive tumor on or near his brain and if it is not removed, he will be blind for life. There is a local church who is helping him, found family member in Florida and are now trying to raise the money to help him have that surgery.

Talk about feeling like a total loser.....I did.

I've never really thought to thank God for the fact that I even had the glasses to put on after my contacts ripped. Actually for the most part, I think we think of blessings sometimes as big things we get. Those things that help us make more money, get a little more fame or attention.

I have heard people say and I have been guilty myself of not having just what we want. Things are not flowing well at work, you don't make enough money... try not having a job now and having your home repossessed. My car is not working (this one got me a slap this past week too).. try having to walk every where you go. My kids are not making all A's like I want them too... try having a child in a gang and never going to school.... My shirt is a little to tight, I really need to go to the gym.. try wearing the same clothes everyday or not even having clothes to put on....the list could go on and on.

We don't praise and thank God every moment we are here, for just giving us life. For the people I know that are reading this e-mail, we may not have everything we want, but I know for a fact, we have what we need because of God. We need to thank God every single time something goes right in our lives and still praise him when things go totally wrong. Once we learn to do this, I think we will find that our lives will start to be refocused and we won't be so consumed about what we DON'T have, but be thankful and blessed for what we do.

There was an old song we use to sing at Beattie Road when I was younger. We don't sing it much anymore, but I think it really needs to serve as a reminder to us about how we need to be praising God:

When upon life’s billows you are tempest-tossed,
When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.
Are you ever burdened with a load of care?
Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?
Count your many blessings, every doubt will fly,
And you will keep singing as the days go by.
Count your blessings, name them one by one,
Count your blessings, see what God hath done!

Please be praying for the gentleman who will be having that surgery soon. I love you all, have a wonderful Wednesday and as always "be blessed and be a blessing"!!!

2010-09-21T09:16:00.001-04:00

Of all the things I have learned in my life, the one most important thing is that " It's not all about me". But everywhere you turn, the world tries to teach you the opposite. Grab everything you can before someone takes it from you, look out for #1. I actually think this is one of the hardest things I am having to teach my children. Sharing and making sure someone else has before you do seems to be really hard for them and I would imagine it's probably because they see us trying to grab all the gusto we can.

So many people view the world only from their little square box. You can start a conversation about things going on with you and it always seems to turn back to them. It's kinds of irritating huh? And at that point, I normally tune them out.... then I wonder though.. how many times have I been guilty of the exact same thing.

Philippians 2:1-4 (The Message) - "If you've gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care— then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don't push your way to the front; don't sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand."

So the next time someone comes to you, maybe they just want to talk and it could be about nothing. Just let them. Don't make it about you and how you would, could and did do something.

I pray you are all having a wonderful week. Things may not be the way you want them, it may be a long week already, but God has given you another day. Use it for something positive. I love you all and as always as my friend Pam says " be blessed and be a blessing" for someone today!!

2010-09-17T22:06:00.002-04:00

I honestly have been in a state of dysfunction for a long time. I could not tell you up from down if you asked, nothing is really going right or has been for a while, my brain has been in slow motion for months and if anything is going to go wrong, it's going to go wrong with me. I have had people tell me over and over (and it's not like I don't know this already) that things are "going to be okay", " it'll all work out", "God puts no more on us that we can handle". And each time, I have this look on my face :I ... meaning, yeah yeah, I know all of this, but that doesn't help my situation, I still feel like crap.

And just when you think your back is about to literally break, that you can't take anymore of this thing they call life, something happens that makes you realize that no matter how bad you THINK you have it, someone else is going through much bigger issues.

When I tell you that this weekend has been rough... whew!! And as we talked in lifegroup last night, well, all I can say is I was brought to tears and realized that I have not been the friend or Christian God wants me to be. I made a comment last night and I will share it again with you today as a reminder: "Make time to get to know people before situations get out of hand." People all the time ask " how are you" and the normal response from all of us is "fine" when in actuality, it's really not. I will take it one step farther too because I got the response that if you ask, and they say fine, what do you do then? So I contend that you don't need to ask them just one Sunday mornings or Wednesday night at church, don't ask if you bump into them at a store or see them at a ballgame. MAKE TIME during your week, pick up a phone, send an e-mail, text,whatever and just randomly check. And yeah, they may not tell you one the first go round, or second or even third, BUT if people realize that you mean them well, that they will NOT be the topic of conversation at your next group gathering or won't be picked at, they are and will be more apt to talk to you about issues that may be going on in their lives.

Greg said yesterday that relationships are HARD. And he is so right, but they get even harder if we are not encouraging each other, if we are not looking out for each other, helping and praying daily for each other. I haven't been doing that nearly as much as I should and I apologize. So, as I said last night, and I really believe this even though I admit that sometimes I am the one who says " I'm fine" and I'm really not... we have to make it a point to make time for people. People we know, but don't really know. You may actually be surprised.

Hebrews 3:13 - "But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness."

I love you all. "Be blessed and ALWAYS be a blessing!!" Until next time, Lord willing....

2010-09-07T11:16:00.001-04:00

This weekend was crazy. It was a long weekend with the Holiday, my youngest son had his 9th Birthday party Saturday and my brother was here for the weekend. Alot going on, all weekend. By Sunday, I needed some peace, some time to recoup from everything and everyone. I went to church on Sunday, honestly, not wanting to be there. I have those moments still. You know how Satan messes with your mind and everyone and everything gets on your nerves? Well, I guess that was me. Tony went to church with me and he knew I was stressed and as I sat and listened, he held my hand as I cried to myself and thinking about how things SHOULD have been for me.

When I got home we talked some about the weekend and I realized that for the very first time in years, and I do mean YEARS that my brother and I had gotten along. Like I was the big sis and he was my baby brother. We laughed, talked about growing up, my parents (which he NEVER does) and even went to eat dinner together, no kids and just hung out. And after a weekend like the one I had, I knew that God had actually answered a prayer I have had for a really long time. And without some help from someone else, I might have missed it being selfish.

God knows and hears everything we day to him. The answers don't always come like we want them too.. fast and in a hurry, and if we are too busy in our lives, we might miss the answers He gives us. I'm really glad my brother came this weekend (although I missed seeing my nephew) and I really thank God for giving us the time He did.

I pray you all had a wonderful and safe holiday. Until next time, Lord willing....

2010-09-01T09:06:00.001-04:00

My mom was the best cook in the world. When my brother and I were little, my dad worked and momma stayed home. We have home cooked meals every single day, breakfast, lunch and dinner. She didn't go back to work until I got in middle school, so even our lunches we took to school were home cooked. I mean all of it. I can remember waking up and smelling homemade biscuits and fresh maple syrup. When my daddy would get home, dinner was always ready and we had dinner together in the kitchen. I never really thought about the stuff my momma did around the house, I mean after all, she was a housewife and it was her "job" so to speak I guess. I think, looking back on it all.. I know I love my momma beyond the shadow of a doubt, but I think we took everything she did for us for granted.

Kinda like how we look at what God does for us sometimes. I mean He says "Ask and it shall be given unto you..." so we just assume that all we have to do is ask, and BAM, things should fall into place. God is ALL knowing.. every think about that really? There is really not a thing we ask for that He does not already know about. We don't have to ask Him to make Him know a situation, but we ask so that we learn and know the power of God. So that we don't become complacent when He works things out for us and so that we appreciate and never take God for granted.

I try to teach my kids that. They just assume alot of times that things are suppose to be handed to them, that we can fix every situation that comes up. But how will they ever learn if that happens? How will they ever know to turn to God when they have problems and not try to fix it themselves?

Matthew 7:7 - "Ask and it shall be given to you, seek and you shall find."

I hope you are all having a really good week. It's been kinda long, and I think I am about really for this long weekend we have coming up. My brother will be here Friday so please pray for a safe flight for him and hopefully I will get to see my nephews too!! Until next time, Lord willing.. "be blessed and be a blessing"

2010-08-30T09:44:00.001-04:00

When I got pregnant the 2nd (and 3rd time), I prayed for a little girl. I already had one and I really wanted a house full of women. There was something about just dressing them up like little dolls, frilly dresses and bows that made me smile. And after all, by the time Brianna was 3, dresses were OUT for her since she liked playing in dirt and throwing balls in the front yard. God, in His infinite and great wisdom, gave me 2 perfect little boys. Today, I SCREAM out THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! I love my daughter more than words could ever tell, but we are so much alike, that we butt heads more times than a few. I pick at a friend of mine all the time because she has 3 little girls and I tell her all the time " Just wait". Something about alot of women in one place........ WHEW!!

As my daughter has gotten older, she seems to think that I don't know much about anything. She doesn't feel like she can tell me anything about what goes on in her life because I would "not understand" since she thinks I have never had a problem in my life. Well high school problem anyway. So I just try to explain and tell her that no matter what she goes through, it may not be exactly the same but I bet I have been through similar and if she wants to talk, all she has to do is ask.

As an adult, even after knowing this about my daughter, I feel the same way too. There are alot of things I keep to myself, try to fix on my own for the very same reason. No one understands so how could they help.Maybe you have thought the same thing. But even through all of your and my frustrations and problems, God knows exactly what we are going through. He sees it, hears our crys and feels it in our souls. He not only knows but he cares. I mean this is the same God who can count every hair on all of our heads. If he can care about birds flying in the skies, what they eat and drink, I know for a fact that He cares and loves the people He created. And because He cares for us, we can go to Him, give in every problem we have and leave it there. No worries, no stresses, no problems.. the End.

God loves all of His children and He does not want us stressing about anything. Pray and believe God will help us and He will.

I pray you all had a blessed weekend and have an even better week! Until next time, Lord willing

2010-08-26T09:05:00.000-04:00

When everything seems to be going wrong around you, it is really easy to focus on that. Its' all you think about. But maybe, a key to the happiness we all want and seek is even in the bad times, thanking God for the blessings He has given us. Our lives are not always going to be easy, things are not going to go our way and there are going to be points of breakdown, but even with all of that Paul still says "Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say rejoice."

I admit, I am the world's worst when it comes to trying to remain positive when things get hard, but with constant reminders around me, I am doing better and better each day. SLOWLY, but better. God wants us to pray about things that get us down and keep us from being who we ought to be. So, that's what I continue to do and as the saying and scripture goes, season come and go, but this too shall pass.

I hope you are all having a wonderful day. And just to let you know what a wonderful day this morning turned out to be... my very best friend had her 1st baby (and my goddaughter) last night around 11:00pm ( yep Tomecca, she shares your birthday... happy belated!!!) Jessica Ann, 8 lbs, 3ozs and everyone is doing great! God is good!!

"Be blessed and be a blessing"

2010-08-25T08:28:00.000-04:00

Dear God, Thank you for this morning. Thank you for showing me Your truths and helping me day by day to discern right from wrong. I don't always get it right. Satan makes me doubt. I use to think it was God sending me messages.. woman's intuition you know but I am starting to realize that sometimes Satan has his way of taking one situation and making it into a million little ones that cause me to doubt myself and others around me. But I know that you have given me the tools I need daily to fight and stand up. Thank you for being there to listen to me, help me, guide me and comfort me. You already know what's in store for today. The things I have to do and deal with and I pray that you be there with me every step of the way, being the Father that only You can be. Help me not to get discouraged and down. Make my heart clean and pure, life my spirits. In everything, make it not about me and my needs and wants, but about You and Your glory. In Christ name........

2010-08-23T09:53:00.000-04:00

It was a really long week last week and all I could think was "where is Friday and can you get here sooner???" The motor died in my car, so I am on the search for something else (NOT FUN!!), softball all week long and it was hot out, kids had a million and one things due last week for school and it's just the third week and by the time Friday came, I just wanted to relax. To take out my frustrations, I decided (with a really wonderful friend of mine) to paint the boy's room over. It needed it really bad and at the time, it sounded like a good idea to her and me. Tony even volunteered to help us out and between the three of us, it turned out really good for amateurs. This weekend was going to be one of those that I was going to be distracted very easily because of all the things that had happened the week before and because of those two, well, they keep me focused, kept me laughing and smiling and basically told me to trust that God would take care of me.

If you are anything like me, change is not what I wanna do. I am comfortable in my skin, comfortable doing what I have always done and get really scared when things are done a little different. It's a hard pill to swallow sometimes, complete trust and as much as we all know God is the only way, we still try to figure things out our way. But learning to trust God means changing everything we know, everything we are use too and knowing that He has our best interest at heart. And then be able to honestly say.... "it's gonna be okay".

It rained most of the weekend and I got the chance to just sit outside some and soak it in. Hope you all got to enjoy it as well. Love you all and Lord willing, we will talk again soon. Be blessed....

2010-08-20T10:19:00.001-04:00

I struggle with really being happy and content with me just like I am. Always trying to find ways to change things up, say and do the right things for the right people just to fit in I guess. And it's funny to me that alot of people do it and don't even realize it. How many times has someone said or done something that you don't necessarily agree with or even know is wrong and never opened your mouth? How many times have you bought new things to try to fit in with the Joneses? How many times have you compromised principles just to remain friends with people who you probably didn't need to be friends with anyway? And don't think it just happens in the "world"...happens in church just as much.

I had the best conversation last night at dinner with someone who is one of the "realest" people I know. There was no topic that was off limits and I got some real and honest answers. And you know what? Satan works hard at stealing our confidence but God loves us just the way we are, flaws and all. He created each and every one of us differently so that we could ALL bring something different to the table. And being different is not always a bad thing. We need to stop trying to impress people with our big words and flashy things and start concentrating on God and what it is He wants. We need to stop allowing people to determine our self worth (one of my struggles mind you) and start seeing ourselves as God sees us... His children.

I am a single black woman. I thank God for being able to finish school, have a job, take care of my kids, allow them to be involved in some of the things they like. I am thankful for my multi colored house that some people find "odd" because I guess black people shouldn't have 5 different rooms that are five different BRIGHT colors of the rainbow. I will take old and antique over new and sparkly any day. I have two tattoos and look forward to my third and last one. Mac and cheese is my favorite food. I like sitting on my old wood porch watching the squirrels and writing in my journals. I am nothing like any of you, we probably don't have alot in common but as Christians, we are all members of God's family and our ultimate goal should all be the same.

I pray you all have a wonderful and safe weekend. I have said it before, it' about getting to really know people. Never assume anything and be willing and open to some new things you can learn from other around you. God wants us taking as many people to heaven with us to be with Him so what are you waiting on??

"Be blessed and be a blessing".....

2010-08-19T09:32:00.000-04:00

I wrote this blog a while ago. I actually have been writing this whole time but to be honest with you, Satan had me thinking and believing stuff about myself and I didn't want to be here. I really didn't think I would ever get back to that point in my life and then yesterday happened. It amazes me how so much can change in your life in just a few hours, things that make you know ONCE AGAIN who you have to turn to at all times. good and bad. Satan knew that I was trying to get my life back on track, one that would lead me to seeing God one day and he used every trick, every insecurity I had to bait me and get me off track. So I will share with you what I wrote a while ago. A little much for some maybe, a little open, but really what's in and on my heart. So much has happened and last night I was literally at my breaking point but I had a conversation, a short on with a really good friend who reminded me that Satan hates it when God is first. That when you can be decisive, discern and know God will, well, that's when he sits up and comes up with was to bring us down.

It's been a week since my fingers picked up a pen or typed on my blogs. I seriously debated just picking up, taking the kids and leaving. Now where to or even how, that's a mystery, but the thought was there. My friend Q says I have too much going on. She seems to think I am so busy worried about everyone else, that I can't sit long enough to figure out what it is I want or need. Maybe. I know that stress kills. I know that keeping things in tends to be hazardous to my health (and those around me). I know that praying helps. I know that God listens. I know that no one is perfect and in life, we are going to have trials and issues that seems to be the end of our worlds. I know that life is going to go on no matter what we chose to do each day (well at least until Jesus comes back anyway. And I know that crying really IS good for the soul. Mine anyway.

Somehow I gotta get back to ME. I mean I know it's not about me so please don't get it twisted. By ME I mean, I gotta figure out what happened to that fire that I had that seems to have burned out. There was this point that I had so much crap going on, so much stuff I was doing and was into that was probably not so good. I mean literally had gotten to a point that I figured God would strike me dead if I sneezed wrong. So I started praying, and I mean REALLY praying hard that things changed. That they started looking up and not for me, but for my family, the kids, because I was not showing them any kind of right example (some things are still coming back to bite me in the butt) and I made an effort to make each day a good one. Look for the positive ya know.

It took a while. I LONG while I might add but I don't know.. some light finally clicked in my thick head and I slowly began to climb out of this pit (THANKS BETH MOORE) that I was in. The pit, I dug and put myself in and allowed myself to continue to wallow in. But I was starting to see some light, and it was good.

I started writing, I bought a house, kids were all doing great, no major health issues to talk about, I finished school (YAY), I was divorced but at that point I could at least say me and the ex were getting along OK, life was making sense. I got in to a relationship that started out as just meeting back up with an old school mate to " I love you". I could sit on the porch and talk to God and I "heard" Him talk back to me. Sound crazy right? But I am so serious. The wind would blow just at the right time, a bird would fly by or things just made sense to me. Believe it or not, God was talking and I was listening for the first time in a VERY LONG TIME.. maybe the first time ever! For a change, things were just going right.

I don't know when, where, why or how that all changed. I just know it did. I think Satan had a part in that. He kinds works like that I imagine. Things going all good, great and he catches you off guard and BAM.. instant confusion in my life.

So hence all the things that seemed so perfect, seemed to fit in my life so well... well the problems started. So I started writing cause I remember going to a shrink once (yeah yeah, a DOCTOR) and her telling me that since I liked to write, why not use that to channel the energy. Now anyone who knows me, KNOWS I do not like, despise, loathe, and yeah, even hate doctors and honestly have no faith in much of what they say. But that stuck so I started writing.. so this is where what Q said comes into play.

See, she has this notion that I am a "fixer". That I live my life forgetting MY stuff and get so involved in other folks stuff that when I DO get stressed,,well, its not a pretty picture. Keeping stuff all bottled up and BOOM.... sonic!

So after long and many sleepless night (which is a whole other issue), I started re thinking some stuff. And hence my posting on here and not to everyone else anymore. Well, for a while anyway cause honestly, I can't give advice, tell you my story, help you or even try until I can find some kind of calm in my own. Only this time, I will document.

***BE WARNED*** if you get easily offended by words, thoughts or suggestions, I will tell you now.. let this be the last blog of mine you read. Cause when it's about me (my issues and stuff going on) all bets are off and the mask comes off. I think I have lost a few friends on that one.

I am not perfect, NEVER EVER will you hear me say or suggest that. I have more issues than a few and for my friends, the real ones who know me.. they read between the lines and don't let me side step with the bull. They call me on it, make me front it head on and deal with it. I love them dearly for that too. cause as much as they hate doing it, it helps more than they will ever know.

I am all typed out for the day but let me close by saying this:

I love my kids more than my own life. There is nothing within my power that I will not do for them. I don't care who likes it, it is what it is. I love my boyfriend. He stole my heart the minute we started talking and has not let go since. I stress him though. I know that. Don't get me wrong, I think we stress each other too! I think that's a part of relationships.. at least I think so anyway. I know he loves me and I really think that we can get thru anything. That's what I pray anyway! My friends are the best... none like them in the world. I love my job, the fact that I know beyond the shadow of a doubt I am blessed beyond measure. And more than any of these things, I love my God so much that it makes me cry to think about how He loves me in spite of me. And I know that no matter what I am going through, no matter how stressed I get and no matter how PIGHEADED I can be, HE continues to love me. I know He wants what is best and just wants me to come to Him.. talk and be honest and open. Its not like He doesn't know anyway.

So once again I start a journey that I honestly didn't even think I would have to do again. Maybe this time I will learn....

Until next time....

So with that blog I will end by saying this. I gave up. Satan, in a very short period of time had taken what it took me so long to "fix", made my life again a living hell. But after yesterday, after my conversation, I know that giving up again is not an option. I WILL be here for my friends no matter what anyone says. We gotta stick together ya know because we are all we have. I WILL make sure that my kids get the best in me. I have not been doing that much lately b/c I have been sulking and that has to stop. I WILL pray and concentrate more. Satan really hates that I think and I already know he is working on ways to get me distracted again, but I have to be strong in the faith. I WILL make sure God is first and everything else takes a back seat. I think we say that, and try to mean it, but we show something totally different, well I do anyway so that is my goal, my mission.

So really, until next time, Lord willing,

Emotional rollercoasters, softabll games, sitting in the rain and me... not necessarily in that order

2010-08-17T10:20:00.002-04:00

I have to praise God in the good and bad, even though I don't want to at times. Just being honest. Sometimes I wanna sulk in my own self pity, sighing and moping around like nobodies business and dare anyone try to be positive. Leave me and let me do me. Or something like that anyway, but God.. Oh God.. He does ntop think like me and has this thing about letting me be and do ME... He's not very fond of it and tends to wanna step in at what I feel sometimes are the most awful moments to get me back in line. I kick and scream to do it my way, but alas, I have to give in. He wins (ALWAYS in case you were wondering) and I do it His way. Funny thing is, it works.

Last night I was a total and awful ass to my boyfriend. He didn't do a thing although I bet he was racking his brain trying to figure out what he had done. Spazz is my middle name among a million others. See, I was just having a day I guess and of course yo can't take it out on just anyone, it's gotta be someone close to you, someone who will take it cause they know you have issues every once in a while. But it's not really fair to him or me. I'm sorry.. that's all I can say. He will probably never read this blog cause I don't think he even knows I still write but I will call him in a minute and tell him what a jerk I was and apologize and pray he accepts it. Sigh......

It rained this past weekend and OH MY it was wonderful. Even though I have a hard time understand what God has in mind for my life, I KNOW that He gave me that rain to calm my nerves and to make me realize that He is still there for me. Rain is ALWAYS my sign from God and I can sit outside.. listen... and just hear Him. Sometimes I wished it rained everyday....

Our first softball game is today.. Albany High School that is. My daughter's 2nd year in high school and 2nd yer on the varsity team. She is excited and I am excited for her. We fuss alot and I chalk that up to her being a teenager and me getting old, but I love her and want the best for her no matter what. I probably need to show her that more and do a better job at it. I slack in that area and I need to be praying more about it.

My friend Jazzmine is back live n the radio. 98.1 to be exact, right after Steve Harvey and that makes me smile cause if i am in a mood, I can text her and she will play my song and make me smile. Love her to pieces.

Without Quanda telling me to get my crap together and quit whining most days, I probably would have lost my job by now b/c of depression. I suffer from that ya know... well maybe you didn't. I don't take medicine for it anymore, even though I should. I would imagine it would help me get through MORE days w/o my temper tantrums. Eh.... I just keep praying and e-mailing her daily, hope she don't get tired of me!

I am a blessed woman and I know that. I have wonderful, smart, funny cute kids who put up w/ a crazed mommy sometimes, I have a handful of friends that wouldn't judge me no matter what craziness I did but would step to me and tell me to correct it in a heartbeat, I have a wonderful, sweet, intelligent man who loves me even when I put him through my mood swings but most of all and probably, nope, it IS the best things of all is that I have a God who is more committed to me. loves me more than I could ever imagine and who will stick by me even in my roughest moments and be ready to give me His hand to hold as I keep plugging along. There is nothing else I need.

2010-08-12T13:38:00.002-04:00

** So I stopped blogging for everyone a few weeks ago in order to try to get my hard headed self back together. I don't want sympathy or need anyone feeling sorry for me. This is my outlet, my way of venting. This is no way trying to geive any advice to anyone.. actually I am the one who probably needs it the most.**

So I have been reading again. Slowly, but reading. It's called 'So Long Insecurity: You've Been a Bad Friend to Us' by Beth Moore. Now you know Mrs. Moore is one of my all time favorite women writers. She is so acurate and so straight forward, I wonder sometimes if she knows me personally. So anywho, this book deals with the insecurities that women sometimes have and I seriously recommend it to everyone of you. I haven't finished it yet, but when I do, I will let you know how it turns out.

So lately, more so than ever, my insecurities have reared their ugly head. This was BEFORE I picked up the book too. But I have always had issues w/ insecurity.. never thought I was good enough in any area.. appearance, not really knowing how to handle a relationship, good or bad, being a parent.. you name it. And I think that when things happen, it makes me doubt myself even more. But I was on a roll there for a while and it didn't bother me. And then, about 2 months ago, BAM, like a bolt of lightening, it was there again. And it's odd how it works. I can be fine for the wole day, go home and see one thing and be set off. And thus, the drama begins.... and of course NO ONE understands me or where I am coming from and even if they think they do and start offering all that free advice we so like to give, it goes in one ear and out the other for me. Feeling doomed, I normally get a pint of ice cream, cry and play some stupid computer game to get my mind half way back on track.

But it consumes me to the point that the next day, it's still there and my life is in an uproar. All because I can't seem to get a grip. Side note: I need to learn to keep my business to myself and not be so free to seeking advice..well at least from the wrong people, ungodly people.

But I know I am not the only woman in the world that feels this way. Beth Moore said so (HA)! And try to explain this to a man...well you might as well be talking to a wall b/c they DO NOT understand, DON'T have a clue as to how to fix it and although tryingto be helpful, give us this god awful advice about " being happy w/ who you are". Yeah dude, if it was only that simple.

I know I am not a failure, I have actually had a very blessed life, even through all the trials and drama. I know all of this. But Satan uses every single thing that we hate and that bothers us against us. Hence all the insecurities.

I know that God loves me no matter how I look, what I wear, where I work.. whatever. I know that He loves me for what is really on the inside and yes, that is all I need to really be focused on. Much easier said than done though when we live in the here and now. In the world that is gonna judge every little thingwe say and do and try to twist it around. I know this because I am guilty of it myself.

I don't pray enough. Nope,I don't and I would say that I am very selfish in my praying. I want what I want when I want it becasue I know exactly what is is I need. After all I live with myself everyday.

I have to get to the point where I am content with Christ and Christ alone. Try not to do too many things at one time. Know that as humans, we WILL fail each other so that everything I do should not be based on what I think people will say and do. I'm glad God can see my heart. I will try to delight myself in Him so that He will give me the desires of my heart. All in His time and not mine.

I'm gonna finish that book by this weekend.. I am seriously thinking I need it right now. Until next time... Peace!

2010-08-10T13:12:00.003-04:00

God is all knowing, all seeing, all powerful and there is nothing He cannot do if He chooses to. He created us in His image and expects us to love, serve and follow Him and bring as many into the kingdom as we can. Although I believe that we have to pray and ask God for His guidance and answers to anything that is going on with us, good or bad, I also think, that He expects us to use the brain He gave us.

We don't live in the time of Christ when God's voice came from heaven and told people what to do. But that does not mean that we don't have signs and get answers to those prayers we pray.

I use to be really ignorant, someitmes I still am and I would ask and ask and ask and God would anwswer but I really didn't like any of those answers so I either kept praying to try to get some more, ignored it or simply did my own thing beacuse I THOUGHT this was what God wanted me to do. That got me NO WHERE fast!

I always wanted things quickly... fix my marriage.. quickly ... make my kids mind.. quickly... I need money to pay this bill... quickly... I wanna lose weight... QUICK! And although those are some very vaild things, not putting in the work, not praying steadfastly, not really believing that God would intervien, well sometimes, like I said, I had to learn the hard way. "A hard head makes a soft behind". And my behind is mushy soft from doing things on my own all the time!

Quit asking people to co sign with your mess. Quit thinking that if I pray, God HAS to do what I want because its the only thing that makes sense. Quit giving God limits. Keep doing what you are doing on your own, thinking "just give me a little more time" or " maybe if I try this, it might work"... see how far that gets ya.. Take some serious time out and really talk to God... just like you would any parent.. because He IS our Father and knows more than we do. When you really start talking and actually LISTENING and using the brain that God gave us, the answers will be clear. No need in second guessing anything.

What happened to the weekend?

2010-08-09T09:48:00.002-04:00

You wait and wait for Friday afternoon to hit. To be able to relax and release. But just as soon as you blink your eyes a few times, Monday has rolled around again. Sighhhh...

It was a "so-so" weekend. I am still in the process of trying to get my groove back and have no clue how to do it. I DO know that I got a message from someone yesterday and she said that she missed seeing me and my comments at Life Group last night and that really made my night. I think that people ( and this is just MY opinion because it's MY blog) think for some reason I seem to have my stuff together. Kids look ok, not dirty or too ill managed in public, we make it to school and church on time and seemingly have a little knowledge so it can't be that bed I guess. And yes, I know there are SO many people in the world who have problems that make mine look like a piece of cake, but my problems are mine and to me, they are big and keep me at a stand still. But no one really ever asks. I mean I get the occasional " How are you doing" but seriously, who REALLY wants to know? NO ONE and you know why.. because they are SO afraid that when they ask, you will start to tell them, which will put them in an awful situation... to help or not to help?? No one wants that kind of pressure and to be perfectly honest with you, I don't have the time or energy to have folks feel sorry for me so I keep it with me. Yeah, not the best but it's what I got.

So THANK YOU to my friend who asked about me not being there and NOT trying to pry or find out any kind of gossip, but genuinely worried.. it really meant alot!

Sigghhhh.. where did my weekend go? All I know if God got me through it and I feel good today. Not sure why, but I have some calm today and I'll take it!!!

Think what you will

2010-08-06T11:15:00.001-04:00

But Donnie Walhberg is SUPERRRRRRRRRRRRRR SUPPERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR SEXYYYYYYYYYYYYY .. bless his FINE FINE SOUL!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmDi3N-4Ckc&feature=related

And the band plays on...

2010-08-06T08:43:00.002-04:00

What a week it has been. I haven't really talked much to anyone, haven't done alot, kinda keeping a low profile I guess. I'm tired. Worn out. Brain is completely blank of any kind of useful knowledge right now. There are fifty million and one things going on with me. Where to start, where to begin...Let's see, the air conditioner is once again for the I don't know how many times, messed up. I need a new sink cause the one I got is leaking, my daughter thinks the world revolves around her and her friends and if THEY decided not to do something, then all else fails, my car is overheating every other day, I have 2 birthday parties to take the kids to this weekend and baby shower to somehow go to and help with... and you know what I want more than anything in this world right now????? I want a vacation.. just me, no kids, no cell phone or computer, sitting on a beach (if there is no oil spill there), with some kind of tropical alcoholic drink in my hand and just not give a care to what is going on. I wanna have a great big ole straw hat, some big white sunglasses and a long maxi dress with no shoes on. Kinda silly huh? Not to me....

Yesterday was made 12 years since my mom passed away. I recall once someone saying to me something to the effect of " I don't understand how or why after all this time, you still get as emotional and upset about your mom's passing as you do". Another one of those ignorant comments coming from someone who has basically had everything in life handed to them I guess, no real worries or stress I guess unless is trying to figure out if its chicken or pork for dinner. I never really answered that person's comment cause I know that things like that bring out the OLD me, the ghetto me, and yeah I can get pretty ghetto is I have too. Most black folk can I think if pushed hard enough and that was about my limit.

So let me break it down to ya.... My mom.. was one of the smartest, most out going, wittiest, prettiest, WOMEN I have ever known and yeah yeah yeah she was my mom so you would imagine I would say that ANYWAY but I can honestly tell you that anyone you asked, would say the same thing. My mom handled her business and she did it well. She raised a family, took care of a husband, and finally after we were old enough, went back to college, finished her degree and became a teacher just like she had always aspired to be. She was loved and respected by those she worked with, went to church with, were friends with and by me! I have done alot of jacked up shit in my day. Sometimes I still manage to pull off some stupid stunts even at age 37.. but that woman, no matter what I did, always had my back. Now she didn't pussyfoot around. If I messed up, she was all over me to do better but what else are mom's for. She helped get me back on the right path and was always ALWAYS ALWAYS my support system and loved me regardless of what I said or did. I could always call on her no matter what time of day or night and she was there.

I am not proud of this next statement, but it's true and I had a really big struggle with it for a rally long time. I never understood why my mom had to die and some of these jacked up mom's who don't take care of anyone but themselves, these selfish ignorant people walking around here are still here! I mean seems to me that my mom would serve more good ya know. In my head anyway. I would imagine this very statement is why I had such a hard time and still sometimes do. I know God has plans and I do know and BELIEVE that all things work for those who love Him and that He has never and will never leave me as long ans I love and trust Him. So is it a contradiction for me to say " WHy, I don't STILL understand why"? Probably never will and guess what.. the band still plays on. Life does not stop and will not stop b/c I am pissed off at it.

I miss my momma so much. I watch my kids and get really teary eyed knowing that they will never have a Grandparents Day at school, they they can never take pics with them or call and tell how their days was, that they cannot have the privilege of being "spoiled rotten" by them. Its especially hard for my daughter.. she was 3 when her "Grammy" died and she remembers very well what happened. The night my mom died, Bri stayed with a friend of mine and when they were explaining death to her (some of which she actually understood) she said as confident and strongly as she could and with a serious face "Well, I understand all that but if you give me a rope, I can pull her back down from heaven". I just miss my momma more than I could ever explain and honestly, you probably would never comprehend it anyway. So I don't try explaining it anymore...

Tired and worn out are such simple words for what I feel at this very moment. And to be perfectly honest with you, I haven't really talked to God a whole lot this week. You know, sometimes it's easier said than done, but I am trying, I really am.

Life goes on, people come and go and the band continues to play on.

WHYYYY on earth?!?!?!?!?!

2010-08-03T15:21:00.002-04:00

are they actually producing a movie and publishing a book of memoirs on this boy?? Like OK call me a hater, c all me jealous, I don't care but are you KIDDING ME right now??? My life is SOOO much more interesting and I got alot more to tell. This is really a sad sad joke. I cringe at the money that will be spent on this and how much they will make off the kiddos (not mine) and look at the economy and the world. Sad man, just sad.....

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100803/ap_en_ce/us_people_justin_bieber

2010-08-03T08:31:00.002-04:00

So I know that this is NOT going to make sense to alot of people, so I mean if you get confused easily, you probably wanna stop reading now. The way my mind works, I will start on one subject and by the time I am done, it will be something totally different. Just be warned......

Hmmmmm...so I talked with a friend of mine. She is a single mommy too and we share similar stories. You know sometimes I really think that God picks out special people to be single parents. Not that married people can't be special and not that we have any more gifts than the next person, but I cannot tell you how many times I have heard " Oh, my husband is out of town and I had the kids for this particular week and I now know just how you feel being alone and taking care of the kids by yourself"

Ahhhh, no, you don't. And I actually get really offended and taken aback when they say it to me.

Now, I understand what they mean and I know that the majority of them are not being asses, they really are TRYING to understand and have sympathy. But I say, take mine for a month or two and then come back and talk to me.

But God, well, He knows a whole lot more than we do. And honestly, my being single had alot to do with selfishness on the part of my ex husband AND me so I can't blame anyone for that. But I guess God knew that even if I had to do this alone, I could do it. I seriously doubt He would entrust them in my care if He didn't think I could fit the bill. Sometimes though I wish He didn't have so much faith in me. I know He knows I get tried, discouraged, my brain actually goes in slow motion alot. More so lately than ever. The past few months have also seen its share of panic attacks. I use to have those things everyday and when I finally started figuring out what it was God wanted me to do (or so I thought anyway) they went away. So I guess lately since I THINK I have or had it all figured out, stupid things came back. So I am like GREAT.. on top of everything else, now I gotta deal with this again. Peaches.....

But one really good thing happened yesterday, well I guess maybe 3.. the kids had a great first day of school. The little one went, NOT WANTING TO go with that patch on his eye at all. But what is the first thing we see when we walk in class.. another little boy who has the same condition AND glasses with a patch also. It made my baby feel better. The middle one is in 5th grade now and they are upstairs in the school. He didn't want me to walk him to class.. too big for that now. But I did anyway and fought back those tears cause they were coming. And the oldest... all I can say is
10th grade.... WOWWWW. They are growing up right before my eyes, over night and for as much as my life to me seems jacked up... somewhere, somehow, I got a few things right because I have good kids.

Sigh.... all typed out early today. Maybe more tomorrow.. until then...

Gonna find me.. somehow!

2010-08-02T16:32:00.003-04:00

It's been a week since my fingers picked up a pen or typed on my blogs. I seriously debated just picking up, taking the kids and leaving. Now where to or even how, that's a mystery, but the thought was there. My friend Q says I have too much going on. She seems to think I am so busy worried about everyone else, that I can't sit long enough to figure out what it is I want or need. Maybe. I know that stress kills. I know that keeping things in tends to be hazardous to my health (and those around me). I know that praying helps. I know that God listens. I know that no one is perfect and in life, we are going to have trials and issues that seems to be the end of our worlds. I know that life is going to go on no matter what we chose to do each day (well at least until Jesus comes back anyway. And I know that crying really IS good for the soul. Mine anyway.

Somehow I gotta get back to ME. I mean I know it's not about me so please don't get it twisted. By ME I mean, I gotta figure out what happened to that fire that I had that seems to have burned out. There was this point that I had so much crap going on, probably more than the people who know a LITTLE know about, so much stuff I was doing and was into that was probably not so good. I mean literally had gotten to a point that I figured God would strike me dead if I sneezed wrong. So I started praying, and I mean REALLY praying hard that things changed. That they started looking up and not for me, but for my family, the kids, because I was not showing them any kind of right example (some things are still coming back to bite me in the butt) and I made an effort to make each day a good one. Look for hte positive ya know.

It took a while. I LONG while I might add but I don't know.. some light finally clicked in my thick head and I slowly began to climb out of this pit (THANKS BETH MOORE) that I was in. The pit, I dug and put myself in and allowed myself to continue to wallow in. But I was starting to see some light, and it was good.

I started writing, I bought a house, kids were all doing great, no major health issues to talk about, I finished school (YAY), I was divorced but at that point I could at least say me and the ex were getting along OK, life was making sense. I got in to a relationship that started out as just meeting back up with an old school mate to " I love you". I could sit on the porch and talk to God and I "heard" Him talk back to me. Sound crazy right? But I am so serious. The wind would blow just at the right time, a bird would fly by or things just made sense to me. Believe it or not, God was talking and I was listening for the first time in a VERY LONG TIME.. maybe the first time ever! For a change, things were just going right.

I don't know when, where, why or how that all changed. I just know it did. I think Satan had a part in that. He kinds works like that I imagine. Things going all good, great and he catches you off guard and BAM.. instant confusion in my life.

So hence all the things that seemed so perfect, seemed to fit in my life so well... well the problems started. So I started writing cause I remember going to a shrink once (yeah yeah, a DOCTOR) and her telling me that since I liked to write, why not use that to channel the energy. Now anyone who knows me, KNOWS I do not like, despise, loathe, and yeah, even hate doctors and honestly have no faith in much of what they say. But that stuck so I started writing.. so this is where what Q said comes into play.

See, she has this notion that I am a "fixer". That I live my life forgetting MY stuff and get so involved in other folks stuff that when I DO get stressed,,well, its not a pretty picture. Keeping stuff all bottled up and BOOM.... sonic!

So after long and many sleepless night (which is a whole other issue), I started re thinking some stuff. And hence my posting on here and not to everyone else anymore. Well, for a while anyway cause honestly, I can't give advice, tell you my story, help you or even try until I can find some kind of calm in my own. Only this time, I will document.

***BE WARNED*** if you get easily offended by words, thoughts or suggestions, I will tell you now.. let this be the last blog of mine you read. Cause when it's about me (my issues and stuff going on) all bets are off and the mask comes off. I think I have lost a few friends on that one.

I am not perfect, NEVER EVER will you hear me say or suggest that. I have more issues than a few and for my friends, the real ones who know me.. they read between the lines and don't let me side step with the bull. They call me on it, make me front it head on and deal with it. I love them dearly for that too. cause as much as they hate doing it, it helps more than they will ever know.

I am all typed out for the day but let me close by saying this:

I love my kids more than my own life. There is nothing within my power that I will not do for them. I don't care who likes it, it is what it is. I love my boyfriend. He stole my heart the minute we started talking and has not let go since. I stress him though. I know that. Don't get me wrong, I think we stress each other too! I think that's a part of relationships.. at least I think so anyway. I know he loves me and I really think that we can get thru anything. That's what I pray anyway! My friends are the best... none like them in the world. I love my job, the fact that I know beyond the shadow of a doubt I am blessed beyond measure. And more than any of these things, I love my God so much that it makes me cry to think about how He loves me in spite of me. And I know that no matter what I am going through, no matter how stressed I get and no matter how PIGHEADED I can be, HE continues to love me. I know He wants what is best and just wants me to come to Him.. talk and be honest and open. Its not like He doesn't know anyway.

So once again I start a journey that I honestly didn't even think I would have to do again. Maybe this time I will learn....

Until next time....

2010-07-22T09:17:00.001-04:00

Last night while I was surfing the Internet doing some reading, I came across a devotional that really touched me. I would imagine so because it seemed so parallel to my own life. As I read it, I just inserted my name where he was talking about himself and it was me. So I decided to share it with you:

http://www.simpledevotions.org/2007/10/26/stuck-in-my-own-hole.html

You know, I had a conversation with someone yesterday and I thought about it alot last night. I don't have all the answers, I would never want anyone to think that I am telling them what to do although I know I am one of those people who like to "fix" things. I mean, its advice, take it or leave it. I have my own issues so I surely can't help you make your life perfect if mine isn't, and never will be. But what I do know is this, like he said in the article, no matter how bad things get, how much we think there really is no end in sight, and even if we get mad at God, He's still there. And for every issues we have, for every situation we can't figure out and those things that just don't make sense to us, He uses it for HIS good. I was in life group this past week and the subject came up about not all bad things work out for good. I have thought about that this week too and I mean I guess in a way, they were right.. it doesn't work out all the time for OUR good but I do believe that it works out the way God wants it too for HIS good for those that love Him. We might as well forget trying to figure God out.. it ain't happening. But we can still trust that He knows exactly what He is doing. He loves us.

I hope and pray you are all having a really good week. It's been kind of long and I am smiling thinking about the weekend coming up. Relax, release.......

Until next time, Lord willing, "be blessed and be a blessing"!!

2010-07-20T08:52:00.001-04:00

This past weekend in Blakely, Georgia a man committed a double murder and then killed himself. His victims, his wife and son. He also shot his daughter, I assume in an attempt to kill her but she survived. The man and his wife were school teachers there and just from what I have been reading, were well liked by all, things seemed to be going fine, as far as everyone else was concerned so everyone, as I would be and am, are in shock. Why would someone take another person's life, especially his own wife and child? It makes no sense at all and for as much as the police will soon question the girl to see what she knows, I really don't think they will ever find out the truth. It died along with the man.

I don't know that anyone could have done anything to prevent what happened in that house. Not sure if there were some signs maybe that people around them missed, but I do know that as I have been saying for the past few weeks and for me, this confirms some things for me personally... we HAVE to be involved in people's lives. I am not saying dip all in the business down to every single dirty detail, but if you are not sharing God's message, helping when people need it, being there for someone to talk to, we are seriously missing the boat. Sometimes, its not what people say, it's what they don't say. Start paying attention. Start WANTING to be involved in something other than yourself.

We sang one of my favorite songs again this past Sunday, I Belong to Jesus, and my favorite verse in that song will always be

"Satan goes around like a roaring lion, seeking who he may devour, but he has been defeated so I'm testifying' by the blood of Jesus he's lost his pow'r"

Don't let Satan catch us off guard. That is what he lives for. To make those little things in life get us so off track, that they turn into big things and we get so far in them, so caught up that sometimes, there is no turning back.

I really pray you all have a wonderful day. Do something good today, something out of your normal routine and watch God work! Love you all and Lord willing, we will talk again soon...

2010-07-19T08:57:00.001-04:00

I really feel that God sends us messages daily and that it is up to us to be still enough to listen, hear, understand and do what it is He is calling us to do. This past weekend was no exception for me. We went to church on Sunday morning and if I have said it once, I have said it a thousand times, God was talking to me again. Greg preached a sermon on temptation and sin and as I listened, I thought about the thing that tempts me most and how Satan tries to find any way to get to me. Honestly, it's a daily battle for me, something I have to talk to myself about and stay away from. Then after the sermon, a letter was read from someone in the church. Long story short, a friend of theirs had passed away and they felt a sadness and guilt because they did not feel like they had done all they could do to ensure that this person knew who Jesus was and was not sure if they would go to heaven or not. Needless to say, it was an emotional Sunday morning for alot of people. And of course, it got me to thinking...

There is so much going on right now. Not just with people you work with or see on occasion, but the ones you see everyday, your own family. As Christians we have the great responsibility of spreading God's message of truth and love. Just because people don't want to hear it, just because they may not be the "kind of people" we like to hang around or just because we don't feel like it, we still are commanded by God to go and teach everyone. There is no picking and choosing who WE think should be allowed to go to heaven. We are still here on this earth for a reason. I mean seriously, think about it. With all the mess, drama and discord we cause on this earth, God really could have wiped us all out a long time ago. But He hasn't because He wants as many of His children to be with Him as possible and it's up to us to do that.

I have really been bothered lately by some things that have been going on. I even went so far as to talk to a few people about it and basically it's still an issue. The sermon this past week, that letter, really hit home for me and I know that now is not the time to be holding back because as we discussed last night in life group, living til we are 70 or 80 is not promised to ANY of us. You could leave work today and never see your family again. We hate to think about things like that, it's kinda morbid to be honest, but it is still very true. And knowing that today, this very moment could be your last, how are you gonna live it? MY personal prayer has ALWAYS been that God let me live long enough to see my last child graduate from high school and go one to have some kind of career. So that I won't have to worry. But for as much as I pray it, it just may not be in God's plan.. and I know that. So for the time I have right now, I try to instill what I need to in my children so that they will know and lean on God in every single situation that have. I know He will take care of the rest.

I hate to be such a downer on Monday morning (Mondays are rough enough as it is) but I think we seriously need to think about how we live our daily lives. Are we doing what God wants us to do, live how He wants us to live or are we just going through some motions until we figure out some thing better? There really is no time like right now to make some changes ya know....

I had a WONDERFUL weekend with my nephew. He is the greatest, let me tell you. I pray you all had good, safe weekends and that your week is starting out wonderful. Until next time, Lord willing....

2010-07-16T08:57:00.001-04:00

I think God turned His back on me. I have been asking and praying for this thing. I am really sure it's what I need and it will be a great help to me, so I really don't understand why He has not given it to me yet?"

Okay, these were not the exact words I heard, I paraphrased, but this was the gist of it. And as I listened to this person talk, kinda wanting me to agree with them I think, my brain (as usual) started working. Now I realize from my own selfishness, that I ask for things that I think I need in my life. I mean like I have said before,. I know me better than anyone right? So it makes sense that if I ask for it, that God should oblige me and let me have it.

But something I have learned and I told this person this is that what we THINK we need is not always in God's plan for us. Maybe it's more of a want than a need. Now God DOES answer prayer, there is no doubt about that, but when we ask for selfish gain or just plain wrong motives, I seriously doubt we are going to get the answer we like. But that does not mean we won't get an answer. Maybe God has something else in mind. May not look like what we wanted, may cause us to have to work a little harder (something we do NOT like) and it may end up taking longer, but He still can give you something else that works out so much better.

Our pride gets in the way of alot of things. For some reason we think people OWE us and we DESERVE so much more than most of us actually give. And even if you are the type of person who rally does give alot, always the first one to offer help, so what? I mean really! God commanded us to serve others anyway and if your only reason is that you are doing it to get some kind of reward from God or pat on the back or have your name mentioned, well, I think you may need to seriously re-think some things.

God wants us talking to Him. He wants to be the first person we think about when things are going not so good AND when things are going good. He doesn't want us giving up when things get rough, He just wants us to know that He is the one and only way out. Once we realize it, things will probably become much easier for us.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. My brother left yesterday but my nephew is still here w/ me until Sunday so we are gonna have a fun filled weekend. Maybe I will send a few pics next week. Until then, keep praying, keep trusting, keep being a blessing and be safe...

2010-07-14T09:12:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I had a conversation with a really good friend. We decided that between the two of us, with so many things that we had seen, done and been through, we probably could write some kind of self help book. There are days when I can talk to her and she understands just where I am coming from because she has been through similar things and her with me. Not that I can't talk to other people, but there is something about talking to someone who had been through the same kind of things and them offering advice because they have come out on the other side of it.

You know that no matter how hard our problems are, God can use all of that for some wonderful things. When other people are in need, you will be able to listen, offer advice and help them in ways that not everyone can do. I guess in an odd kind of way, your problems can also turn into your spiritual gifts.

2 Corinthians 1:3-5 (Msg) "All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah! Father of all mercy! God of all healing counsel! He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us. We have plenty of hard times that come from following the Messiah, but no more so than the good times of his healing comfort—we get a full measure of that, too."

I would imagine, like in my own life, that it is really not fun going through bad times and the last thing we may want to think about is someone else. But even though things may not work out the way you would like them for you, God will still use you to help someone else. I don't profess to have all the answers by any means, but I know that through all the things I have gone through in my short life on Earth, that maybe others can see and learn from some of it.

I pray you are all having a wonderful week. I really am. My nephew has been with me and let me just say, I love him to pieces. He's cute, he's funny and it just amazes me how God is working in his life. I can see it Mollie, I really can. I think I might wanna keep him here forever : ))

Until next time, Lord willing...

2010-07-12T13:52:00.000-04:00

Everywhere you look today, the world is promises that "stuff" will make us happy, will fulfill us. That if we have it, people will love us more. Whether it be some big house on the hill, traveling all over, making a six figure salary and basically just having what we want when we want it. The world AND Satan tell us to grab all of it and life will be great. In reality though, there is only one way to experience true love and that is through Christ Jesus. I was reading a book the other day on Paul and you know it really amazes me. Paul went through alot of trials and turmoil in his life but never once swayed from the notion that no matter what was going on, God was the only one to turn to in those times. and for the most part, Paul did alot of his teaching IN prison. I have to think, how would I act if I was locked up in prison for my beliefs and would I still be as faithful as Paul was??

We should be encouraged knowing that God loves us SO much, that HE was willing to give up the one thing that most of us would not even think about giving up.. His one and only Son so that we would get the chance to spend eternity with him. An eternity where the house, cars, jobs and money won't matter.

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend. I did. I got to spend it with the family and it was great. So much so that I had some separation anxiety this morning and really had to do some serious praying to get this far in the day. :)

Until next time, Lord willing...

Things happen, but I guess the question is, who do we turn to when they do?

2010-07-08T09:29:00.000-04:00

Yesterday my son was diagnosed with Amblyopia. In simple terms, he has a developmental disorder (lazy eye) where his brain decided to like one eye over both eyes and although not blind in one eye, his vision is blurred to the point of not seeing in it. Had it been caught sooner, he could have worn a patch over the good eye to "trick" the bad one into working. Because of his age, we were told that we could try it, but at this point he would not get the vision back in it totally if at all. So he will have to wear glasses to protect his good eye and if you see him for the next few weeks, well, he is a little self conscience about the patch so try to make him feel good for me.

My son does not have AIDS, no cancer, he doesn't have high blood pressure or diabetes, nothing life threatening or serious, he only has amblyopia. But he's my son and to me, it's serious. I told you all about my friend who is pregnant and has been put on bed rest for high blood pressure and she is worried about her baby's health. I told her last week that God has it all under control and to try and enjoy her pregnancy as much as possible. Her daughter is going to be my god-daughter and Lord knows that I want her happy and healthy. But you know what, no matter what our imperfections may be (and we ALL have them, physical defects or not) God still loves us and can use us for His purpose.

There is NO situation we come across that God cannot help us through. I read this quote "If God brings it to you, He will bring you through it. God will either lighten you load or strengthen your back." And I believe that. Does that mean I am not upset about my baby... NOPE because I am, humans tend to be like that. Praise the Lord though for His goodness and grace and the fact that I can go to Him and tell Him I am upset and can't handle it and He promises to help me through it. Just because our paths are unknown to us, does not mean God is not leading us. I remember when my parents died how everyone was quoting that verse " weeping endures a night, but joy comes in the morning".. well, those night may have been long, our trials and problems may seem to keep coming and the end looks far off, but the truth of the matter is that joy really DOES come in the morning, through Christ Jesus and there will be a day that we can all look back and realize that God's grace covered, protected, calmed and comforted us.

I am a person who is happy one day and can be a basket case the next. I change like the wind. But God, is always the same, never changing and ALWAYS there for us.

I hope you all have a wonderful day. Please keep us in your prayers. I think I am more freaking than my son is because as far as he is concerned, there is nothing wrong with him, it's all he knows anyway. : )

Until next time, be safe, love ya!

Memories

2010-07-06T09:25:00.000-04:00

This past weekend, I went to a block party. A block party in the neighborhood I grew up in, with music, food and old friends. They had been planning the party for months and I actually was helping with it some, but my intent was not to even go to the party. Rarely do I ever go back and just see the old neighborhood, mainly because I hate looking at my old house. It just brings back alot of memories. I remember riding over there a few years ago and just broke down because it was obvious to me that they didn't care about my house as much and my mom and dad did.

I got a call though the day of the party ( I was actually getting dressed to go somewhere else) and basically I was getting encouraged to come. That I needed some "closure" I guess. So after a few hours, I finally broke down and went. As I drove up, my heart began beating really fast. I could hear the music being played at the party, but before I even got that far, I saw the house and once again, those tears swelled up. But I started to remember all the good times, the fun stuff: playing ball in "the circle", getting on the bus at the first bus stop, which was the best one I might add, meeting under the street light in front of my house and hearing my momma yell at me to be in the house before the street light came on. I snapped a few pics with my cell phone for my brother, and went on to the party. It was great seeing my friends and I didn't stay long, but I am really glad I went.

I let go of my past hurts and pain a while ago. I mean I still think about my parents, my friends from East Gate, but it's not as bad. And the day I sold that house, well, it was through being "my house". And further more, before I or anyone else can really start to move forward in doing what Christ wants us to do, we have to let go and fully let go of the past so that God's plan can be fulfilled. As Christians, I think sometimes we are bound up in everything from our pasts and therefore we cannot fully live in the present which is not what God wants. And I don't think God wants us to forget. I mean thinking about the good times is wonderful, and talking about them from time to time is refreshing but it is when we get so consumed in it, that we lose sight of the goal at hand. So the choice becomes ours. We can either let past hurts and pains keep us from moving forward or we can let God be God and heal some of those pains so that we will began to see the plans for our lives.

I pray you all had a safe and happy 4th of July. "Lord willing and the creek don't rise" (my daddy's favorite saying) we will talk again soon..

Love ya!

2010-07-02T11:00:00.001-04:00

Not only do I keep a blog page, but I have a folder set up on my yahoo account with my bogs in them. So if people respond to me, I save those, positive and negative, and from time to time go back and read them. It just helps me stay focused I guess.

Yesterday I had a conversation with some very good friends, people I have known since high school, almost 20 years ago and I realized something again. God allows us seasons, I really believe that. I think that people are brought into our lives for reasons, not all of those we will know nor should we know. We may start out with someone, helping them along the way and never get to see the finished outcome. Our season is just over with them, for now. I think that sometimes those people we were extra close to a long time ago may or may not end up in our lives later on down the road. And that's ok. God uses people, some good, some bad, so that we can learn and grow. But then there was something else that hit me yesterday as we were talking:

"A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother" Proverbs 18:24

When I read this verse, I don't just think about one person in particular, but I think how God has truly blessed me with some wonderful friends in my life. And all at the right times. I have learned through trials and hard times, who those people are and I just wanted to say thank you. I write not really to give any kind of advice. As a matter of fact, I probably need more than I can ever give, but when I go back and re read some of the things you send to me for encouragement and support, well I just wanted you to know how much that means to me. I pray you all have a wonderful, safe and blessed 4th of July. I am staying home, no big plans other than hanging out with the kids. Lord willing, we will talk again next week

Time to give it up!

2010-07-01T09:52:00.001-04:00

My daughter is very excited about the upcoming school year. She is going to be a sophomore in high school. She has already started picking out what she is wearing the first day, down to the color of the band she is gonna wear in her hair. Softball starts in August too so she is super excited about her first game. I, on the other hand, worry about her reading these books on her summer reading list so she can pass the test the first week of school, I worry about if she is going to be around the right group of friends or if she will make all the right decisions. Worry, worry, worry....

I have been praying for a friend who is pregnant right now and just really stressed out. I was thinking about her yesterday and this verse came to mind:

Philippians 4: 6, 7 - Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

It is so easy to stress and worry about things we cannot control. We want things to turn out well, I want my daughter to make the best and right decisions, I pray that my friend's baby is born happy and healthy, I pray that the issues going on in the world right now turn around very quickly, and there is nothing wrong with any of that. But I think we just really have remember where all the power lies. And if this verse is not enough to convince you of how wonderful, great and powerful our God is, he reminds us over and over again in the Bible:

"He will feed you like a bird, adorn you like a flower, and let you deal with life on a day-to-day basis, but if you’ll truly give up control and worry, I’ll throw in Peace, too."

Hey, I know it's not easy giving up control. You are talking the QUEEN CONTROL FREAK here and I honestly don't like not knowing what is going to happen. But God PROMISED us (and He never goes back on His word) that not only will He take care of the situation we are going through, but on top of all of that, He is going to also give us a peace. How can we not wanna give it up?

I pray daily for calm and peace. I really do. and I hope you do too. Have a wonderful day and for those that are going to be off after today for the long holiday weekend, be safe and blessed!! Until next time, Lord willing...